


Happy Dumb Luck

by bealovelylady



Series: Happy, Dumb, Lucky. [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Anal Sex, Angst, Bisexuality, Biting, Crossdressing, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Dancing, Feelings Realization, First Love, Hinata has blue eyes, How many random characters can I put in this fic?, Jealousy, Love Triangles, M/M, Multi, Muscles, POV Multiple, Painplay, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Past mentions of Kageyama, Piercings, Polyamory, Scents & Smells, Tattoos, Third Wheels, Unrequited Love, Vampire Bites, Vampire Sex, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-01-15 19:42:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 69,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18505765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bealovelylady/pseuds/bealovelylady
Summary: He didn’t feel much different, but Hinata was entranced.Hinata also had a lot of rules; he was determined to keep them all. But meeting a certain someone had him wondering how many he would break.





	1. A Dream I Had

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, it’s funny, because this started out as like, a short fic, and I was like, two or three chapters at most. Hah! This is now my longest fic ever... I also swore I could never write more than a chapter or two of angst and here I have 65k of messy angst. I just... fell head first into this whole mess and now I’m in way too deep. 
> 
> Help.
> 
> Or enjoy this mess of angst I’ve made and suffer with me in the rare pair I pulled out of my ass and fell in love with.

He didn’t feel much different, just like every other deadbeat in this washed up town. Hinata watched from across the bar, watched him scratch at a muscled arm laden with tattoos. They were surprisingly pretty tattoos for a man, especially a man like this. His brownish hair was styled in a undercut, the newest fashion, apparently, and Hinata wasn’t complaining; the top of his hair was messy, styled specifically to be so. His lobes were stretched out in medium sized gages about the thickness of Hinata’s pinky, and above that was an assortment of metal in piercings that Hinata couldn’t even pretend to know the names of. But despite the tattoos and the piercings and what was probably meant to be a punk rock or hard look, this man was way too pretty, and somehow all of the things previously mentioned made him prettier still. 

Hinata was... entranced. He sipped at his drink and stared across the glossy bar top, just watching. He swiped a thumb across his bottom lip and licked off the alcohol from it. Around him, everyone grew rowdier as the alcohol in their bodies increased, but he was still sober as a doorknob. That meant when he slid off his barstool and towards the man he’d been eyeing all night, he was smooth and sexy, even on 4 inch heels. He knew a few were staring but he only cared about one. He slid into the barstool next to him, set down his drink. And then he waited.

Now that he was closer, he could make out the tattoos better. There were some floral motifs, some feathers, and what he assumed were song lyrics scrawled in scratchy penmanship. Hinata could imagine that this was the type of man who only got tattoos that meant something very significant to him. Flowers for his mother, song lyrics for his siblings, feathers for his hobby, maybe. Along the inside of his opposite arm was a vivid watercolor mural of the sky, of trees, of nature. More writing and more beautiful lines making pretty pictures. Both of his arms and probably more were decorated in memories and treasures, black and colored ink making a wonderful canvas even better. 

Sitting closer also meant he could smell him now, the fragrance of a man who was determined and worked hard, with a hint of something fruity like clementines. Hinata found it particularly intoxicating, the smell of his cologne a soft layer of accent, like cinnamon and sugar on a cake. All together, there was yet to be anything Hinata found displeasing, which was particularly hard to manage for someone like him who’d met a lot of different people. 

He was just about to focus on something else, like pearl-white teeth or softly tanned skin, when one of the guy’s friends nudged him and tried to nod discreetly at Hinata. Hinata calmly turned towards the front again, stirring his umbrella in his cocktail. He could feel eyes on him, hungry, looking him over carefully. He knew he looked divine. 

A body shifted beside him and Hinata could see him now out of the corner of his eye. He was so smooth and casual, assured of his own attractiveness. Even barely glancing at him, Hinata could see now that this was indeed a perfect package of a man, a type of man he’d never really tried out before, but was sure he could come to really like. He usually preferred smaller, skinny men who were mysterious and dark. Compared to them, this one was almost like an open book in a very unintentional way. When Hinata finally turned his head, slowly, and looked upon him fully, he was struck by something he’d never seen in a human before. 

Eyes so bright they almost shone. He looked him over with his own blue eyes, so light in color they were almost white, luminescent. They glowed in the low light of the bar. The man in front of him was instantly caught, eyes going a little wide when he noticed. Everyone always got caught just like this, and sometimes Hinata thought it was too easy, a sign of his species, but tonight he was thankful he’d caught this man’s eye. 

“Hello,” he finally breathed, and Hinata inhaled the sound deep into his chest, smiling as he straightened up a little, pushing aside long hair to show off a slender shoulder, rubbing his fingertips casually over the curve of it. 

“Hi,” he hummed back, smiling softly. He was testing it out; usually he was viciously forward and seductive. It paid off; the man leaned forward, interested now, if he wasn’t before. His smile was small but easy, just a slight tug of the corner of his lips upward, but it was stunning, especially on his handsome face. 

“I haven’t seen you here before.” It wasn’t even meant to be flirty, or if it was, it came off not-cringy like it did for most men. This man was either a pro, or a baby, new to it all. Hinata wanted to lean towards the latter. He liked virgins better, and wouldn’t it be delicious if this hunk of a man was one? Hinata tilted his head, lips thick and full and glossy. He was using a glamour, sure, but he didn’t really need to, not with his face. The glamour made his shoulders less wide, his Adam’s Apple small, his hands more feminine, hair long. But the beauty of his face was all-natural, but it was to be expected from someone like him, an androgynous beauty that was liked by most everyone, whatever their sexual preferences might actually be. 

A hand extended, really nice and big, calluses on the palm, thick veins and hefty fingers. Hinata smiled at the hand, extended his own. Warm fingers gently gripped his slim ones, fingered at long, stiletto nails painted in blood red polish. Hinata was anything but ambiguous. 

“My name is Ushijima Wakatoshi,” he said with a quirky little smile, a cute dimple forming on the side of his turned-up lips. 

“Shouyo,” Hinata breathed. “Hinata Shouyo.”

The man blinked, his thumb caressing up now over his fingers again, over his gold midi rings, eyes glued to his face. “Beautiful name. Suits you.” And there was that smile again, the twinkle in his eye and the dimple. 

Hinata chuckled, more to himself than anything else. He bent his fingers and caressed Ushijima’s hand back. “A true compliment from someone as handsome as you,” he said with a coy smile. 

Most of his friends were elbowing him and snickering into their palms, vulgar creatures, but Ushijima remained his levelheaded, easy sexiness. He kept eye contact with Hinata, watched only him. 

Hinata’s eyes flicked over his broad shoulder to his friends. One stood out, a stark contrast with his stiff face and hard eyes; he was the only one not laughing. Hinata didn’t give it another thought, like seeing but not seeing. You got good at it when you saw as much as his eyes had. “How about...” he said quietly, leaning forward a little, “a dance?”

Ushijima glanced at the dance floor, looked at first bewildered, maybe uncomfortable with the idea.

“Unless you’re not much of a dancer,” Hinata guessed, bright olive eyes drifting back to his face. He smiled. 

“I think tonight I could be,” came the surprising reply. Most of h is friends covered their mouths with their hands and ooh’ed and ahh’ed at him, but Ushijima ignored them, standing instead and pulling Hinata gently off his chair. He landed on his high heels, standing tall on legs that seemed to go on for days, and he was glad he’d hit that growth spurt late in his life. His bare legs felt the cool breeze as they moved quickly across the floor; as soon as they reached an empty spot, Hinata pulled himself against Ushijima, smiling up at him. He reached an arm up around the man’s neck, nails scratching over pleasantly buzzed hair and into longer locks, finding a good grip-hold. Ushijima bent down a little to be closer to Hinata’s face, a warm hand sliding over Hinata’s back, just above his round ass. He knew he’d chosen his cocktail dress well tonight. The black color was slimming on him, and the tight fabric accentuated the curves he naturally had. He’d cursed a lot of things when he was younger: his androgynously pretty face, his thin waist and voluptuous ass, but now he made all of these things work for him in whatever costume he decided to don. 

He focused his eyes back on Ushijima and smiled, pressing between his legs. He danced his hips in time with the music, let his hand rub mindlessly through soft hair, over metal piercings, over a black line-art tattoo on his neck. His other hand rested ever so softly on a strong bicep. Hinata contained a small shiver of excitement at the soft rush of blood just beneath the skin he was touching. 

“You’re staring,” whispered Hinata.

Ushijima hummed in agreement. “I want to compliment you, but I’m worried it might come off as me being a douchebag.”

Hinata giggled, high and light. “Impossible for you, I think.” Then coyly, “Tell me.”

Ushijima leaned down a little more, rubbed his cheek against Hinata’s hair, still that fiery orange, but glamoured to be long and wavy. “You’re absolutely stunning, though the way you move tells me you know it very well.”

“It’s still nice to hear,” Hinata whispered softly, a smile on his lips. He let his fingers wander, exploring over his scalp and arm. “Especially from someone as exquisitely handsome as you.”

Ushijima huffed out an incredulous laugh, shook his head ever so slightly. But he chose not to comment his disagreement, instead saying, “Your eyes are really striking too, is that your natural color?”

Hinata pulled back, let Ushijima get a good look at them. He smiled. “What do you think?” he cooed, and Ushijima actually leaned in to investigate instead of just guessing. Hinata giggled, skillfully turned in Ushijima’s arms. Now his ass was pressed against a nice little present hidden in jeans, his fingers on a thick neck dancing down below the collar of Ushijima’s shirt. The other seemed frozen for a moment, but then he pressed his hand a little tighter against Hinata’s stomach, thumb slowly rubbing, feeling the fabric of his dress with his finger. Hinata knew he could tell it was thin material, but he didn’t leer like others might. Hinata leaned his head back and smiled. 

He almost didn’t want to let it end like this, with just tonight. Suddenly he understood why his mother had always disapproved of how he played with his food before, but for Hinata, half the thrill was baiting his meal. 

But Ushijima was really something else, and Hinata wondered for a moment if he should be worried. But then Ushijima pressed back warm against his back and he began slowly moving his hips, and Hinata was drunk off the rhythm, and he forgot his worries. He rolled and bounced his ass, danced seductively against Ushijima, wanted this man to be completely enamored. 

It made the blood sweeter, but a small voice in Hinata’s head told him that tonight, that wasn’t the only reason anymore, not with Ushijima. He ignored the voice and danced on. Ushijima was warm and strong, and his scent only became stronger the longer they ground together, the longer they danced. 

Hinata felt a thick finger pull aside his long hair, felt it get pulled to expose his neck. He tilted his head and exposed it even more. It was sexually thrilling to pierce someone else’s skin, but there was something even more erotic about the thought of a man piercing his neck for a change. Maybe it was because he didn’t know how it felt; after all, vampires didn’t make it a habit to bite other vampires. 

Hinata was almost disappointed when it was just soft lips grazing over his skin, just small kisses being left behind instead of painful bites. He pulled Ushijima closer by tugging at his hair. 

“There are so many things I want to tell you,” Ushijima whispered against his ear lobe, “but the words don’t seem enough somehow.”

Hinata giggled. “Are you already completely enamored by me?”

“Oh, yes,” breathed out Ushijima against his skin, a heavenly sound, a rapid response, all sending Hinata’s blood pressure spiking. He tightened his hold on Ushijima’s hair without noticing, a very human reaction. He was almost disappointed that it was this easy in the end, but not when he thought of what a catch Ushijima was. 

He turned back around, slid his hand into Ushijima’s again. He loved the way that big hand held his already. “Wanna go... somewhere else?” he teased shyly, smiling coyly at Ushijima. The man just nodded, let Hinata pull him off the dance floor and towards the door. The night air was cool against Hinata’s skin, but he was used to it. He wondered if he shouldn’t stop rushing this, but his body ached for it, for that pounding rush under Ushijima’s skin. 

“Is it too cold out here?” asked Hinata as he led Ushijima into the alley beside the bar. The man looked around for a moment, Hinata worried he’d scared him or tipped him off, but then he smiled at the redhead. 

“No, not with you in my arms.”

Hinata giggled, pulled Ushijima’s hands to his lower back. Ushijima leaned back against the brick wall, a hand sliding down to grab under Hinata’s naked thigh, pulling his leg up and to Ushijima’s side, effectively meaning Hinata could only lean into him. 

“Oh~” he cooed at Ushijima. He smiled, thinking he’d really chosen well tonight. He ran a sharp nail over Ushijima’s neck. Thick fingers danced shyly over his thigh, just barely touching his ass. Two hands reached up and circled around a strong neck, Hinata pulling himself up and closer, examining nice, full lips. Unlike his own, Ushijima had a beautifully manly mouth, whereas his was just really pretty. 

“Can I?” breathed the tall man over his lips, which quivered in anticipation. 

“Please,” breathed Hinata, and the sound had barely left his mouth when lips crashed against his own and his head exploded into an array of colors. Hinata slammed his eyes shut and leaned fully into it. Oh, he wanted to eat Ushijima up! Maybe he should abandon his usual alleyway and take the man to a hotel, really taste all of him. He wasn’t that patient though, not when it came to feeding. 

He slid a hand down, tugged at a thick wrist, encouraged a hand to explore further over his curvaceous body. Ushijima responded eagerly, opening his mouth to dive deeper into the kiss. A warm tongue slid over his sharp canines and Hinata shivered loudly. 

“Sensitive teeth?” asked Ushijima. 

“You have no idea,” muttered Hinata, pulling back into the kiss. He moaned when their mouths reconnected. Ushijima’s hand jerked, sliding over Hinata’s ass, back over the fabric of his dress. It slid over his shoulder blades and up his neck, cupping his chin. Hair was brushed aside, and Hinata could feel fierce eyes opening to drink him in for a moment. He exhaled shakily into the heated kiss. 

“Touch me more,” he begged, panted against soft lips. “Devour me,” he growled. 

Ushijima’s hand slid down again, pressing along the line of his spine, taking its time over the curve of his butt, sliding back along his thighs. His skirt was hiked up, though that wasn’t too big of a job considering the short length of it to begin with. And then Ushijima pressed and ground his crotch against him and Hinata was flying. He tossed his head back and squealed. 

“Just like that~” he sang. Lips sank against his elongated neck and teeth scraped gently over his Adam’s apple. He moaned long and low. “Mm, yes~”

“So sexy,” husked Ushijima. “Everything... all of you- so wonderful, Hinata.”

There was something animalistic in the man’s voice, and it awoke the slumbering beast inside Hinata. He gasped at the suddenness of it; usually he awoke it when he was ready. A rush of adrenaline hit him. His teeth ached and his throat was suddenly dry. He could smell Ushijima now, really smell him, and fuck, he smelled like warm apple pie fresh from the oven, or a cabin in the woods, surrounded by pine. Hinata felt it with his whole body as the scent hit his tongue and he could _taste_ it. 

And suddenly he was pushing away, scared. “Sorry,” he rushed, stumbling a few steps backwards. He fixed his dress, stared at the man who had nearly undone him completely. 

“God, that was nice,” he said by way of a farewell. “Too bad you’re too good for me,” were the words that danced on the wind when he was gone. 

Ushijima stared disbelieving into the empty alley, his hands still up to hold what he now wondered might have been a fever dream, too good to be true. He thought about going back inside, but in the end he just hunched his shoulders and stalked home, silent. 

They both couldn’t help but feel like the treasure of a lifetime had just slipped from their grasp.

x

This was very new. Hinata’s teeth ached. His stomach rumbled, unsatisfied. He’d had to use his emergency supply of blood last night to sate himself, but that was always unsatisfying. Hinata licked at his long canines, nails scraping over his skin, annoyed. 

That was new, not taking his victim once he had them, but the newest of all was the fact that his victim was still stuck in his head and he couldn’t... leave it alone. 

So now he sat in a back booth at the dingy bar he’d met Ushijima at, and he watched. He wasn’t the only one watching the man either. Several eyes were on him, _watching_ him. Eating him up. Only a few were brave enough to approach, but he never turned anyone down for a chat or a drink. Hinata just watched from his seat in the back, sipping gin and ginger ale through a tiny straw slowly, letting the alcohol constantly run over his tongue. He tried to imagine it was warm, fresh blood, but he found it hard to focus. He licked at his lips, annoyed. His glamour shifted in and out of focus. It was harder to focus it on a meal of only a bag of medical blood. 

Hinata’s personal rule was to never leave a victim without drinking, and his second rule was to never roam in the same area twice. At least he was sticking with his rule of changing his glamour between each hunt. It wasn’t like he had to keep his true identity hidden or anything; no one would really think twice about a vampire hanging around, considering most people wouldn’t think about that at all even if they saw him. It was just his own personal rule.

The first girl that approached Ushijima wore a tight fitting black dress, her long brown hair laying in soft curls against her back. She leaned against the counter and showed off her curves, putting her chin in her closed fist, smiling at him. He turned towards her, and whatever his reaction was, she seemed to like it. She waved over the bartender and ordered him a drink, and when it was slid to her, she pushed it with long, manicured nails over to him. He caught her hand and Hinata watched the girl laugh, straightening up to sit on a bar stool next to him, leaning close. Ushijima drank his drink slowly, head always tilted towards her. 

Hinata lost count of how long she sat there, but Ushijima’s friends reclaimed his attention and she wandered off, disappointed, leaving only a napkin with her number behind. He left it sitting on the bar, and Hinata wasn’t sure why that made his fists unclench. He hadn’t even realized he’d been doing it until he uncurled his hands and saw white half moons marr his palm. Eyes were cast over shoulders, gaze searching through the dark before turning forward again. Hinata frowned, scootched deeper into the seat of the booth he sat in, uncomfortable. 

There was a friend with Ushijima that sat next to him, sat close, always leaned close, touched his arm and back often. Hinata squinted his eyes and watched; his senses tingled, his hand cramping now around his glass. He sighed angrily and forced his hand to relax, closing and opening his fists. When he looked up again, the straw in his mouth bit to unusable, there was another girl making her way over. This one had a short bob cut and leather shorts and a crop top on. She pulled Ushijima from his stool when he took her extended hand for introductions, and she laughed with her whole body as she pulled him to the dance floor, surprised. Ushijima danced with her like he couldn’t move as good as he could, and she draped her hands over his body, feeling him up like Hinata would. Like he had. He could still feel Ushijima’s heat, his firmness. Hands clenched and unclenched. He watched Ushijima’s friend pointedly ignore the couple behind him, leaned heavy over his drink, everyone else catcalling Ushijima and laughing. Hinata scratched at an itch on his palm, picked up his glass to drink straight from it. 

When the hunger in his veins and the ache in his teeth became more like a migraine, he pulled his eyes away from Ushijima and found an easy target, quick as possible, desperate to escape. The unsuspecting victim was probably not even half as tasty at the tall man, but certainly better than bagged blood...

Moving like the wind, Hinata was on his feet and across the bar, careful to stay in the shadows. The guy he had his eyes on stumbled out of the bar and Hinata caught him just outside the door, smiling coyly at his catch. He was handsome, and drunk enough to not question why Hinata’s grip on his upper arm was like a death pinch. With swaying hips and hair swished over his shoulder, Hinata moved in for the kill. It was easy, too easy. The guy gave a little yelp of surprise and then delight, the sound sinking into a low moan as Hinata’s fangs sank into his neck. The blood was warm as it hit his tongue, and it satisfied his body’s base need, but the lack of the chase left a bitter taste in his mouth. His kind revelled in their cat and mouse games, after all, and in the end, he felt still unsatisfied. His tummy swished with warmth and his veins purred to life, colors becoming a little duller and edges softer as alcohol from his victim coursed through his own veins now. He let the body slip away from him, unconscious, wiping harshly at his mouth. The man wouldn’t remember in the morning. Red smeared the back of his hand, and he licked at it with a deep frown. He cast his eyes down, frustrated, the night air cold around his shoulders. He dropped his glamour and pulled his coat around his frame, tired. And then he disappeared just as a tall body ran out into the alley with frantic eyes, looking like they’d felt a premonition pull them outside. 

x

Ushijima felt like he’d walked through a muddy dream; it had been a really delicious dream. He could still feel the warmth of it on his fingertips, even after a few days, or maybe that was from the other person in his dream. It was flashes of memories, long red hair, a silky black dress, _gorgeous_ pale eyes like ice. His lips tingled a little when he focused in on the thought of those eyes, the feel of lips against his own, or the warmth against his palm he’d felt. He knew he was forgetting something, but it felt useless to try to remember. 

Ushijima sat at the counter of the ramen shop and sulked. 

“Ushi, you’re being gross,” said Semi, frowning deeply at his friend. Ushijima didn’t even glance his way, knowing the blond was thoroughly annoyed with him. He pulled up his shoulders instead and took a big bite of the pork in his bowl. 

“I’m fine. Sorry,” he said as a way to surpass his weird behavior just now. It was typical for them; Semi seemed to easily let it go, turning back to his spicy ramen. His lips were a little red, but he was smiling as he ate happily. Slightly masochistic. 

But Ushijima himself couldn’t let it go. Throughout the day, he found his hands wandering and clenching on the memory of a small hand in his, felt his eyes drawn inexplicably to dark shadows as he walked home. Memories tugged at him like forgotten ghosts, and it irritated him. 

The bar scene wrapped around him like a welcoming blanket, and he moved back to his seat from last night. He ordered a drink, and then he sat and waited for his dream to walk back in and sit back down beside him.


	2. The Best Pain

Hinata felt it was absolutely useless to do whatever he was doing now with Ushijima. Watching him at the bar every weekend gave him that same migraine, and at some point it had stopped even being about the girls that constantly came to him. The migraine came now too when it was just his friends, and Hinata hadn’t had a good chase in a while; it was always just watching and feeling sick and then something quick and convenient to sate an impossible hunger. It wasn’t fun anymore, and Hinata was fairly sure it had stopped being fun the moment he’d walked away from Ushijima that first night. 

So he found himself in a new town, a new city, with a new nightlife, and a new glamour. He didn’t feel like trying too hard tonight, so he’d simply combed back his hair, his usual pompadour style that was popular these days, and a pair of skinny jeans and a shirt that cost more than most people made in a month. He pulled on his leather jacket and saw himself out the door of his hotel. 

He wasn’t really sure where he wanted to go, but he knew where the gay district was, and since finding men interested in him outside of that area was too time-consuming, Hinata started there. He opened the door of the first club that sounded loud enough to drown out even his thoughts, and he stepped inside. The place was dimly lit until you got to the dance floor in the back, where strobe lights and all kinds of fancy visual effects danced through the smoky air. Good. Hinata pulled himself up to the bar first and ordered an appletini. He wearily stared at the bar countertop, too tired at this point to even scope anyone out. His drink was slid across to him and he tossed a bill to the bartender, picking the glass up and finally turning around with a mild sigh. 

There, across the room, a handsome face smiled at him. Hinata almost laughed, thinking this was way too easy. Was the universe toying with him now? He eyed the stranger up and down slowly, smile spreading quietly on his own face the more he liked what he saw. It felt a little familiar, but Hinata couldn’t pinpoint why. The man’s eyes never left him, and Hinata leaned back against the bar, crossing his legs as he lounged back, just smiling. Hinata had never been one to shy away from a stare, and it seemed this man was just as determined as he. Hinata’s eyesight was good enough to spot the way the other’s eyes crinkled as he grinned at the redhead’s boldness. And then suddenly he was up, standing on tall legs, strutting towards Hinata like he was on a mission. Hinata couldn’t help but lick his lips as excitement began to stir in his gut. He sat up a little straighter, eyes watching as the languid drink of water made his way across the floor. And then he stopped in front of Hinata and the redhead tilted his head up, getting his first good look. Blonde hair so light it was almost white sat messily atop sharp brown eyes and a pretty face. He was tall too, a few inches taller than Hinata, but not as tall as Ushijima. His face almost didn’t match his broad build, but Hinata liked the contrast. Gap moe or whatever. He had a small nose hoop and a slender cartilage piercing, but that was it, and the lack of adornment almost made his few stand out. Much different than Ushijima. “Hi,” said a calm, soothing voice, thin lips smiling. 

Hinata chuckled and leaned back on the bar again, almost daring the man to follow with his eyes. “Hi, gorgeous. You’re quick, huh?”

The ash blond man took his challenge; he leaned in and grinned. “Didn’t want to risk a pretty thing like you getting stolen away.” He reached over and fingered at the edge of Hinata’s jacket, brown eyes intent on him. “I’m Semi, by the way.”

“Hinata,” he replied as he tilted his head and smiled softly. He let his eyes wander again. “Well, I’m glad,” he added finally with a coy smile. 

“Wanna dance?” 

Semi took one glance over his shoulder, then back to Hinata. The dance floor was deserted, but he didn’t show that this dissuaded him from his task. Hinata found him genuinely intriguing, and he felt excitement for the chase stir up again. It had been so long. Semi smiled, then looked down. Tantalizing fingers pressed softly to the inside of Hinata’s wrist just below the cuff of his jacket, and his blue eyes shot down. He watched Semi slowly work his fingers down over his palm, slip his fingers between Hinata’s slim ones. Then his brown eyes shifted back up to Hinata and the other had to catch his breath. “Let’s just go talk,” he said finally with a tilt to his lips that was sexually explicit enough to send chills up Hinata’s spine. The redhead licked at his lips, heart racing for the first time in a long while. Semi watched it all with smiling eyes and a knowing look. It was almost aggravating, how confident and smug he was, but Hinata wasn’t going to complain.

Without needing a verbal answer from Hinata, Semi turned then and pulled Hinata along, leading him and his appletini to a small table in the corner of the club, the one he’d originally come from. Hinata felt entranced by the other as he moved. The music was a little quieter in the back, speakers turned away, and the lighting was almost romantic. Semi pulled out a chair and offered it to Hinata, who set his drink down and sat, crossing his legs slowly as he watched the other slip into the chair just beside him, smiling as he leaned forward and collected his own drink, something white in a short glass. Hinata wasn’t even going to try to pretend to know what the drink was. 

“So,” said Hinata, smiling coyly. “What was it about me-?”

Semi laughed, stared at Hinata for a while, catching on to the little joke. It looked like he was genuinely trying to figure the other out, his brown eyes warm like chocolate as he let them roam over Hinata’s form. Hinata licked at his lips, bit at them, feeling too warm from the eyes on him. He sat up and slid off his jacket, Semi’s eyes watching his every move like he was fascinated. A smile lit up his face like he was slowly coming to some kind of understanding. Finally he gave Hinata a shrug, a coy smile. “I don’t know, you’re just really cute.” He leaned back in his chair, hands folded on his lap, eyes never leaving Hinata. The redhead felt almost compelled to follow, to lean forward as he pulled back. Semi’s next words were a little less light-hearted, more intentional. “I’m here visiting family and I thought I’d like to have a good time, and you certainly look like you would be.” A sneaky hand snuck up Hinata’s thigh, warm over his jeans. He let it rest there, only smiling to show he’d noticed. 

“Your eyes work well, then,” Hinata joked, feeling a little less coy as his heart was actually starting to pound out of his chest. He could just taste it in the air that Semi was dangerous, but he was way too intrigued now to pull away. He craved for more. Destructive. “Does your family approve of your night time activities?”

Semi grinned like he could read Hinata like an open book. The redhead found it unnerving that the other understood so well that he had Hinata in the palm of his hand already. He was way too smug, but that part of him was also what was making Hinata’s heart jump out of his chest. “Are you asking if they know I’m looking for young guys to spend the night with? Let’s just say, yes, but they don’t approve.”

Hinata felt heat flush over him, and he giggled softly and leaned forward, trying to act like he wasn’t just wanting to be closer to the allure that seeped off of Semi. He was practically sitting on the edge of his seat now, Semi’s hand pressing close enough to his crotch to give Hinata a heat attack. “A little naughty then,” he said with all of the calm suave he could procure. 

Semi growled seductively suddenly and slid closer in his chair, his hand coasting up to Hinata’s hips. He slid it quickly around Hinata’s back before he could register what was happening, too quick to draw a breath, pulling the other closer by his butt cheek. Hinata slid forward effortlessly in his chair, hiding his shaky smile behind his hand, his breathlessness with his palm. “I can be a lot naughty if you prefer.”

Hinata just hummed, begging his heart to slow as he sipped at his tini. The alcohol did nothing for him, but the taste of it over his tongue was soothing, and he slowly gathered himself. He curved his spine and glance over his shoulder, smiling at Semi, coy and poised again. “Whatever you want, handsome.” He set his glass down and walked his fingers up Semi’s free hand, draped over the edge of the table. He wasn’t even sure why he was getting so wrapped up in it, but maybe it had been a little too long after all. Ushijima had pulled him into a downward spiral and this was what it felt like to pull yourself back out to the surface and rise to the clouds again. Or get dragged down into something worse just to feel something again; Hinata couldn’t tell the difference anymore, or maybe he didn’t care. “I think I’ll have a good time either way.”

Semi leaned really close then, and Hinata could smell him now. He smelled like menthol cigarettes, smoky hints mixed with mint and cologne. He nearly frowned. Smoking lessened the taste of the blood, but he wasn’t going to complain now, not with this man. Semi was like a fatal attraction, and Hinata felt a raw desire to flirt with death tonight. Semi set his whole body aflame, and he craved it.

“What say we get out of here, cutie pie?” Semi asked against Hinata’s cheek as he brushed against him. Hinata could see the blood thump through the vein in his neck, and he felt his throat go dry with desire. The scent of his blood mixed with his body scent and Hinata felt intoxicated, far more than his beverage was doing for him. He pushed Semi’s glass towards the man, encouraging him to finish it off as he downed the rest of his own drink. The only way vampires could get drunk was via the alcohol in their meal’s blood, and he thought he’d really enjoy a nice buzz to simmer down the heat in his veins in a minute. Semi stood and chugged his drink, and then he was pulling Hinata up and into his arms, tugging him along outside, sexy and suave even in his hurry. His body was warm, and he had a strong hold, though nothing Hinata couldn’t break, so he sank against the other and let Semi lead him away. 

He let Semi take him out of the alleyway he’d intended to use to feast, let him pay for the hotel room he usually would have rejected, let him take off his clothes too. He was itching for his buzz, for his meal, but he was also craving contact after weeks of dissatisfying encounters, so he let Semi push him down on the bed, let him crawl over him, naked bodies warm against each other. Hinata pressed his nose against Semi’s chest and inhaled deep, letting his mind float away quietly. 

Semi was actually pretty good with his fingers. Hinata was clinging to his shoulders, legs folded and spread wide, Semi sucking hickeys into his neck and chest. Hinata knew that if he could just hold out, then the sex would make the blood taste just a little bit sweeter, and it would make up for the bitter of the tobacco. He’d loose the buzz of the alcohol, but he much preferred to have a yummy meal now, considering his last few had been very disappointing. 

“What are you thinking about, honey buns?” huffed Semi coyly into Hinata’s ear. “Let me hear you.”

He crooked his fingers up just then, and Hinata felt his back arch, all of his thoughts falling away. “Oh~!” he sighed happily. Scratch that, Semi was _very good_ with his fingers. 

Suddenly the other pulled out, panting hard, boxer briefs strained. His pale skin glistened softly with a sheen of sweat, and his scent surrounded Hinata like a hazy cloud of pheromones. He sucked in air through his mouth to retain some sanity, but he could taste Semi, felt his teeth ache sharply. Semi pushed down his boxers just enough to release his cock, and he rolled on a condom with his other hand. He was a nice size, a really pretty cock, and he held it firmly in his grasp. Hinata watched him with half-lidded eyes, desire strumming through his veins. Semi caught his look, his lips wobbling up into a cocky smile that felt a little more genuine than the ones before. He released a breath as he slowly closed the gap between them, as he kissed Hinata carefully, testing the waters. Hinata licked against his lips, just a little taste, but Semi seemed like a drug. There was a sweet taste and Hinata let a small whimper escape. Semi swallowed the sound and his own breathless laugh, diving against Hinata’s mouth with fervency. A tongue licked up into his mouth, scraped over his teeth, caught on his sharp canines. Semi’s chest rumbled and Hinata grabbed at him, purred against him, aching. 

“Come on, darling,” Semi sang smoothly as he pulled away a little to breathe, the condom now fully on after the distractions. He reached down and spread Hinata’s legs wider, pulling apart his cheeks, his left arm flexing to support his weight over Hinata. The redhead didn’t know what to focus on, his hand sliding down and gripping at a firm bicep, his eyes darting down wide and expectant to his crotch. Semi smirked and sank his ass closer to the mattress, positioning himself. And then with one slow thrust, he sank inside Hinata’s heat. 

Hinata just silently reached up and grabbed at his shoulders, nails scraping carelessly over unmarred skin. He could smell Semi’s blood, but not yet, he thought. His ass ached to be ruined, so he’d let the two have their fun first. In his mind, he was rational, but his heart and body were stealing the show quickly as heat washed over him in waves with desire, heart trembling to keep up with it all. He gasped out a lungful of air as Semi shifted inside him, grabbed at his hips with a shiver.

It soon became quite apparent to Hinata that Semi liked pain, that it helped drive his hips. Semi was currently making sounds that Hinata had never imagined a cocky guy like him could make, and he was living for it as he moaned sweetly along, encouraging. Hinata’d scratched up half his back already, and he could tell he was almost there, Semi plowing him good, voice high. But Hinata knew by the rapid beating of his heart and his panting breaths that he couldn’t keep it up like this, and they were both desperate to release, the smell of it heavy in the air. Hinata cooed Semi closer, wrapped legs around his hips and smiled at him. Semi’s eyes were slightly glazed over and unfocused, and Hinata brushed aside a stray strand of ashy hair, tilting his head. The sex was giving him rose colored glasses, fondness stirring up and he’d forgotten he could feel this way. 

“Shall I give you the best pain?” he whispered cryptically, almost too quiet to hear, but Semi was close, holding his breath. Brown eyes fluttered open, teetering so long on the edge of an orgasm that he was going a little lightheaded. He smiled down at Hinata and sank against him, and Hinata knew then that he truly had him hooked. He smirked, happiness warming his gut. Hinata took one good whiff of him, his cologne, his scent, his sweat. His teeth ached inside his mouth, and he licked at them. 

“Semi~” he cooed, a moment of pause to build anticipation in the man who practically vibrated atop him now, and then he bit him. Right on his neck, right on a vein, right where his heavenly smell was the strongest, where his blood pumped the loudest. Hinata had done it this way a few times, enough to know; no one had ever reacted like this before. 

Semi throbbed inside his ass, suddenly very aware of himself and Hinata, like an espresso shot straight to his heart, and he let out the sweetest moan of relief. It grew higher as he climbed, his hips regaining their energy. Warm, sweet blood hit Hinata’s tongue, and he was sucking ravenously, Semi’s voice going high, hands grabbing at Hinata like he was scared this magic would vanish, like he couldn’t get enough. Hinata felt high off this feeling alone. The blood became increasingly sweeter as Semi headed full speed for his eruption. He thrust up just right in one instance, and suddenly Hinata was cumming hard, panting and drinking Semi up. He could taste his arousal so strongly, felt his hunger slowly dull as warmth replaced it, a hint of alcohol and menthol hitting his tongue like the sweet notes of a well-flavored desert. It all drew out his orgasm, made it more intense, made him feel like he was out of his body, flying. Nothing had ever felt so damn good before. Semi was close too, he could hear it, taste it. Hands clutched into the sheets beside Hinata’s head and Semi was panting, short, little gasps of air. Hinata reached back and smacked his ass _hard_ , and Semi released the most beautiful noise, a high note that sounded nearly ephemeral. He crescendoed as he came, his voice dipping into a lovely whimper as he slowly peaked down from his orgasm. Hinata felt full, so sated as he licked at Semi’s neck, soothing. Fullness sated both his ass and tummy, and he sighed like he’d carried a burden for years and finally felt it lifted. He felt himself revive, rejuvenate. He pulled Semi closer, desperate to get the last few drops to fill him up, the beading on his two puncture wounds, just enough so the other wouldn’t pass out on him. It took all his restraint not to drain the other dry with how sweet he tasted. 

He pulled off with a smack, lips red. Semi pushed himself up, arms a little shaky, stared at Hinata, too blissed out to connect two and two. He grinned at Hinata, let out an adorable little giggle as he leaned forward to kiss ruby lips. He licked at them, the two cleaning each other with their tongues. Hinata too let out a satisfied noise or two. Semi was warm against him, and Hinata ran a gentle finger down his spine. He felt the shiver and the sigh, felt it like they were connected now via the blood, as Semi slipped out of him. Warmth rushed down his ass, and he smiled quietly, happy.

Semi rolled off him and sank to the bed like a sack of potatoes, and Hinata lamented at the emptiness, but with his belly full, he was content to just lie there as well. Semi’s arm under his neck and his body warm against his side was comforting for once. He closed his eyes, daydreamed. He wasn’t sure what it was about Semi, but his usual guards seemed null in the man’s presence. He prayed it wouldn’t come back to bite him in the ass, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop breaking his own rules.

He giggled softly when Semi began tracing soft circles over his belly. He felt the bed shift as the other rolled over, sat up on his elbow. He could feel eyes on him, but he was content to just lie there, his own eyes closed. “So. Did you find your fun?” he asked finally, coy, smiling. 

Semi just hummed. “I think you know,” he answered, still rubbing circles into Hinata’s stomach, almost mesmerized. 

Hinata slowly opened his eyes, watched Semi watch him. He liked the soft look in his eyes, that sated happy look that came with blood loss and good sex. Semi looked a little paler, which almost made his hair glow around his face. Hinata reached up to finger at it. 

“You know,” said Semi sleepily as he laid back down, head sinking down to the pillow beside Hinata’s head. “You’d look really damn sexy with a belly button piercing.”

Hinata almost giggled, but then chocolate eyes slid up to him and he forgot what was funny. His face froze as Semi watched him, as he slowly fell asleep. When he was breathing heavy, Hinata turned over sharply and tried to collect himself. 

Why had he seen a flash of olive eyes just now, and why had he felt happy to see it? He felt cold even as warm blood settled in his stomach. There was a slight buzz still, but it was annoying more than anything now. Hinata knew he should get up and leave, but his body didn’t listen. He felt restless in his own skin, frozen stiff as the blood seemed to curdle in his stomach like bad milk, and he wondered why he’d made such a bad, bad mistake. 

Something wet slid down his temple as he stared at the ceiling, breaking apart at the seams. He wiped at it, confused, tired. He knew sleep was coming for him, his eyelids already growing heavy as his hand fell limp by his face. His heart ached and he tried to breathe through his panic. Before he knew it, sleep took him like the dead.

When he woke up in the morning, he found only a small business card and a note on the back of it from Semi. It left a bitter taste in his mouth to realize he was relieved the other was already gone. He gingerly collected himself out of bed, washed himself since he had some time to spare now. But the feeling from last night clung to his skin, and even when he stepped out to dry off from his shower, he still felt dirty. He shuffled into the bedroom, pulled on last night’s jeans and shirt, foregoing the boxers that were stained with pre-cum and stuffing them instead in his back pocket. 

In the train, he finally looked at the card, the handwritten note on it. 

_If you want to get that belly button piercing, let me know. ;)_

On the front was a shop name and Semi’s information. Semi Eita. Professional Piercer. And his shop was in the town that Hinata had just left behind. 

Hinata wanted to go home and scrub him skin off in a second shower and curl up in bed and die. Why, why had he been so stupid last night when he’d never once broken his rules before, not to this extent, not _that_ rule? His own rebellion left behind a skin-crawling feeling that refused to leave him, guilt feeling like slugs on his skin.

He stumbled to his hotel room and scrubbed until his skin burned, and then he cried himself to sleep again.


	3. Already Gone

Semi’d been strange lately, which was saying a lot for the man. It wasn’t anything very noticeable, but he seemed way too on edge sometimes. Ever since he’d taken vacation to go visit his family, Semi had been antsy, quicker to get annoyed or angry. He was smoking like a chimney some days, his eyes glued to his phone, waiting. There seemed to be an itch under his skin that he couldn’t scratch.

And it seemed like it was something only Ushijima noticed or cared about. Everyone else acted like nothing was wrong, and as far as Ushijima could tell, they believed it. But Ushijima had known Semi since they were in middle school together, and Ushijima could _tell_. 

He also hadn’t missed the two bruises around the pinpricks on Semi’s neck when he came home from his vacation. Semi seemed super conscious of them as well, wearing bandaids or high collared shirts, always minding that they were covered. The man had actually growled at him when he caught Ushijima staring as he adjusted his shirt one day, the collar having slipped enough to reveal deep purple bruising. It sat weird with him, almost like how jealousy felt, but Ushijima had no idea why. He wasn’t sure why Semi would care if Ushijima knew he’d met someone nice, but maybe it hadn’t turned out so well for Semi, and he was upset or embarrassed. 

It just didn’t sit right with Ushijima, almost like a string pulling on a memory he couldn’t access, like there was some puzzle he should be putting together with the pieces he had, but he couldn’t see clear enough to grasp it. 

And so the weeks seemed to drag by, and every day left Ushijima more bored than the next. He felt like something really exciting had happened to him, and now everything else paled in comparison. But no matter how many times he went to the bar or how many people he asked, no one knew anything about Hinata, or where she’d gone to. Semi refused to go out with him anymore, claiming to be busy or working late with clients, and going by himself was unsatisfying. Even the attention from other girls had grown tiresome. He spent most of his nights now fretting that he’d let something really good slip from his fingers. He replayed the scene over and over, thinking how he could have changed things, but the more he tried to recall it, specific details, how Hinata had smelled, the more those things slipped away from him, like water through your fingers if you held on too tightly. He could barely remember what she’d sounded like now, how her lips had felt against his. She felt almost like a dream that had never actually happened to him, which made him all the more desperate to ensure it was all real. But no one knew her, or talked of her, and Semi had become a clam since then. 

So Ushijima had no choice but to just carry on like always. Maybe another piercing would help; maybe the pain would take his mind off the feeling in his heart he couldn’t describe. 

x

Nothing was exciting anymore. Hinata had even taken to holing himself up in his room and surviving off bags of blood because it was just so tiring to go out anymore, when everything tasted bland and felt mediocre. Mixing the blood with wine helped some nights, but other nights he let the ache of hunger gnaw at him until he fell asleep. 

He’d had friends once, he thought, but calling them now felt weird. If it wasn’t for his policy to only use a human once as food, he’d call Semi, who was good in bed, at least, and tasted fairly decent aside from the cigarettes. But he didn’t. He just let the business card sit in his jacket, let it lie there, fester. Toy with him. 

He licked at his rough lips, which felt dry in every sense of the word. His veins were hugging tight to his skin, and his eyes felt irritated. His throat was scratchy and his skin was cracking from lack of moisture and care. He could take a bath, he thought, but what was the point if he was the only one there? It wasn’t like he began to smell like humans did. 

Hinata wondered when he’d become so obsessed with scent. The smell of Ushijima lingered in the back of his mind, and Semi’s scent clung to his jacket. It sometimes seemed to take over all of his senses, until he felt choked by it. The feeling of missing someone, of missing out, felt so foreign that it was more upsetting some days than drinking stale blood. Hinata couldn’t even describe the way he felt, because it had been decades since his heart had felt anything for anyone. Usually it lay dormant in his rib cage. He’d promised himself ages ago that love was never worth it, because losing that love ached for more years than it lasted. For a creature like him, a wound like that never healed; it only festered and reopened and hurt him over and over. He packed away his jacket that smelled of something he craved, and he tidied his memories of the things he wanted into a box in the back of his mind, and he tried to move on, tried to go far away. To the other end of Japan, to the islands, but every place felt stale and similar. Life seemed dull in Hinata’s sight.

As weeks turned to months, Hinata contemplated what dying was like for a vampire. It wasn’t easy, apparently. He’d never really tried before now, but some days he forgot to eat, and others he chose the torture of hunger over the unsatisfying feeling and the memories of better. He hadn’t had sex in forever; he was sure his ass was re-virginizing itself, but there was absolutely no desire in him to be touched. His best comfort was being wrapped inside an igloo of sheets and comforters and pillows, praying for sleep to come. He played with his belly button and dreamed of someone else, somewhere else. 

x

Semi had spent most of his life getting very good at holding a poker face. The last few weeks had been a test of this time. 

Meeting Ushijima in middle school had been one of the best moments of Semi’s life. He hadn’t realized how low he’d sunk until a long while after that moment; he didn’t even realize what a miracle it would turn out to be when Ushijima had walked up to him one day, impressive in stature even back then, and had pressed a flyer down on his desk. Back then, Ushijima had smiled a lot more readily, which was hard to picture looking at him now. Semi could have never guessed he’d mean so much and be so... annoyingly constant.

“Semi-kun, right? You need to sign up for a club!”

Semi had pushed the paper away and rolled his eyes at the giant towering over his desk. His first impression of the other boy hadn’t been the greatest. But he hadn’t been able to escape signing up for a club, nor Ushijima himself since that day. They’d somehow become some kind of friendly acquaintances, mostly due to Ushijima’s persistence in the matter of Semi joining a club and having a lunch mate. Ushijima was part of the volleyball club, and looking at the size of it had given Semi the illusion he could pass his time lazily on the bench. But then he’d been forced to play and he and everyone else had figured out he was _good_. He would have been mad, by all rights should have been that his perfect plan for laziness was spoiled, but the most surprising thing was that Semi fell in love with the game, with playing. He fell in love with the feeling of the ball against his palm and the running, the jumping, the freedom of the sport. For the first time in his life, he’d found something exciting in the life he wanted so badly to escape from. And at the end of that new happiness stood a man with the most dazzling smile and the longest arms, begging Semi to play with him. And Semi had fallen in love with not just a game, but a human too. 

A man. 

It had taken him a long time to realize first that it was abnormal, and second that it was truly how he felt; that it wasn’t just a phenomenon of attributing something good in his life to one person and loving that person because he loved what they’d given him. Not all stories were as simple as his, but it was a common theme, wasn’t it? Unrequited love for a classmate. And it hadn’t gone away, because Ushijima had followed him. First to high school, then to this town, and finally to the small tattoo shop they both worked at. 

He just couldn’t get rid of him. 

“Semi,” Ushijima said in his deep voice, gazing at his friend. Brown eyes like melted chocolate stared back, Semi pulled out of his memories by the object of them. Ushijima held a bottle of rum to his cheek, the thing emptied nearly entirely by him. Semi watched him carefully, having never encountered a drunk Ushijima before, wary of even being with him right now. 

“I thought you were really pretty when we first met.”

He just couldn’t seem to get rid of him at all. 

Semi blinked at his friend. He’d tried avoiding Ushijima as best as he could since he’d come home from his parents, but it was hard to avoid a man that big, that determined, someone he worked with everyday. Dodging Ushijima was like dodging a stray bullet, and tonight he’d been hit. He pushed down the hope that choked up in his chest, because he’d been here so many times before and it was painful. But yet he heard his lips mutter, “I didn’t think you were-“

“-and then I realized you were a dude.”

“There it is,” huffed Semi. He almost laughed. He would have, probably, but Ushijima was staring at him, so serious, and he just couldn’t. He turned away, rubbed almost habitually now at his neck. The wound from Hinata had ached for days, and it had almost been nice while it lasted, a distraction from the dullness of his own heart, from the pain of being Ushijima’s friend. He turned away now from inquisitive olive eyes, eyes that saw too much for their own good, and he ducked his head down, trying to recall memories of Hinata instead of Ushijima’s words on replay. But the secret he held in his heart, the love he’d carried for years would be a secret he’d rather die with than reveal. 

A warm hand with thick fingers pressed against Semi’s cheek, and for a moment, Semi felt real fear, his heart crawling up into his throat. It happened sometimes, when Ushijima was too kind or stared too deeply; probably when he was drunk like this, he said things that didn’t mean how they sounded. Those heart dropping moments came sometimes all too often, cruel, when he thought that maybe Ushijima had figured him out at some point. He wanted to close his eyes now and savor the caress, but that would only hurt more in the end, so he just stared wide eyed at a very drunk man. 

“Ushi-“ he began carefully, a warning maybe, an undying hope.

“Semi,” Ushijima said again, cutting the other off. His fingers fell almost lazily to Semi’s neck, his eyes shifting down noticeable, pupils unfocused. Semi wanted to pull away, to save his heart, but his body felt frozen. Ushijima was frowning deeply, thinking probably way too hard about something he shouldn’t. Semi wanted to tell him to stop minding whatever it was; it wasn’t his business, it was probably something he didn’t want to talk about anyways, but the words stuck to his throat and he just sat there, dumb. When he was younger, he’d been able to pull away, to laugh it off, to avoid, but the more years he lived with the pain, the easier it was to just let eyes follow, let touches linger. 

Ushijima opened his mouth, and Semi was too wrapped up in it, the words slipping over his ears, but they meant nothing. “What were those two bruises you had on your neck before?”

Semi blinked, confused. “Before when?” he asked mindlessly. 

“A while ago. After vacation with your family.”

He froze, his heart in his throat, choking him. Semi’s face flashed through several micro expressions, but the settling thought was, _Fuck._ He’d meant, in the beginning, for this to happen, but now it twisted his gut. 

That night at the bar, it had taken him but a moment to recognize Hinata. Semi could still so clearly see Hinata over Ushijima’s shoulders, that memory burned into his mind with a bitter jealousy. Even in the dim lighting of that club, a few towns over, those eyes were unmistakeable. Anger had burned so brightly in him in that one moment. It had only been a test at first, trying to determine gender or something stupid like that, trying to determine if his anger was justified. And then it had been meant as payback, as a spark of jealousy for Ushijima, as revenge for Hinata tricking his best friend. Along with it came a bitter thought, a burrowing thing that whispered, “If Hinata is a guy and he can still capture Ushi like that...” But somewhere along the line Semi had become fascinated by the redhead. So he should have been glad that Ushijima was pouting at him like this, confusion in his eyes. He could have gloated, should have, but now just the thought of it left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth, and he wished neither of them had ever met Hinata.

Semi watched Ushijima, recognized the glint of sadness, of a missed chance glowing faintly in those olive eyes, and he pulled back, startled. The truth sat heavy on the tip of his tongue. Just break him now. _Ushijima, I hate to tell you, but..._ He knew he could so easily ruin Ushijima, ruin them both, but Hinata cling to his mouth and shut his lips, sealing secrets inside his head. Ushijima just watched him, and he wondered what was better, being him or being Ushijima. 

Definitely Ushijima... 

And then Semi did something stupid and he leaned back forward again, close to Ushijima, close enough to smell him. He closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled deep, let the stupidity of the moment really sink in, but he ached and his feelings were a mess and Hinata, that damn witch, had ruined them both, and he just wanted someone else to hurt like he hurt. 

“Do you really wanna know about those marks, Ushijima?”

An expression Semi couldn’t read crossed over Ushijima’s face like a dark cloud. He was staring so intently that it was nerve-wracking. He was still fingering at Semi’s neck, and even Semi couldn’t keep the heat from rising to his face. Anger came with it, something inexplicable that made him want to explode. His fingers clawed at the table top.

“Ushi,” he breathed, choked out. “I’ll tell you if you kiss me.”

Ushijima actually looked to be considering it for half a moment, but that half a moment really pulled Semi over the edge. He felt like he was already drowning anyways, so why not tie another weight around his ankle. 

He made the choice for Ushijima. 

He pulled the man in with a strong pull, nails digging into Ushijima’s neck, lips crashing together with a loud smack. His eyes ached from how tight he squeezed them, his heart in his throat again; he hadn’t meant for this to happen, not like this, probably never at all, but he couldn’t deny that he’d always, always wanted this. Semi melted so easily that it was ridiculous, held tighter onto short hair, pulled Ushijima closer. He didn’t want to breathe anymore, wanted to die just like this, because this dream was too good, and he never wanted to pull away to face reality. He silently asked sober Ushijima for forgiveness; drunk Ushijima didn’t seem to care. 

“Tell me about them,” Ushijima said the moment their lips disconnected. He stared up at Semi, unfazed, while the other had to pick up his heart and his whole life again in bitty pieces off the floor, while he did everything he could to not look at Ushijima. Did he realize how cruel he was being? Most likely not. 

“It was just from someone I spent a night with,” Semi said, losing all of his spine. Why had he come so far if he was just going to shy away when it really counted. What had he done any of it for? Suddenly he wished he had Hinata’s number, to call him, to come save him. Semi turned his face away, emotions too clear to dare lift it up. Ushijima was so unfair...

Fingers alighted his skin again, light. _Unfair!_ Semi screamed as his heart seized up in his chest, as he had to force air into his dying lungs.

“You know, there’s a small scar if you look at it in the right light.”

Semi couldn’t look at him, not when he sounded so sad and frustrated. Semi grabbed the back of his head instead and dipped down to press his face into Ushijima’s neck, to hide, to be close. Which was better, to be him, or to be Ushijima right now?

_I miss him too, Toshi. I miss you._

And maybe the cruelest of all was that Ushijima still saw him as a friend to the very end, not pushing Semi away, letting him lean there against him. He played with Ushijima’s piercings as the man pulled him into a hug, always too kind and gentle, and Semi had to bite his lip to keep from sobbing aloud. His body thrilled at the warmth of those arms around him even as he missed the ache of teeth on his neck. He wanted to drown in this warmth, in that pain. Maybe he was finally snapping, his self-control pushed too far. So Semi closed his eyes and pretended for a moment that the hug meant something more, that at home he had someone waiting for him.

That he wasn’t alone.

x

The club was loud, and Semi found it more annoying than usual. Ushijima had dragged him out somehow, something about worried about him and wanting to rejuvenate their friendship. Semi had rolled his eyes, but he’d shown up. 

Now he was nursing his mule and wondering if it was too soon to go back home again. He watched with aggravation as a girl made eyes at Ushijima, who was blissfully unaware. The girl, too, seemed either unaware or was blatantly ignoring Semi staring her down with certain death in his eyes. He lowered his head, leaning closer to Ushijima, pretending to suddenly be very interested in the conversation the tall man was having with the bartender. He took the opportunity to drink in Ushijima. 

He had a slight bump of stubble over his jaw, and his skin looked soft and flushed after three drinks. Semi was still nursing his second, but he felt somehow drunker than Ushijima looked. There was a warm glow over him. Ushijima’s lips were incredible, soft pink, looking very kissable, and he wished he hadn’t just thought that because now Ushijima was looking down at him curiously like he could hear Semi’s thoughts. Ushijima looked like he was about to open his mouth, but something to his left distracted him. Semi pulled back harshly and bit back a growl. He’d lost track of the girl and now she was here, eyeing Ushijima up like a bright eyed doe, and Ushijima was smiling sweetly at her, completely unaware that he was encouraging her on. Semi clicked his tongue and pushed himself back in his chair, tapping the bar to ask silently for another drink. He slid his card across the bar top without looking. Anger bubbled in his gut. He couldn’t stand listening to the girl’s bubbly sweet voice a moment longer. Why hadn’t Ushijima sent her away yet? Semi could tell by the set of his shoulders that he wasn’t interested. 

He opened his mouth, launched forward to separate the two, but just then, a body slid into his field of view. He huffed in anger, but then his eyes slid up the body of the newcomer, and he pressed his lips tightly together. 

A beautiful face, an award-winning smile, and brown hair that was probably as soft as clouds; before him stood something close to perfection, and Semi felt instantly intrigued. He’d blame it later on that last cocktail. The intruder tilted his head at Semi and smiled, leaning casually against the bar. “Listen, I don’t usually do this, but you look like you’re having a terrible time, and I’d like to see if I can fix that and make a cutie like you smile.”

Semi sat back slowly and looked the brunet up and down. He was damn cute himself, Semi thought, feeling a smile tug at his mouth. “Who says I’d be into that?” he said, trying to feign disinterest, but the brunet just leaned forward and grinned at him, cheeky, cocky. It was almost like looking into a mirror, Semi thought comically. 

“Come on, darling, we both know you don’t roll around in bed with any ladies.” A slim hand with stunning fingers slid up a flat chest, and the stranger smiled coyly. “I’m Oikawa Tooru. It’s my pleasure to meet you.”

And then he extended his hand and Semi had no choice really but to introduce himself. He took the hand, and with more strength than Oikawa looked capable of, he pulled Semi out of his chair and to the dance floor. He laughed over his shoulder and called, “Let’s dance!” like he wasn’t already dragging Semi halfway there. He picked his feet out from under him and began to smile genuinely as he followed Oikawa out. The lights became brighter and the music louder, and they weren’t the only people dancing, thank goodness. Semi felt self-conscious, but Oikawa just smiled at him as if to say, _Leave it all up to me_.

The way Oikawa moved had to be illegal. He was like a goddess with the way he could sway his hips and grind against Semi. He was pulling at his hands and hips and Semi could only follow in something he could only describe as sex with clothes on. He wasn’t even aware of the eyes on them anymore when Oikawa pulled him close by the back of his head and kissed him deeply. 

“You’re smiling,” Oikawa said proudly as he pulled back slowly, hips rolling slowly against Semi’s. His own hands lay where Oikawa had put them earlier, low on his hips. A voluptuous ass sat just at the end of his fingertips, and he grinned despite himself, hands slipping down into jeans pockets to cup Oikawa’s ass. The man hummed, and it reverberated against Semi’s own chest pleasantly. “You look much more stunning like this.”

At some point, Semi looked around. He was a little surprised to find Ushijima still at the bar with the girl, not having been dragged to the dance floor yet, though the woman certainly looked like she was trying her best to get him there. But most surprising of all was that Ushijima wasn’t paying any attention to her at all. 

No, instead his eyes were locked on Semi and Oikawa. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes were hard, and Semi felt dread wash over his body. Oikawa was thankfully too absorbed to sense the change in him. He turned back to the brunet and swallowed hard. 

He kept dancing, but he couldn’t ignore the burn of Ushijima’s gaze on him the whole time. When he finally walked back over to the bar, Ushijima was alone, his face like solid stone. 

“Did you have fun?” Ushijima asked, voice so toneless.

“...Yeah.”

Ushijima turned towards him as he sat. He watched Semi for a long time like he didn’t even know him. Finally he turned away again and said, again in a neutral voice, “I didn’t know you were gay.”

Semi just blinked and all he could think was, _Why did you think I asked to kiss you, then?_

But he just silently finished his drink, fingering at the little piece of paper with Oikawa’s number on it in his pocket. “I don’t expect you to use it, but if you ever find it hard to smile again,” he’d said as he’d slipped it himself into Semi’s front pocket, hands grazing a little longer than needed. 

Semi swallowed past the lump forming in his throat as his heart slowed to a death crawl. 

“Does it matter?” he choked out past his drink that tasted gross now. 

Ushijima glanced at him for only a moment. He shrugged. “No. Why should it?”

Semi felt the cold chill of what could only be a fat lie. When Ushijima sighed, it was like a dam bursting. 

“I’m sorry, it’s none of my business.” He stood up and gathered his coat. “I’m tired, I’m headed home.”

“Okay,” said Semi into his drink, all he could do. “Bye,” he said to no one. 

Ushijima was already gone.


	4. Feelings Realized Far Too Late

When staying cooped up hadn’t been doing it anymore for Hinata, he’d started going out again. He’d felt emaciated and gaunt, but thankfully he had glamour to attract his new prey so he could fill out his cheeks again. It was mindless, but so he’d gone from town to town, half-draining the local population of Japan. He’d even tried a few ladies, because what did it really matter anymore? 

In the midst of all of the wandering, there were two thoughts that were constant, two existences. Most of the time, he was able to forget, to put it at the back of his mind, but during the day, when he was alone, and in his dreams when he slept, there was no way to escape. In those moments he let his memories, his fantasies, his dreams take him over. It didn’t have to be real, it wasn’t real, but it made him feel a little bit better if even only until he awoke again.

One night, when he was feeling particularly restless, though, he found himself on a very specific street, in a familiar town, and he had to stop and really think about it. He stuffed his hands into his leather jacket and fingered at the card that was still there in his pocket. Nostalgia had made him pull the jacket from his closet and nostalgia had him standing here now. That was all... 

He stared up at the glowing sign of the tattoo parlor, thought long and hard. He pulled at the skin over his belly button, almost a method to quell his anxiety at this point. Why were those words that Semi had said the only thing stuck in his head now? Belly button piercing? Why not, then? Maybe he’d feel something. He’d lived long enough to finally do something personal to upgrade his body, he argued. That was all it was, really. He tugged harder, bit his nails into the slim flap of skin. He barely felt it, his mind too much of a storm in his head to register pain, not that his body really did anyways. He thought too many times about just turning around, but in the end, he stepped forward on wooden legs. The bell over the door rang, interrupting the calm he stepped into, and he almost laughed, because of course who but Semi would be there to greet him at the front desk. 

The ash blond tilted his head up, but his eyes stayed down on whatever he was doing, his tone a little bored. “We’re closing soon.”

Hinata just nodded mindlessly, stood fast on the second tile inside the shop. He watched Semi with eyes that could see into the past; all he saw was Semi in that bar, smiling at him, flirting. Semi over him, sweating a little, eyes heated with desire. His lips worked over emotions he couldn’t name any longer. Tapped his finger quietly against the card in his pocket. It wasn’t until Semi realized that the intruder to his shop wasn’t leaving that he finally looked up, so annoyed that the expression thrilled Hinata. His eyes widened and he gasped softly. Recognition flew across Semi’s features almost instantly, and he froze, blinked. Hinata didn’t miss the small tremble, the slightest uptick of pale lips. An overwhelming desire to jump across the counter and kiss those lips hit him, but he stayed rooted. 

Hinata had no glamours on today. He was just his own self, and it felt a little vulnerable as Semi stared at him with wide eyes. How long had it been for the other? Hinata had lost track of time along the way. Uselessly, he croaked, “It’s been a while.”

Semi nodded slowly, mesmerized. He was really looking Hinata over, and Hinata wanted to squirm away from those eyes, but even now he was still rooted. So instead he smiled softly at Semi, let the warmth of his feelings rose his skin. The world seemed a little brighter again, and Hinata thought he could laugh at that realization. Had it been so easy all along? Why had he been so stubborn, really? Pride? Rules? Standing here now, he thought it had been so stupid of him. 

Semi watched Hinata’s face, watched his eyes light up and his lips lift in the smallest smile, watched as Hinata seemed to come alive before his very eyes. And finally he stepped around the desk, tall as ever, smelling really good, and he made his way across the small space on long strides, to stand before Hinata. There was only a breath between that action and the next, and Hinata forgot to take it as he looked up at Semi. The blond took his arm in his hand, as if to ensure this was real. “Hinata,” he finally breathed out with a ragged laugh. He shut his eyes and smiled, a painful thing almost, but it felt disconnected from Hinata, like it wasn’t really for him. Semi opened his eyes and looked around again, and then he turned to Hinata and genuinely smiled. 

“Belly button piercing?” he asked liked he could so easily read Hinata’s mind. Blue eyes stared up at him, Hinata only blinking. 

“Well, why not,” was all he finally said. 

Semi let out this sound halfway between a purr and a yelp, excited, his hand sliding down to hold Hinata’s, fingers intertwining. He took a beat to savor the feel, eyes sliding down to their hands, and then he was pulling the other along to the back of the shop. He thrust a door open and set Hinata down on a leather covered table, and smiled. Hinata wondered if it was his eyes or if Semi was actually glowing, vibrating. “I’ll be right back,” Semi said in a voice that seemed a little worried Hinata might disappear on him again.

He almost turned, too, but then seemed to think better of it, anxieties catching up to him, and he spun back around. He grabbed Hinata’s jaw and pulled them together into a kiss. Hinata shuttered his eyes, unprepared. He thought for a second about pulling away, but then he smelled Semi, and he remembered how good he was, and how happy he’d been to see the other smile again. With a worn sigh, he parted his lips and tilted his head, Semi giving a little noise of happiness as they sank deeper together. Semi’s hand dropped down his neck and back, grabbing around Hinata’s waist, and the redhead straightened his spine and arched up into Semi, letting a hand explore over his ass. He shivered finally, parting their lips with hazy eyes.

“You look a little different,” Semi said quietly, close to Hinata, and Hinata closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the blond’s. “Tired?”

“I’ve been traveling a lot,” he whispered wearily. _Running_. He looked up and met beautiful chocolate eyes, smiled a teasing thing, though it was a ghost of what it had formerly been. He’d lost his magic a little, he thought. “I’m not wearing my make-up today,” he teased.

Semi pulled back, rubbed a thumb over Hinata’s cheek, seemed to chew on a compliment for a while. Finally he smiled softly and said, “You still look as beautiful as ever, my dear.”

“I’ll be right back,” whispered Semi again, pulling away. This time he added a vocal, “Don’t go anywhere, cutie.”

Hinata actually smiled; it’d been a long while since someone’d called him that, or anything at all really. He didn’t even bother with giving his name anymore, or asking for theirs. Semi calling his name was having some kind of serious effect on him; he was breaking all of his rules. If Semi proposed sex, or to take him home, Hinata was most likely to agree at this point. He wasn’t sure if that was good or not. He laid back and shut his eyes. 

All he knew was that he was so tired of running away from something that had chased him relentlessly and hounded him even now.

He heard the soft creak of a door reopening, heard soft footsteps. Semi’s smell filled the room again, and he could feel the other watching him. A metal tray clunked and small noises filled the room. Hinata turned towards them, but he didn’t open his eyes. He felt incredibly tired, his eyes burning behind his lids though he’d always slept in. 

“Trust me?” whispered Semi with a little laugh. 

“Yeah,” Hinata said slowly, truthfully. That was it. He was finally able to let his body slow down and catch up to him. Semi melted his walls down. And that was dangerous... trust wasn’t easily given, not when you’d lived a hundred years and seen a lot of promises broken. Hinata squeezed his fingers, fretted with his hands.

A shadow leaned over him and a soft hand caressed at his cheek, his jawline, another coming to rest on his joined hands to still his nervous jitters. Hinata kept his eyes shut, savored the contact. He could almost imagine... another scent mixing in with Semi’s, a low voice calling his name now too. 

Soft lips pressed against his own and Hinata surrendered to the kiss, let his hand come up and grip into soft, long hair. With a start, he realized he wanted to kiss Ushijima again too. If he was breaking his own rules... 

Semi pulled away and Hinata opened his eyes, licking at his lips as he let the man move away from him a little. The two watched each other for a long moment. There was something in Semi’s eyes that Hinata realized with a startle. A sadness, a pain. Hinata chewed at his bottom lip as he watched Semi watch him.

“I don’t usually say this, but I missed you,” Semi murmured. His eyes shone in the dim room. 

Hinata felt inexplicably nostalgic. He worried at his lip some more and finally whispered, “I don’t usually say that either.”

Brown eyes stared at him, melting, understanding. Semi pecked Hinata’s nose and smiled. There was the shared understanding again between them as the blond squeezed Hinata’s hands. He lingered for only the smallest moment before he shook off his vulnerability and stood up tall again. He turned to flip on a light, the moment over and Hinata was painfully glad for the lack of theatrics and lies. Above Hinata, a bulb switched on, and he squinted. Semi apologized and pulled the lamp away from his face and to his belly. The room around him became a little brighter, and he let his arms slide to his sides even though he felt like he was exposing a weak spot. He clenched his hands to stop the shake in them, praying Semi wouldn’t notice, but if he did, he said nothing.

“Now let’s see your cute belly again,” Semi said louder than Hinata’s fear, warm hands sliding under Hinata’s shirt. He shivered, let out a little moan as Semi touched him like he wanted to hear Hinata react. There was a small laugh, and then Hinata’s stomach was bathing in yellow lamp light. He shivered, closed his eyes to focus on the hands on his midsection and not the fear of being so exposed, no glamour on, no shield. “Right here?” Semi asked as he lightly pinched at the top part of Hinata’s belly button, the small flap of skin. Hinata hummed an agreement, begging his vocal chords not to shake so. 

“It might sting a little,” Semi said methodically as he cleaned Hinata’s belly, a small pinpoint from a marker. Hinata didn't move. Pain didn’t mean much anymore. Heart ache was far more devastating, Hinata had come to realize. Semi’s hands were warm and reassuring, and Hinata could trust that he knew how to do his job well. It felt so strange to trust again like that, but today was a day for a lot of new firsts.

He was so lost in his thoughts that, when Semi pierced the needle through his skin, it took him a minute to gasp softly in shock. The pain hadn’t really been pain, but it was sharp, and it ached after. But it was done with, over so fast that Hinata almost wanted to cry. He hadn’t wanted it to be over so soon, his time with Semi, and it really hadn’t even occurred to him until now. Like whiplash, emotions stung him sharply. Semi sat him up and led him to a mirror, held up his shirt with one hand to show Hinata off. Hinata stared at his slim waist and pale skin, did everything he could just to keep his face composed and hold in his tears. He leaned back against Semi behind him ever so slightly and tried to leech off the warmth the other gave off. He stared at his body, trying to comprehend. It was all the same creamy skin, but now, in the middle, over a small chasm of black shadow, dangled a small jeweled piercing. 

“Do you like it?” whispered Semi into his ear, his free hand coming down over the underside of Hinata’s belly, fingers caressing softly over smooth skin. He was so incredibly warm, and Hinata wanted so badly to believe that Semi wanted to be close still, too. “I picked the jewelry out too, I hope you don’t mind.”

“I said I trusted you, didn’t I?” said Hinata slowly, begging his voice to not tremble as he reached up and curled his small hand around Semi’s warm bicep. He was distracted as he slowly twisted his waist this way and that, letting the light catch the small crystals on the ends of the metal bar. He was going through motions, his body trying to act so he didn’t become stagnant and frozen in that hold. He focused his eyes from Semi’s reflection back down to his belly button. He smiled when the light caught the bright, light blue of the crystal. Hinata... liked it a lot. 

“You have good taste,” he hummed quietly to Semi even as the man pressed his lips to Hinata’s neck. Brown eyes stared up at him in the mirror, and Hinata felt the smile against his neck as he realized what else his words could mean. Semi sucked at his skin, Hinata’s eyes slipping down and closing with the rush of pleasantly warm emotions. He slowly pulled off and grinned, resting his chin on Hinata’s shoulder, rubbing against him like a cat. His hand tightened carefully around Hinata’s hips, and Hinata prayed it was because Semi didn’t want to let him go either. 

“I do,” murmured Semi, “especially in bed partners.” He nuzzled his nose against Hinata’s neck. He opened his mouth to say something else when there was a soft knock on the door to their right, the half-opened thing creaking open all the way to reveal a tall mass. Semi straightened up instantly, but he kept his hold on Hinata’s waist, tightening. It felt possessive, but Hinata knew suddenly better than that when he saw who it was at the door.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize you had a client. I just forgot my charger.” The voice was tight, but so low and familiar, a voice from his dreams. It froze Hinata.

Blue eyes flicked over the figure in the doorway, wide eyes trying to take in details that the light hid cruelly from him. Semi seemed to go a little stiff behind him like he recognized Hinata’s racing emotions. Hinata watched from the corner of his eye, in the mirror, as Semi glanced back over his own shoulder for a split second, his eyes darting back to the doorway all too soon. 

Silence reigned around them, and it bothered Hinata more than he could admit aloud that he couldn’t see Ushijima well at all. Hands shifted restlessly on a door knob, and his own fluttered anxiously by his side. 

“Your charger isn’t in here,” Semi said, his voice suddenly dark and angry. Hinata blinked in shock, watched the dark shadow shift on his feet. Now there was possessiveness in his tone, in his grip, but it felt ugly and misplaced. Hinata wanted to pull back the warm Semi, he wanted to run into Ushijima’s arms, but he stood frozen, torn absolutely between the two. Like two magnetic fields pulling and pushing at him, he remained perfectly where he was, neither here nor there, and it was torturous. 

“I left it in here earlier when you were piercing...” Words trailed off, no longer important. Hinata felt a gaze pull away from him with difficulty, watched Ushijima’s tall figure stalk into the room, his body slowly becoming illuminated in the lamp light. Hinata’s heart reacted with a violent start. Ushijima bent down and pulled a charger from the wall, and finally Hinata saw his face. His heart clenched so tight in his chest that he felt he couldn’t expand it anymore to breathe. He’d forgotten; how could he forget? Ushijima turned to him with these sad olive eyes, and Hinata couldn’t believe he’d forgotten how handsome he was, and how much that made his heart beat.

“Ushi-“ Hinata began before he could stop himself. Ushijima slowly rose to his full height, and it was suffocating. Hinata had forgotten this feeling too. He pulled away from Semi’s hand even as they tightened around him. Semi moved quickly past him to crowd in front of Ushijima, a tension in his bones that vibrated all across the room like discordant notes on an untuned piano. Hinata set his teeth, watched with wide eyes as Semi pushed a hand out towards him to halt him. Ushijima’s eyes shifted from Hinata to Semi and it was painful when Hinata realized something he’d painfully missed thus far. His eyes clouded over with frustration, with fear.

“You got your charger, so-“ 

But Ushijima’s eyes had shifted back to Hinata and neither of them were paying any attention to Semi any longer. 

The tall man shifted awkwardly on his feet, an expression crossing his face that Hinata knew all too well. 

“Do I... know you?” asked Ushijima carefully, and Hinata felt a stab to his heart even as he recognized that Ushijima was partially lying. He leaned down and pressed his hands into the table Hinata had just been laying on. His face came under the full light of the lamp and Hinata shivered. God, he was gorgeous. Hinata leaned forward too, almost forgetting...

His blue eyes caught the light and Ushijima’s features marred into a pained but quiet realization, his face going stiff. His whole body was radiating denial, and Hinata pulled back like he’d been burned. The confusion and disappointment on Ushijima’s face cut deep into him like a knife, and he sensed Semi shift, watched in slow motion as the man twisted on his feet like he was ready to catch Hinata should he fall. Hinata pulled down his shirt stiffly and moved away, stepping backwards towards the door. “Never mind,” he was mumbling, but he never got that far. He’d seen Semi move, but Ushijima had gone out of focus, until a big, warm hand grabbed around his wrist and, for all intents and purposes, Hinata froze. Now he was face to face with all of his sadness and grief from the last months. 

Ushijima had captured him once again. 

“No way,” he heard Ushijima murmur. Hinata had already begun to put two and two together, to remember. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the way Semi watched them, his face so open with a pain Hinata had felt, but this pain was old, older than Hinata could have dreamed to bear like he knew now Semi had. It was all so clear, and he wished it didn’t tear him apart now. Outside of the small scope of his vision, that night he’d met Ushijima, he’d been at the bar with a friend. A friend with light hair like a halo, with eyes like a hawk. How long had Semi known... But his face easily betrayed that he’d known all along who Hinata was. Blue eyes blinked slowly in shock, travelled back to Ushijima’s face. Pain lit down his spine as he realized with the slowest sinking realization that in the end he would have neither of them after all, because Ushijima was looking for a version of him that wasn’t real, and Semi had never even been looking at him at all.

He wasn’t at all prepared for the hand that came up to cup his cheek. He wasn’t prepared for the need to lean into it, to close his eyes and surrender. He wasn’t prepared for the raw emotions that cloyed him apart inside. His eyes burned, but he kept them open. Ushijima stepped forward, leaned closer. He was inspecting Hinata carefully, and Hinata’s heart begged him to run so far away. He didn’t want to be here any longer.

Behind them, Semi sighed heavily. He’d read Hinata like an open book just as he always did, and his act dropped so fast that it was achingly startling. Hinata had hoped maybe for a second that his brain was playing tricks on him, but it seemed to not be so, his smallest hope dashed so quickly. 

“Ushijima, this is Hinata. Hinata, Ushijima. But you two already know each other, don’t you?”

Hinata’s eyes went wide with the truth revealed now, unable to keep his emotions in check any longer. Tears came and blurred his vision so quickly that it was dizzying, but he kept his eyes focused on Ushijima’s face, begging to see a remnant of something kind there so he wouldn’t fall so completely apart that he’d never recover. The other seemed to be staring deep into his very soul, reading his past and present and every emotion he’d felt since the moment they’d met. Hinata was sure that pinky against his neck could feel his rapid pulse. He swallowed harshly, begging his tears to stop, his heart to quit breaking so. He hadn’t ever been so out of control, but Ushijima’s hand felt so incredibly safe that it wasn’t as disconcerting as it should have been for a vampire who trusted no one, who was always in control, one step ahead. Except now he was miles behind and finally seeing it and he realized the joke had been on him all along.

“But you were...” Ushijima was mumbling. He was stroking Hinata’s cheek like he was trying to determine if he was actually real. Hinata wanted to melt, to sink into the floor and disappear. Hope and pain were cruel companions and mistresses. His eyes shuttered closed for a moment, lashes fluttering. 

Hinata never even saw it coming. He was too distracted by everything else. His whole soul was being filleted apart, but then he felt familiar lips hit his own and his whole body, like a shock wave, seemed to re-mend and came alive again. The shift was so sudden that he couldn’t breathe. 

Because he knew these lips. He knew this smell. His hand shot up and clenched into short hair, pulled Ushijima desperately closer. He’d lost his marbles, but this was too good to be sane about. He prayed simply that it could just be real. That something in this whole thing could be true in the end.

Ushijima pulled back, too quickly though it had been almost a full minute, and Hinata was breathless, heart racing, confused, teetering on the edge of a cliff over insanity. He barely heard Ushijima whisper, “So it was you...”

And then Ushijima’s warmth was pulling away and Semi was standing between them, his whole countenance terrifying to behold. Hinata watched with wide eyes as the two stared at each other, petrified beyond belief. 

Something was happening, but he was too overwhelmed to process anything new. Ushijima’s face went so incredibly soft, worry lines fading away as his face relaxed, and Hinata watched with disbelieving eyes as he lifted a hand and traced too softly against Semi’s neck, mapping something invisible. Semi looked wildly uncomfortable, but Hinata didn’t miss the spike in his scent, the rush of blood as his heart sped up. He stared wide, Ushijima clueless, not even realizing how he was touching Semi could be so easily misconstrued as anything but friendly contact. It was all so clear to Hinata now, and he wondered how he’d missed it all this time? Semi had never been one to hide his feelings very well. Possessiveness had been leaking from him since Ushijima’d locked eyes with Hinata. 

“Those bruises...” Ushijima said softly. Semi’s eyes hardened, his face going stiff, and he swatted Ushijima’s hand away. 

“It’s none of your business, Ushijima.”

Ushijima pulled back like he’d been shocked. He turned his eyes slowly back to Hinata, stared at him, stared him over. “It’s... not...?” he hushed under his breath. Hinata could smell his scent spike too, two men excreting pheromones and harsh possession. 

But Ushijima backed away, and Hinata’s heart crashed to the floor, shattered again. _Don’t!_ , he wanted to shout, but nothing came out past his stomach lodged in his throat. He felt sick.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize,” Ushijima said clearly now, turning away from Hinata. Hinata glanced at Semi with wide eyes, scared, knowing Ushijima had misunderstood.

“I’m not-“ _with him._

_Semi, tell him we’re not-!_

Olive eyes snapped back to him, disbelieving, betrayed, and it physically stabbed Hinata. He barely stood his ground, knees shaking so violently it was a wonder he wasn’t on the floor yet. 

“I can clearly see you’re a guy, Hinata. You don’t have to lie to me. And I know-” Olive eyes darted to Semi, but he never finished his sentence, only pressing his lips together in silence.

And then Ushijima walked away, hurt and betrayal so clear on his face. Hinata felt absolutely frozen, ice in his veins. He heard footsteps retreat, and finally his heart took over, wrenching nearly out of his chest, and he did the only thing he could at this point. He whipped around and sprinted out the door, grabbing at Ushijima just before he reached the exit to the shop. He pulled him back, tried to spin him around, but Ushijima felt like an immovable brick wall. He turned himself just enough so Hinata could see his left eye, downcast, face a storm of emotions Hinata couldn’t pick out, didn’t want to because they broke him apart. 

“Listen, Ushijima, if it’s the girl you want,” he tugged at Ushijima’s arm, stepped closer. His scent was so strong, he wanted Ushijima to hold him. He was so desperate at this point that it leaked off him, and he begged for someone to understand that he was so fragile. “I can be her for you. I can be anything-“

What was he even saying? He’d gone from breaking a few rules, thinking it was okay to do so, to destroying everything he’d ever stood for. He’d promised himself, swore; no more romances, not with humans. He’d gone down that path before and it had never, ever ended well, for him or the human. But Ushijima had a grip on his heart and he felt the man tearing it out with each step he’d taken away from Hinata. Semi had already shredded him, and he realized far, far too late that it had never mattered about his rules or set-ups. He’d been doomed from the moment he’d met Ushijima, the moment Semi had laid eyes on him unbeknownst. Hinata didn’t even realize he could still cry anymore until a tear slid down his face. Ushijima noticed and turned his face, eyes roaming in confusion over Hinata’s.

“I’ll do anything, Ushijima.” He raised a shaky hand and snapped his fingers weakly, hand trembling so badly he nearly missed it, but his glamour shimmered around him, shifting into place over him. Ushijima pulled back as the Hinata he’d first met appeared before him. Hinata didn’t relent though, didn’t let go. He pulled himself against Ushijima, hushed out his name with wide eyes. He was so desperate now, so needy for approval, for love, for someone to tell him that his whole life hadn’t been an absolute waste of everyone’s time. What was the point of breathing if it hurt this much in the end? It always hurt so, so badly. 

But Ushijima pulled away, shook Hinata until his glamour slipped and he was just Hinata again, sobbing, a mess. “This is who you are, though, and I know that, so I can’t just...” He turned and shook his head, voice too soft for Hinata to discern or understand that he was at his breaking point too. “Let’s not hurt each other anymore with lies.”

 _When did you ever lie to me?_ Hinata wanted to ask, but then he realized it was a kindness, his words, and he sank back, legs shaking. He watched Ushijima leave, only apologies left behind that did nothing for him. 

Semi was the one who caught him before he crumbled. He pulled Hinata carefully to his chest, mindful of his aching belly button and broken heart. He kissed his temple tenderly and hugged him tight. It felt cruel, more lies to soothe something that could never be repaired.

Hinata pulled away harshly, like electricity had shocked him. He was too emotional right now to be rational and calm with Semi. He’d tear the boy apart if he got his hands on him again, for hurting him, for being so impossibly cruel, but Semi either didn’t seem to sense or care about the danger, didn’t notice the raw anger in icy blue eyes. He pulled Hinata roughly to him and captured his lips. 

“Don’t-“

“I don’t care what you are, Hinata, you’re beautiful, always,” he breathed between breathless kisses. Hinata couldn’t keep up, his mind still racing around Ushijima’s words, trying to think what he could have done better. Semi’s words were like a slap to his face, lies again. He pushed the other away sharply and smacked him hard across his cheekbone. Brown eyes snapped wide and his face flung to the side, his cheek instantly going bright red in the shape of Hinata’s hand. Hinata let out the loudest, most broken sob and he broke down to the floor. No one was there to pick him up this time as Semi stared at him with wide, shocked eyes, a hand coming up to gently cup his throbbing cheek.

“What... did I do wrong...?” he choked out in shock.

“Semi-“ Hinata whimpered, feeling sick. His eyes darted frantically around and he lunged at the last minute for a trash can, heaving empty stomach contents out into the bin, his whole body racking with the nausea. He shivered down to his knees and sobbed into the basket. His stomach roiled with incredibly unpleasant feelings and panic-inducing distress. He could feel Semi behind him, but the other didn’t come any closer, and closer yet, an anxiety attack looming just over his shoulder.

Hinata set the trash can down with shaky hands, too weak to support himself, so he rested his cheek against it, eyes shut to reality because it was unbearable. Slowly, Semi walked forward and sat down next to him. He reached out carefully and combed Hinata’s hair slowly from his brow. Hinata clenched his eyes; he didn’t want to process Semi looking at him right now, touching him. His stomach roiled and he choked on a dry heave.

“He’s not gay, Hinata. Trust me, I’ve tried.” The laugh he gave had zero humor in it. It felt like another slap to the face, Semi too blinded by his own pain to see that Hinata already understood it all. 

He wiped his mouth, stood. “Bathroom?” He couldn’t tell Semi that he was so cruel for not seeing why Hinata was so hurt.

Semi pointed it out to him, face blank with confusion. Hinata turned away and went inside and shut the door behind him, sinking against it and to the floor. He sat there for a long time, as he waited for his stomach to settle, for his heart to stop breaking apart again and again. When he stood, sure that his legs could hold him again, he was thankful to find mouthwash, probably for mouth piercings. He rinsed his mouth and face, trying to wash away tears and fears and destroyed hopes. When he felt as collected as he would, he stepped back into the small front reception area. Semi hadn’t moved at all. He watched Hinata carefully, watched him walk closer, watched him stop before him. He slowly reached up a hand, waited for Hinata to take it or leave it. Hinata left it, patting only softly at the palm, a farewell, placing a few rolled up bills there as payment.

“Bye, Semi. Thank you for the piercing.”

He turned and walked out the door, hugging his jacket to his slim frame. At the doorway, he pressed his hand to the cool metal and turned slightly, pausing for a moment. 

“I hope in the end you’ll have better luck than I ever did.”

And then he was gone, vanishing like the wind he so desperately wanted to be right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I said at the beginning that this was 65k words... yeah... I’ve been going through to edit and it may be closer to 68k now 
> 
> Whoops.
> 
> And so here we get into the part where I could have given everyone a happy ending but instead decided to torture my babes a little more, cause like, it just didn’t feel right to not make them work for it, right? /snickers
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying this story so far <3 It’s been really run to write and I’ve fallen in love with these boys all over again ^.^


	5. Walk Some in my Shoes

It was almost tempting, Hinata thought, to just lie in bed all day and slowly wither away. It was easy, and pitiful, and what he wanted to do. He didn’t want to think about what had happened; he wanted to let his mind forget, even if he had to lay around for a few decades to do so.

But as tempting as it was, Hinata couldn’t. He wouldn’t loose everything just like that. He refused. He didn’t care how it killed him or how hard it would be, he didn’t want to just waste his life away waiting for his memories to dull. Not this time; he’d done it too many times over hundreds of years and he refused to be such a damn coward again. 

The tattoo parlor was a lot busier during the afternoon than it had been near closing time. Hinata bided his time sitting across the street in a small cafe. He’d already called to ask if Semi was working, and Hinata was a little relieved that today was his day off. He wasn’t ready to face the man yet. It still hurt to think about sometimes, even though he knew it was his own fault for getting so attached in the first place. 

As the sun dipped below the horizon and the sky began to go dark, Hinata tossed his coffee cup in the trash and stepped into the cool air. He pulled his jean jacket and sweater tightly around his frame and stepped across the street, eyes watching the tattoo shop carefully. He could see lights going off as the staff cleaned, only a few customers left now, and Hinata found a small bench outside to sit on. He should have ordered another coffee, he thought as he stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets. He huddled forward and waited.

It wouldn’t have hurt so much with Semi if he’d noticed him sooner. Thinking back, he remembered the blond now from every time he’d stalked Ushijima at the bar, and now that he knew, it seemed obvious. Ushijima seemed especially oblivious, but it wasn’t like Semi was particularly skilled in hiding his feelings for the tall brunet. In other words, Hinata had kind of brought this upon himself. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, and that he still found it impossible to forgive Semi for what he’d done, playing with Hinata for revenge, or jealousy, or whatever. Lying to him like Hinata had been anything more than a means to a happy end for Semi, toying with him to get rid of him.

The truth was that Semi could have just been honest, and Hinata wouldn’t have gotten so attached to begin with. They could have still had fun together, but it was the fact that Semi had never laid out the rules before dragging Hinata down with him that left him feeling so frustrated and hurt. Hinata chewed at his bottom lip, trying to keep the hurt and anger down, but it was hard when it was still so raw and fresh in his mind.

 _This is why_ , he reminded himself for the hundredth time. This was why he’d made rules and had always followed them so diligently. Because if he was honest, he didn’t want to be here right now. He didn’t want to be here trying to fix something that hurt so badly. But he couldn’t leave it alone, not now, because he’d broken his own rules for them, and he’d be damned if all he was walking away from it with was a broken heart for his troubles. There were probably, definitely other reasons, but Hinata decided to stick with that one for the sake of his sanity. He’d delve into the others if the time was ever right to. 

The door to the tattoo shop opened behind him, the bell jangling softly, and he sat back, lost in thoughts, wondering how long he’d have to wait. A lady he didn’t recognize walked past him and gave him a curious glance. He turned his eyes skyward to ignore an awkward smile thrown his way. He laid his head back and closed his eyes, blissfully unaware of the tall figure that had stopped just behind him, frozen with indecision and disbelief. 

Hinata didn’t move again until a shadow cast over him, blocking the last rays of sunlight, and he turned his face and cracked his lids open. He slowly sat upright again, his heart a little unprepared but slow to react. 

“What are you doing here, Hinata?”

Hinata wasn’t even surprised anymore that he was glad to hear no animosity in the words or Ushijima’s voice. He turned his eyes towards the girl who’d just walked past him, now a good distance away, the only other person outside, and then looked back up at Ushijima. He tried out a smile, an unsure, small little thing. “I came to apologize to you,” he said softly. 

Ushijima took his words seemingly in stride, blinking slowly as he watched Hinata. “It’s not necess-“ he began, but he stopped when Hinata gave him a sad smile. Hinata rose to his feet and stepped closer to the other man. He had to crane his neck more than he remembered, no extra height from heels now to help him out. It made his heart clench. 

“I’d like to start over if we could, and try for friends. And if you’re up for it, I’d like to apologize properly and explain everything to you over a cup of coffee.”

The silence between them was uncomfortable and too long for Hinata’s tastes. _You don’t have to_ , he should say, but he couldn’t bring himself to, because he hadn’t come this far just to walk away even more of a fool than before. So he just watched Ushijima, his feelings locked down tight, his face blank and eyes dry. He licked nervously at the back of his teeth with his mouth closed and tried to keep his heart calm. 

Ushijima finally looked off into the distance and sighed. “I’m not really sure; it’s still kind of a mess in my head,” he finally whispered honestly. 

“That’s-“ fine, he was gonna say, but the way his gut twisted didn’t feel fine, so he swallowed his words. “You can take your time...” Even those words hurt to say. Hinata wasn’t patient, not when it came to things that hurt. 

Ushijima turned beautiful olive eyes back to him and nodded slowly. “I appreciate it.” Hinata inhaled slowly, caught off guard by how pretty Ushijima looked under the low light of dusk. His heart ached and he wished he hadn’t been so very stupid to develop a crush on a human, on a straight guy. It was painfully ironic, like the mangas he’d always laughed at. 

Hinata dug in his pocket when he couldn’t stand it any longer, pulled out an old card for a club that was cities away. But he had no pen on him, so he stuffed it uselessly back into his pocket. He looked down at the ground and scuffed at it with his boot. 

“I’ll be waiting in that coffee shop across the street then,” he finally said, resolve coloring his voice as he looked up at Ushijima. Hope clawed at his heart, desperation. “I’ll wait everyday, and when you think that you’re ready-“

Ushijima glanced down the road and nodded slowly, the first thing that lifted Hinata’s heart since the encounter had started. “I’ll come say hi,” the tall man finished for him. 

“When you’re ready-“ Hinata stressed, and Ushijima turned and smiled at him, hands in his pockets. 

“When I’m ready,” he repeated, and then he turned with a small wave, his hand still in his jacket, and turned away. Hinata watched him walk away without even a glance back. He swallowed harshly and thought it was a miracle that humans even bothered with friends or lovers at all. This was all so tedious and nerve-wracking and heart-tearing. 

He walked silently back to his hotel room. He didn’t feel like going out at all. 

x

Ushijima leaned against the door frame and watched Semi quietly work, cleaning up his work area after the last client. He was looking a little better these days, but sometimes Ushijima swore his smile looked a little stiff. He chalked it up mostly to his imagination and his own turmoil of feelings, though, and let it go. It’s not like he could blame Semi if he was feeling a little off these days. 

“Semi,” Ushijima finally called softly when the other had put the last of his tools away. The blond turned on his heel and blinked at his guest. 

“I didn’t hear you, Ushi,” he said. He turned back to wiping down the leather table people sat on, a silent invite for Ushijima to do as he always did and just come in. Ushijima moved into the room and leaned against a cabinet set against the wall behind Semi. He crossed his arms and legs and leaned back, observing quietly, calmly. 

“Hinata came to see me yesterday,” he said finally, and he was sure he’d never caught Semi’s attention so fast. The other whirled around and dropped the paper towel he’d been using on the floor, his eyes going wide. 

“...And?” he asked carefully. 

Ushijima tried to read his expression. Something had happened after he’d left, he was sure. Ushijima wondered if Hinata was still getting together with Semi, but from his reaction now, it definitely seemed like he hadn’t mentioned anything to the blond if they were. He felt a little disappointed, since he’d been hoping for an inside scoop into what Hinata was thinking. 

“He wants to meet with me and talk,” he said quietly, his eyes not wavering on Semi’s face. 

The other took a step back blindly, his ass bumping into the table behind him, and he grasped behind him to hold on, something to steady him maybe. Ushijima frowned. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked slowly.

But Semi just asked, face a little pale, “Are you going to do it?”

“Do what?” asked Ushijima, not really following the change of topic. 

Semi swallowed audibly, tried to shrug his shoulders like he didn’t care, but it looked more like he was trying to shake off something. “Meet with him,” he said with a strangely clipped and dry tone. 

Ushijima worked his jaw around as he thought, watching Semi. The other was acting really... dodgy. 

“Do you not want me to?” he asked finally, trying to figure out why Semi was so unsettled. 

Semi’s eyes went wide and his spine went straight as he stood up a little taller. His hands clapped together in front of him and he watched Ushijima like a deer in the headlights. Ushijima watched as his face slowly, slowly tried to shift back to something normal. He cleared his throat, feet fidgeting. “I don’t know,” Semi finally said, and it sounded shockingly like the truth, and Ushijima realized that maybe Semi hadn’t been totally honest about a lot of things for a long while. This made a knot settle in his stomach, and his shoulders sank down in sadness. He watched Semi with slightly downcast eyes. 

“I don’t know either,” he replied finally, honestly. “If I wanna hear him out or not.”

Semi stood up from leaning against the table and said, “You don’t owe him anything.”

Ushijima’s eyes moved back up to fully inspect his friend’s face. “I know that,” he said like it was the most idiotic thing he’d ever heard. “I wouldn’t do it for a stupid reason like that.”

Semi swallowed like it was a personal attack. Ushijima didn’t think it was, but maybe there were things he didn’t know about Semi after all, even after all these years. 

“Aren’t you upset with him?” Semi asked defensively, and it seemed a strange reaction to Ushijima, so he raised an eyebrow, tilted his head. This time he decided to change the subject. 

“Semi, are you okay?”

“Answer the question, Ushi!” the other practically yelled, and Ushijima was so taken aback that his mouth fell open. “Please,” added the blond, raising his hands like he was trying to settle a frightened animal, his eyes wide and worried. 

“Yes, a little, but that’s why he wants to see me-“

Semi threw his head to the side and glared at the floor. “Are you going to just forgive him? And what, be friends?” 

Ushijima stood up now and moved towards his friend; he didn’t like this Semi. This Semi was violent and angry for no reason at all. This Semi was irrational. So he grabbed at Semi’s arms and shook him. “What’s wrong with you?” he barked out. 

Semi stared up at him with wide eyes, suddenly looking very small and scared. He reached out for Ushijima, but his hand fell away just short of grabbing onto the man’s shirt. 

“I just... don’t want you to get hurt,” Semi choked out quietly. It sounded like a half-truth, but maybe it was just the way his voice shook. 

“I can take care of myself,” Ushijima said slowly, voice firm. 

Semi nodded his head, pulling away from Ushijima’s grasp. “I know that,” he said quietly. He didn’t lift his eyes up again. 

“I haven’t decided yet what I want to do about it,” Ushijima said finally, quietly. 

Semi’s eyes were slow to turn up, and when he finally did, he had the barest smile on his lips. “Okay,” was all he said, mousey. It was so unlike Semi that it broke Ushijima’s heart a little. But all he could do was awkwardly reach out and pat Semi’s shoulder. 

“I’ll let you know,” was all he said before turning to walk out the door, back to his own station. 

When he walked home that night, he saw Hinata’s tiny face watching him from the cafe window. He kept his eyes down and walked past. Every day, he felt a little more guilty doing it.

x

Hinata thought that if he didn’t go out again soon, he might turn into a coffee bean himself from all the coffee he’d been consuming, waiting for Ushijima day in and day out. So on Saturday night he watched Ushijima leave, walk past him again with no eye contact, and then he gathered his things and went back to his hotel room to change. 

An hour later, he was pulling open the door of a small club. The lighting inside was low, and Hinata made his way to the bar, eyes scanning for familiar faces, but there was no one he recognized. He ordered a rum and coke and then found a spot in a corner booth, a good vantage point to watch from. He set his chin in his hand and let his eyes roam as he mindlessly sipped at his drink. 

An hour went by like that, and Hinata was starting to get bored, but no one’d caught his eye yet. He sighed wearily and stirred at his drink, looking down at the small layer of liquid and the ice cubes that were left. He ungraciously dug in to his glass and pulled one out, popped it into his mouth and closed his eyes. 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were stalking me.”

Hinata’s eyes blinked wide open and his head snapped to the side, his line of sight following up a tall body until he saw the last face in the world he’d ever expected to see. He choked on his ice cube, swallowed it harshly. 

“Ushijima...” he croaked out, awkward. He opened his mouth to swear he didn’t know the other would be here, but he shut it again when he saw the small smile on Ushijima’s lips, a little awkward as it was. Hinata glanced back down at his drink, wondered what he should do now. 

“Do you wanna sit?” he asked, unsure, voice a little shaky. He really didn’t know why he was so nervous when he’d always been so confident, almost sickeningly so, but suddenly he was 18 again and brand new to the world and he didn’t know what to do with his hands. 

A large hand pressed against the edge of the table and Ushijima seemed to be considering. Hinata awkwardly waved his hand at the other side of the booth and added, “Only if you want to.”

Ushijima turned away, eyes on the bar behind him, and then he walked away just like that. Hinata stared after him, confused as all hell. He turned his head violently back to his empty glass and squeezed it angrily. For the first time in a hundred years, he felt humiliated, enough to cry. He bit hard at the inside of his cheek. 

He was about to get up and leave when a glass was set before him, and he looked up in shock just in time to see Ushijima slide into the bench opposite him with his own drink. Then he looked at Hinata’s face and blinked in surprise. “Sorry-“ he said like he was unsure what had made Hinata pull a face like that. 

Hinata almost wanted to laugh, but he felt too unsettled for that. “You idiot!” he cried out instead, glaring at Ushijima. “Use your words next time!”

Ushijima took a sip of his drink and only gave a nod in understanding. Hinata reached up and gripped at his hair, frustrated. But all he could think was, _No wonder I’m so wrapped up in this whole mess._

He lifted up his glass and took a large sip, and even though it did nothing for him, he was grateful for it nonetheless. “Thanks,” he told Ushijima honestly. 

Ushijima just shrugged and said, “I think I’m ready now if you still want to talk.”

Hinata cracked a humorless smile. “Why now and not two hours ago at the cafe?” he asked, a little bite to his words. He swallowed harshly, shook his head. “Sorry, never mind,” he said as he bit back his pride.

And then, “Thanks.”

Ushijima just gave him a nod, eyes looking a little confused like he himself wasn’t sure why this had been the right time, but not earlier that evening in a more conducive environment for heavy talks. 

Hinata looked down at his glass again, fidgeted with it. He’d had a whole speech planned in the cafe, but now he was in a different setting and his mind was pulling blanks. He pulled his hands back and clasped them together in his lap, shoulders bending forward. 

“I never meant to hurt you, or lie to you.” It was as good as any place to start.

Hinata’s eyes flicked around and up, and he pulled himself tall again when he saw Ushijima watching him, listening. The dark of the club made it seem like they were the only two here, and maybe this was better than the cafe after all. 

“You were never even supposed to remember that I was a thing after that night, but it went a little wrong.”

“Wrong?” Ushijima asked, his voice a little colder than Hinata liked, and he flinched. Ushijima had a good poker face, but Hinata had been a fool to assume he wasn’t still angry or hurt. He scolded himself inwardly, offered an apology outwardly. “I don’t want your apology, not yet. I want you to tell me what your plan was.”

Hinata swallowed, nodded. It was harsh but very fair. “I never meant to hurt you,” he reiterated again. “I just... needed something from you, and after I get it, I leave and everyone forgets, but I couldn’t-“

Ushijima’s eyebrows scrunched together and he frowned deeply. “You’re going to have to be a lot clearer, Hinata.”

This was it, then. In the back of his mind, he’d known it would come down to this. This was why vampires should never get attached, because attached meant emotions, and wanting to fix it when things eventually broke, and fixing things meant... revealing secrets. He licked at his sharp canines and prayed that he wasn’t making a huge mistake. He prayed that his heart was making good choices for him. Because telling Ushijima could be the worst decision ever, or it could be exactly what would fix this and give him some peace and happiness. 

He already knew what he was going to do, though. He’d known since the day he’d approached Ushijima outside the shop. He’d known that if it came down to this, he would absolutely tell Ushijima the truth. And so he turned to the other and said, “It’s hard to explain, but I’m not human, not like you.”

Ushijima watched him, his wheels probably working in his head, but nothing showed on his face. Hinata was almost glad for it, so he wouldn’t have to doubt his resolve now. 

“I mean, you had to have guessed something was a little strange, right? How I can look different and my eyes...” He stopped there, his confidence slipping, draining slowly away. He’d never felt so small before a human. It felt unnatural and wrong. He wanted to run away, but he stayed rooted. 

Because he cared way too damn much about this silly little human. He knew absolutely why things had gone so wrong, why he hadn’t just proceeded with Ushijima like normal, why he hadn’t just drank from him and then left him with no recollection. He knew why things had followed the same path with Semi too. It was all so startlingly clear. He blinked when it hit him. 

He’d grown attached, fond of the two little humans, a deadly thing for vampires. Because feelings like those created a bond which meant that they never forgot him, and bonds were what could bring a vampire to their knees. The only thing stronger than death and more deadly than a stake to the heart for a vampire was a bond that was created and then rejected, or broken; those were the things that really killed vampires. 

And so Hinata was really laying his whole life out on the chopping block here as he looked Ushijima in the eyes, to make sure he remembered, to make sure he was paying attention. 

“Ushijima, I’m a vampire.”

“Don’t be-“ began Ushijima, but his words fell away from him and Hinata watched as the pieces began to click for Ushijima. 

There had always been rumors in the human world, from back when vampires trusted humans and often made their presence known to those they loved and trusted, formed a bond with. But sometimes those bonds were broken, and humans rejected vampires, and slowly, slowly, rumors began spreading through the human world. This was hundreds of years ago now, but those rumors still floated around, kept alive by horror stories and novels. So humans had knowledge of vampires, whether they chose to believe it as fact or fiction. They knew the stories of creatures who could shift their shapes and appear to be anyone, of eyes that were so captivating to behold and teeth sharp and shiny. But there was no fear because the one pact that vampires had always held to, the one that was their most important rule, was to never drink so much from a human that the human would die. The rule was reinforced by a poison in their fangs, harmless to humans aside from memory loss, but fatal to vampires should they drink to the last drop, the drop that contained the poison. Because vampires had never been designed to kill. They had been birthed from a desire to protect humanity, to protect the fragility of their love and lives. 

Many vampires now chose to protect themselves by not growing attached, by making sure to be fleeting wherever they went, but once in a while, there was a story of a vampire who had bonded with a human wether they wanted to or not, and Hinata realized that this time, it just happened to be him. He’d only ever had two options after it happened; run away or face it, and really, of those two, only one was actually the right one. 

When Ushijima’s face settled again, having accepted Hinata’s words as truth, he asked carefully, “Why did you tell me?”

Hinata smiled sadly now. “Didn’t I tell you? I want to be friends. I want to be around you.” _I’ve bonded to you and I can no longer let you go._

Ushijima twisted his glass, eyes fixated on the spin of the amber liquid in his tumbler. “Friends?” he asked slowly.

Hinata leaned back, closed his eyes. “I know I was wrong, and I have a lot of things to apologize for, but I hope that we can be... friends, Ushijima.” He opened his crystal blue eyes again, caught Ushijima’s olive ones. “I’d really like us to be friends.”

And finally Ushijima’s lips tilted up into a smile and Hinata felt his heart jump up into his throat. 

When Ushijima said, “I’d like that too,” he thought he was dreaming. The tall man reached across the table and took Hinata’s hand, probably for a handshake, as he said, “Nice to meet you, Hinata, I’m Ushijima.” He laughed then, loud and clear, as he realized that this was very real and that Ushijima had accepted him. He wanted to cry, but instead he just kept laughing as he tightened his grip on the man’s big hand and nodded his head. 

His hand was warm and a little callused, and Hinata didn’t want to let go, didn’t ever want to let go. He prayed that he would be alright with just being friends, because it was probably all he was ever going to get from Ushijima, and so he had to be okay with just that. 

He had to be content. 

As much as he hated to admit it, he and Semi would now walk in the same shoes.


	6. Feelings, Pt. 1

“He hasn’t been there lately,” Semi said as he observed Ushijima with a bitter frown on his face. He was usually good at hiding his emotions, but he didn’t even try to pretend around Ushijima anymore. 

Olive eyes flicked up to Semi and he asked, simply, “Who?”

Semi rolled his eyes and stepped inside Ushijima’s tattoo space. He decided to change the subject by saying, “I’ve been thinking of getting a tattoo.”

“Don’t do it,” said Ushijima flatly. “And who?”

Semi creeped forward, sitting down on the leather bed Ushijima had in his work space, pouting. “You’re a terrible tattoo artist if you’re discouraging me from getting one.”

Ushijima didn’t respond for a while, finishing up his task, letting Semi stew in the silence. The man knew by now how to handle his friend when he got like this: ignore him for a bit. Semi hated it that he knew this. When he finally finished what he’d been working on and turned on his stool towards Semi, the other was practically putty on his bed. He lay at an awkward angle and was glaring hard at Ushijima. 

“I told you not to get the tattoo because you’re not serious about it. You’ll regret it.”

Semi rolled his head away, stared up at the ceiling and frowned. It wasn’t fair how Ushijima knew him so well like that. So he just sighed and finally answered, “Hinata.”

Ushijima leaned back slowly against the wall and nodded, eyes watching Semi carefully. 

“You talked to him, didn’t you.” He didn’t need a response; it wasn’t a question. “Rotten bastard,” he grumbled unhappily, jealousy growing like a heavy pit in his gut, but also with it a raw fear. He hated this; he gnawed at the inside of his cheek and kept his eyes up at the ceiling. He couldn’t look at Ushijima now. 

His entire world was known to Hinata, his biggest secret, and all he could do was pray that Hinata wasn’t cruel enough to let it be known to Ushijima. It wasn’t even that likely that he’d keep quiet; why should he? He had so many reasons to spill Semi’s beans: revenge, anger, to win Ushijima as his own by humiliating his only competition? Hinata wouldn’t... would he?

“So?” he asked finally, when his voice was level enough to not betray him. 

Ushijima was silent for a while, thinking of how to respond probably. “He asked for forgiveness,” he said finally. “I said we could be friends.

“We’re starting over.”

“Cool,” whispered Semi so softly that he wasn’t even sure he’d said it or just through it really loudly. It wasn’t cool; he just had nothing else to say. And with that came the second gnawing emotion like a steam roller: ugly jealousy reared its head. Hinata had his foot in the door, and now he was trying to pry it open, trying to worm his way to Ushijima’s heart. It left such a bitter taste in his mouth to know that, even if it was just in friendship, Semi now had to share his best friend with the only other person he’d ever come to like like that. He was just selfish; that’s absolutely all it was. He just couldn’t swallow that.

“Semi, I think if you talk to him, too-“

Semi sat up so fast that the blood rushed from his head and he was dizzy for a good few seconds. He faked past it, saying, “That’s all I wanted to know.” He dug his nails into his palm and begged his body to just get him back to his own room. 

He heard Ushijima call worriedly after him; he shut his door behind him, needing everyone to just... be quiet.

x

There was a photograph that Hinata took with him everywhere. It was an old photo now, carefully preserved inside a simple metal frame. It was small, about the size of a wallet card, and not very heavy despite the frame. It was the first thing he set up in whatever room he happened to be staying in and the first thing he packed before leaving. 

The photo was of him and a man with black hair, bangs hanging messy in his face, dark blue eyes serious, but on his lips was the smallest little smile. And beside him, Hinata was beaming, shining like the whole world couldn’t hurt him at all, pressing his cheek right against the other’s. You could see the love in Hinata’s blue eyes. On the back of the photo was written a date and two names. Hinata.

And Kageyama.

But Hinata didn’t remember Kageyama. He didn’t remember much from that long ago, but it wasn’t that. No, it was like a whole chunk of his time was just gone, missing from his mind. It could mean only one thing. 

He must have loved Kageyama very, very much. And Kageyama had certainly left him alone, a tragic accident or maybe something simple like a human illness, he couldn’t say for sure, but it happened. That’s what humans did; they died, some sooner than others. But Hinata was still here, which meant that he’d had chosen to forget Kageyama instead of dying from the heartbreak of losing him. Hinata could imagine only one thing had made him do this: Kageyama had probably told him that he had to live on. It was the only thing that could sway a vampire from letting go of their life at the death of their most believed; in fact, it was almost like a custom, a last promise, to be together even in death without a moment apart. The only thing that could overwrite that last promise of love was a request to live on, a new promise made. And if he’d loved Kageyama like he thought he had, that was a promise he never would have broken, because vampires never broke promises they could keep. Only in death could a promise be broken, and Hinata had chosen life. 

And forgetting. Hinata had forgotten it all, this photo the only thing to remind him there was something he’d lost.

“Kageyama, darling,” Hinata whispered to his bedside table, body curled around a large pillow, face stuffed into the crook of his arm. With just one eye he could see Kageyama in the low light of the hotel room, sitting pretty in his frame, smiling that barely there smile. When Hinata was especially lonely or distraught, he would talk to Kageyama and pray that it would bring him to the peace he needed. 

“I’ve really messed up this time.”

Hinata buried his face into his pillow and gnawed at his bottom lip. It ached, deep in his gut. Missing someone you don’t remember meeting is the worst gnawing pain. It would hit him so suddenly sometimes, and he would lay catatonic on his bed for days. And then suddenly he would be all right again, and he could go on. 

He wondered if Kageyama had been taller than him, had he been older, how had he smelled? Had his feet been cold or hands warm? Had he hugged Hinata; who had confessed first? But Hinata could never recall anything, except that hollowness of forgotten memories and the ache of missing a stranger. 

He closed his eyes and prayed for sleep to come. He didn’t want to deal with his emotions tonight.

x

It felt almost odd sitting at the bar now. Hinata had abandoned his glamour for just being himself, hair a little wind blown and just a plain t-shirt and ripped skinny jeans, his same old jacket hanging off the back of his chair. He sat patiently waiting, staring into the abyss of his drink. 

An arm slung around his neck suddenly and his head snapped around, but if he’d expected to see Ushijima, he was disappointed. Semi was inches from his face, beaming at him like everything was normal. Hinata must have made the most awkward noise; from behind him, a deep voice he recognized said, “Sorry, he begged to come along.”

Well, he guessed that was fair. He and Ushijima had been hanging out a lot lately, and Hinata hadn’t missed the looks cast through cafe shop windows as Semi headed home, or a sulking coworker when Hinata had stopped by Ushijima’s job. Hinata still wasn’t sure how to approach Semi, though, so he’d left it at that. He shouldn’t have expected Semi to just let it slide like that though. He turned his chin down and smiled secretly, a slightly painful thing, and then turned to Ushijima and beamed at him. He pushed a drink to this left. “I got your favorite.”

Semi slapped at the bar and asked for a drink for himself, but Hinata chose to ignore him. He wasn’t sure if he was sober enough for whatever this was going to be tonight with Semi there. 

“How was work?” Hinata said as he leaned over the bar a little and smiled at Ushijima. It wasn’t like any of his feelings had grown lesser; it was hard sometimes not reaching out to touch Ushijima, to not compliment him or kiss him. Spending time with him had only made Hinata realize that he actually really _liked_ Ushijima; he wasn’t sure if he should be worried about how he wasn’t really worried about that. But it wasn’t like he could have helped it anyways. 

Semi walked around Hinata and stood a little behind and between the two of them, slinging an arm over Ushijima’s shoulder and leaning on him, eyes that didn’t miss a thing watching Hinata. It was unnerving, but he watched as the two shared more with each other than with him a story of a customer from that day. He smiled and nodded along, but he could see the way Semi was watching him, sizing him up. 

He was about to suggest grabbing a booth, sweating under Semi’s gaze and growing all the more uncomfortable, when the man slammed down his drink and strutted off to the dance floor. He latched on to a man who seemed very eager for him, and Hinata couldn’t pull his eyes away for a long moment, watching Semi dance. He didn’t realize Ushijima was watching him. 

“You know, if you like Semi-“

Hinata’s head whipped around so fast that his hair shook. His eyes went wide as he gapped at the brunet. “What gave you that idea?” he said past a rough swallow. 

Thick fingers danced gracefully over the skin of his own neck, olive eyes on Hinata. “I don’t know. Just a vibe,” he said cryptically, but Hinata wasn’t stupid enough to miss the implication of his fingers at his neck, right where he’d bitten Semi. 

“Does he remember? I thought you said people usually forgot when you bit them.”

Hinata scrunched his eyebrows together. “I don’t think he does,” he lied. It felt heavy and bitter on his tongue, but Ushijima just turned his head away, silent. Hinata watched him from the corner of his eye. He hated that he still couldn’t read the other sometimes. 

“What about you? You two just do that casual skinship thing?”

Ushijima turned a little, surprised enough to slightly raise his eyebrows, but otherwise his face remained neutral. “It’s more Semi’s doing.

“He’s just like that.”

Hinata actually felt bad for Semi at that moment. Ushijima was adorably clueless, but he could imagine how frustrating it was for Semi. He leaned closer to Ushijima and smiled. “So if I did it, you’d just let me, too?”

Ushijima stared blankly at him, looking like he was considering it if Hinata didn’t know better. But he did, and he knew Ushijima was just trying to read him. “I wouldn’t stop you, I guess,” he said finally, and Hinata smiled wide. 

He knew exactly how dangerous that permission would come to be, but he didn’t care enough to pull back. He snuck a hand instead around Ushijima’s arm and leaned his head on his shoulder. He watched Semi now with half-lidded, understanding eyes. Hinata wondered if he wouldn’t have done the exact same thing if he was in Semi’s shoes, and suddenly Hinata wasn’t as upset anymore about Semi sleeping with him for revenge at Ushijima. For using him. 

Semi was getting pretty frisky with the guy he was with on the floor, and Hinata pulled Ushijima closer unconsciously. His mouth was going a little dry, so he turned back and downed his glass, smiling at the bartender, motioning for another drink. He sank his chin to Ushijima’s shoulder and peered up close at his piercings and neck tattoos.

“Did they hurt?” he whispered as he fingered at ink and earrings. 

Ushijima was still staring off into the distance, but he hummed at Hinata’s words. Hinata let his cool, slim fingers slide over warm skin, imagining that _just there_ he’d want to bite and kiss Ushijima. He pressed two nails into Ushijima’s pulsing vein, admired the red half-moons that bloomed.

“What are you doing?” Ushijima asked suspiciously, eyeing Hinata down and from the corner of his eye, lips turning down. Ah, Hinata wanted to kiss those lips. He wanted those eyes on him as he undressed. 

He shivered and raked his nails down Ushijima neck, saying tonelessly, “Nothing, dear.”

Ushijima just gave him another hum, eyes turning back to Semi, and Hinata was hit with an inexplicable jealousy. In Ushijima’s eyes, they were only friends, but Hinata hated that Ushijima still watched him like that, when Hinata was right there. 

“Wanna dance with me?” he asked abruptly. Ushijima leaned back and eyed him. “I’m not good.”

Hinata laughed. “I disagree, since I remember you dancing quite well.” 

Ushijima actually turned fully to look at him then. He wasn’t smiling anymore, and Hinata sat up a little straighter, fear shooting cold down his spine. 

“That was different, Hinata.”

Oh, his voice would be so sexy if Hinata wasn’t feeling the blood rush from his head. He turned away, eyes burning, watched Semi as he begged his lips not to tremble. God, when had he become so sappy and weak? 

“I’m gonna go dance with Semi, then,” he barely choked out. He was on his feet and halfway to the dance floor before Ushijima could think to react or say anything. He didn’t want to hear it.

Semi turned in slight surprise when he saw Hinata approaching, when the guy he’d been dancing with parted their bodies and invited Hinata in with a lecherous grin. He reached for Hinata and grabbed around his waist, immediately pulled Hinata between the two of them. He felt Semi’s surprise, but he closed his eyes and grabbed at the stranger’s arms, began moving his body. Semi didn’t take too long to warm again, and then he had his arms against Hinata’s waist, hands on their dance partner’s hips, and Hinata leaned his head down and let their rhythm sway him. 

He was beginning to feel his tiredness when he opened his eyes for a moment and found olive eyes watching him from across a dimly lit room, so serious that it made Hinata shiver. He closed his eyes again and wished he’d never even met Ushijima at all. 

x

 _This is ridiculous_ , Semi thought even as he couldn’t help himself. It had started weeks ago, when stupid Hinata had apologized to Ushijima and now they were buddy-buddy and Semi was _up a wall_ with his insanity. 

He hadn’t thought he’d hate it this much. It had been so easy to let Hinata walk away from him before, because he’d been hurt, and Hinata had been angry at him, and he hadn’t felt anything but the pain of losing Ushijima again. 

But now it was raw and present and _pulsing_ under his skin. It crawled when he saw Hinata and Ushijima together, and he’d realized with a start very suddenly that as much as he loved Ushijima and hated seeing him with anyone else, he loved Hinata just as much and hated seeing the two of them... without him there. 

So he’d inserted himself. He’d made Ushijima bring him to the bar. But that had gone a little terribly, and Semi had excused himself when he was sure he’d grab one or both of them and fuck them into oblivion, or just kiss them maybe, so he’d gone to dance. He’d paid more attention to the stranger he was dancing with then the guys he’d give the whole world for, but that was out of necessity and not want. 

It had hit him like a freight train, really. He’d always scoffed at polyamorous people. They were greedy, uncommitted, indecisive. He’d laughed at it right until the moment he’d realized, oh shit, that was him. It still felt impossible sometimes, if he thought about it too hard. But Ushijima had always had his heart, and now Hinata had crawled his way in, and instead of splitting his love in two, his heart had grown to accommodate. His mom had always explained it that way with her kids, and though it was a different kind of love, he understood how both of them could expand his heart so much. 

He hadn’t planned this at all. If he was honest, he didn’t want to be in love with Hinata. Because it was frustrating, almost as frustrating as being in love with a big, clueless, straight man. But Hinata was gay. But he was also angry at Semi and in love with Ushijima and impossible to read. And Semi was damn frustrated. He grabbed tighter around the stranger’s hips and ground against him, growling under his breath. 

He hadn’t even noticed Hinata until his dance partner had parted and pulled the redhead between them. Like a flash of lighting to his senses, suddenly Hinata had been there, and he was letting Semi press against him, and it took everything inside of him not to steal Hinata away and take him. 

There was something so intoxicating about Hinata. It was fuzzy, his memory of their night together, but Semi clearly remembered the pain and color of the bright bruises on his neck the next week. It wasn’t like it was entirely impossible; most people just never thought they’d meet a vampire, even if everyone believed and knew they existed out there. There were so few of them, a lot less than humans, and if you went about your daily life, you just assumed everyone you met was human like you. Maybe Hinata’s eyes should have clued him in earlier, or his flawless cross-dressing. But Semi had been always a little captivated by Hinata, too much to think clearly. He vaguely remembered the suction of a mouth against his neck, of going a little lightheaded, and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t used that fleeting feeling at least once to jack off in the past week. 

Watching Hinata walk away with Ushijima later that night had nearly broken him. He’d gone home and cried into his pillow, wondering if he couldn’t have either of the men he loved, wondering who had decided to stick him with this kind of fate. Gay, unrequited love, and let’s make it double. 

But he knew it was his fault. He had no one else to blame. If he could just stop being an asshole for two seconds and ask for forgiveness from Hinata, maybe he wouldn’t be so damn miserable. But instead he let his feelings fester and grow and choke him. It was his comfort zone, after all. He’d chosen it with Ushijima, so what was one more? 

If Ushijima noticed how tense he was getting, he said nothing, but sometimes Semi could feel olive eyes linger on him when Hinata was talking to Ushijima, and it made his skin go hot with jealousy. 

“You know, if you like him-“ Ushijima had begun to say one day, turning to Semi, but before Semi could yell at him to shut up, Hinata had run up to them and practically flung himself into Ushijima’s arms, hugging him tightly like they apparently did now. Semi had watched with a breaking heart as Ushijima had pressed his cheek against Hinata’s soft hair, eye closing, and Semi had slipped away before Hinata could notice him. 

He couldn’t watch that, not tonight. 

Maybe not ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /pours one out for Semi
> 
> Poor guy :,(


	7. Feelings, Pt. 2

He could feel something coming, like the rumbling of the tracks before a train barrels down it. Semi had been very determined to be included in all of Ushijima’s and Hinata’s hangouts, even coming to insert himself in random conversation when Hinata was at the shop, but he always felt a little off-kilter, like he was on a different frequency or he was forcing himself. Even Ushijima was beginning to look concerned, which was really something. A week went by like that, Semi getting more and more attached and weird, and Hinata could tell something was going to break soon.

So when Semi said, “Hey, let’s talk,” as he grabbed gently at Hinata’s arm after a night out at a local bar, Hinata wasn’t the least bit surprised. Blue eyes snapped up to a slightly drunk Semi, watching him carefully. Hinata had seen Semi slip away earlier, but he hadn’t thought the other would be waiting for him outside the bar, soaked wet from the rain, eyes hooded heavy with alcohol, cigarette butts littering the space around him, but he also wasn’t very surprised. He just wasn’t sure if this was going to be a good idea. But it couldn’t be helped; whatever he thought about Semi, he still worried about him, like a good person would. 

Hinata turned and crowded him, wiping up his wet bangs, frowning. “You stupid idiot. You didn’t have to wait in the rain.” Semi’s skin was cold to the touch. But the other pushed him away softly, shook his head. 

Hinata knew where this was going. He didn’t need to be smart to see where Semi’s mind and emotions were at. But he’d be damned if they were going to discuss this in a dirty alley, Semi drunk and wet to his skin. 

So when he began to say, “Listen, Hinata, I-“ Hinata grabbed his hand and hushed him harshly. 

“Idiot,” he grumbled again as he pulled Semi to the street and hailed a cab. He pushed Semi in and gripped his hand, nails digging in as a warning to be quiet and hand gripping tight as a reminder that he was okay. 

Hinata had never, ever had anyone up to his place, at least not that he could remember. He pulled Semi in behind him and shut the door on dark and quiet, his hotel room unprepared for whatever was about to go down. 

“Take your shoes off. I’m grabbing you a towel and dry clothes.”

Hinata sighed as he moved into the room, shedding his shoes and jacket for favor of the warmth of the room, moving into his bedroom and attached bathroom to grab a large, fluffy towel and a pair of sweats and a sweater, the largest he owned. When he came back out, Semi stood a few steps from the entryway, looking a little more sober but no less distraught. 

“You idiot,” Hinata said once again as he draped the towel over Semi’s head, rubbing at his wet hair. Then he pushed him towards his bedroom and said, “Take those wet clothes off and put on the ones I left on the bed.”

Semi nodded and disappeared with cautious steps inside his bedroom, and Hinata sighed again, moving to his small kitchenette to make some coffee for Semi and himself. As he watched the pot drip and percolate, he wondered if he was ready for this conversation. He’d certainly felt it coming for a long while, and he felt more at peace about it now, but that didn’t mean he was at all prepared. His heart still ached with hurt sometimes when he looked at Semi. Maybe more than anything, he felt sorry for the other, but there was still that bitter aftertaste of the hurt Semi had done to him. 

“Sorry,” came the quiet mumble as Hinata topped off the last coffee with creamer. 

He didn’t turn around, asked instead, “Do you drink your coffee black or with creamer?”

Semi didn’t respond, so he turned and pressed the warm mug of black coffee into Semi’s hand. “Help yourself.”

“That was a shitty apology, by the way,” Hinata told him as he moved past the blond to sit at his small kitchen table. Semi shuffled to the kitchen counter and dumped in way too much creamer, and then he turned to look at Hinata, looking like a guilty child who’d just been caught. He looked cute like this, Hinata couldn’t help but think bitterly, weak and in his sweats. His hair was mussed and still a bit damp, the thick towel draped around his neck. Hinata watched as he moved to take the chair opposite Hinata. He avoided eye contact with blue eyes, set his mug down and stared into the light brown liquid like it could cure his problems. He wrapped his hands around the mug and sat in silence. Hinata leaned back and let him. His coffee tasted bitter despite the creamer. 

“I have no right, probably,” Semi began finally, dragging his eyes up to meet Hinata’s, and Hinata sat up again, slowly. “I mean, I did a really shitty thing for terrible reasons.”

Hinata couldn’t disagree, so he nodded, a frown on his lips.

“But please, please believe me, Hinata, when I say I regret how I treated you. I approached you for the wrong, selfish reasons, but I can’t say-“ He stopped there, eyes wavering on Hinata but not dropping away. 

“I’m sorry, but I can’t say I regret approaching you and taking you to the hotel that night.” His eyes were so clear and earnest that it stirred up something deep inside Hinata. He bit at his lip as Semi added, “I don’t regret it, Hinata.”

And finally his eyes dropped away, and Hinata was left with unbearable silence, but he let it steep in around them. At some point, he stood and made himself a sandwich, and he ate it at the kitchen counter, knowing Semi was still waiting, knowing maybe it was tearing him apart.

“What are you trying to say, Semi?” he finally said. “I thought you were in love with Ushijima.”

“Yeah, I am. Hopelessly so. Isn’t it pitiful?” Semi’s voice sounded closer than Hinata had thought him to be, but he didn’t turn to look. He didn’t look even when he felt a hand grab gently around his hip, slide to his back, grip at his shirt there. He tilted his head down as emotions rushed to the surface, bitter and overwhelming. 

“But you, too,” Semi said, voice so quiet. “I’m hopelessly in love with you too.”

Hinata couldn’t breathe. It was suffocating. He wanted to yell at Semi for being selfish and rude and not thinking of him at all, for always just wanting everything, he couldn’t have everything just because he wanted it! But he stood frozen, unmoving, maybe even hoping that Semi would laugh and say, “Just a joke.”

His heart dropped. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he murmured, angry. 

“I’m not lying.”

“Don’t be stupid!”

“Hinata, I love you. I love Ushijima, too.”

Hinata whirled around, tears burning in his eyes, and he grit his teeth at the blond. “So what, because you can’t have Ushijima, you decide that I’ll be a good replacement?! It’s still exactly the same then! Your apology means nothing!”

“I know!” screamed Semi right back, shocking Hinata to silence, mouth open. “I know that I did it the first time for all the wrong reasons, but damn it, Hinata, please fucking believe me when I tell you that I fell in love with you!”

He gripped his hands into his sweater, face twisted in frustration. “It has nothing to do with Ushijima, not this. Not my feelings. It’s not about a replacement or trying to be happy for myself. I swear, Hinata, I want to make _you_ happy. It tears me apart when Ushijima can make you smile and I can only make you look... like this,” he said as he waved uselessly at Hinata’s expression. 

Hinata yelled, screeched in frustration. “So what, it’s just because you hate seeing Ushijima happy with me?? We’re not even anything! We’re barely friends!”

“You’re way better friends than Ushi and I have ever been, don’t lie to me, Hinata!”

They were both screaming now, voices going high. Hinata had half a mind to mind their volume for his neighbors, but he was so hysterical, so overly emotional that he couldn’t think straight. Let the cops come, maybe they’d drag Semi away. Bringing him here had been a terrible idea. 

“So what if we are?! I love him, too, Semi! Just cause you were here first doesn’t mean I can’t try-!”

“I NEVER SAID YOU COULDN’T!”

The whole room froze. 

“I never said you couldn’t,” repeated Semi, deflated now. Hinata was shocked to see the tears streaming down his cheeks, to see his lip trembling uncontrollably. “I’m just asking you to try with me, too.” 

“Wha-?”

Semi wiped angrily at his tears, looking up at Hinata with fire in his eyes. “I love you, Hinata. So won’t you try with me, too? And together, together we can, with Ushijima-“

Hinata’s voice broke. He didn’t want it to, but it did. “So you can just leave me when Ushijima accepts you?”

“No, Hinata. So that we can all be together when Ushijima accepts both of us.”

Hinata wasn’t sure he’d heard it right. Semi’s voice was so soft. He took an unconscious step forward, tilted his head down to look up at Semi. “Say that again...”

Semi’s eyes rose and met Hinata’s, soft and warm and brown, and he smiled, beautiful through his pain and red cheeks. “Hinata, I love you both. I don’t want a world where it’s just me and you, or just Ushijima and I. Heaven forbid. I’m selfish, after all. I want you both to be mine, for us to be each other’s together.”

“And what if he never accepts us? Or he only accepts one?”

Semi gnawed at his lip. “Then, whether it’s you or me he accepts, or neither, it will tear me apart. But I’ll have you, won’t I? And you’ll have me.”

“...Yeah.”

Semi was beautiful like this, he always absolutely had been. Where Ushijima was beautiful in the way he was strong and kind, Semi’s beauty shone through in his quiet attention and his watchfulness. Hinata watched him for a long while, wiped his tears when they began to pool at his chin. Semi was warm, so warm. His hand shook as he slid his fingers over a heated cheek, as he cupped Semi’s face. Something overwhelming washed over him, and he almost wanted to laugh. Hinata couldn’t wrap his head around it, or maybe he didn’t want to, but suddenly it didn’t seem to matter, the logistics of this kind of love. He’d been lying to himself for a long time, he thought. The only reason Semi has been able to hurt him so badly in the first place was because Hinata was already falling. He’d been falling for a long while now; it was useless to deny it as the warmth and sureness of it surged into his chest and made his heart race. He squeezed at Semi’s cheek softly as he surged forward, no longer worried about right or wrong, apologies or forgiveness. It was just Semi before him, and he adored the man with his whole heart and soul already; he had since the very start.

He pulled Semi to himself and didn’t think again. Lips collided, wet, hungry, and Semi’s response was instant. With a deep sigh of relief, he pulled Hinata to him and deepened the kiss. A tongue licked out over Hinata’s lips, which parted, and then over his teeth. He drank in the soft moan Semi fed him; he melted. 

“God damn, I’ve been a fool,” he husked against Semi’s lips, tears falling. “I’ve been such a fool, Semi.”

He couldn’t pretend anymore. There was no ignoring it now. The moment Semi had opened his stupid lips and said that he loved Hinata, he’d known it, absolutely. He loved Semi too, undeniably, irrevocably. That’s why Semi hadn’t forgotten him, because he’d already fallen for him back then. They had a bond, just like he had with Ushijima. 

So the logistics of it didn’t matter, because Hinata understood. Because his heart too ached for the both of them, and if it was just Semi for now, they would live with the pain of missing their third together. Hinata wanted to laugh. Would Kageyama be upset, or would he be smiling, happy that Hinata was chasing his happiness? It felt absurd to say he was so madly in love with two men, but his whole body screamed the truth of it. 

He grabbed around Semi’s neck and pulled him closer. “You’re already mine,” he husked possessively, and Semi responded by sinking his tongue against Hinata’s, by twining them together. Hinata couldn’t get enough, as he pressed their kiss deeper, hungrier than ever before. 

Semi pulled him up by his legs, hiked Hinata up against his solid frame. Hinata’s hands sunk into soft hair and down a baggy shirt. Semi had a beautiful back, muscles rippling softly, flexing strongly against his palm. His hand fit just between Semi’s shoulder blades. He whimpered needily against Semi’s mouth; he wouldn’t try to tamper down his desire any longer. He’d waited way too long to get this far, and he wasn’t keen on waiting a second longer. These precious moments were so fleeting. The pipe had burst, and he wanted, no, needed Semi right now, strongly and depraved and no holds barred. 

“To the bedroom,” he husked as his lips slid over a heated cheek and to a pulsing neck. “Quickly, Semi,” he urged breathlessly as he scraped his teeth softly over the man’s pale neck. Semi gasped, eager, body riled with anticipation. He turned on his heel and ran them into Hinata’s bedroom. They fell to the bed together and tangled themselves around each other. 

_Too many clothes_ , Hinata thought vaguely, but he was wrapped around Semi like an anaconda, and he didn’t want to release. Semi smelled and tasted incredibly sweet. Hinata’s blue eyes glowed and hummed like luminescent stones. His teeth ached in his gums; he hadn’t fed on anything to his liking since the night with Semi, and that was altogether too depressing. But he wouldn’t give in so easily like some base animal. He would pleasure Semi thoroughly, and make sure that he himself was thoroughly pleasured.

“Hinata,” Semi giggled suddenly as he pulled away, sat up. He looked down at Hinata, who was probably a mess of wet lips and eyes and mussed-up clothes. His shirt had hiked up his torso and Semi was staring fondly at his pale skin. Warm fingers came and traced patterns over his freckled side, and he twitched, ticklish. “Are you sure about this?” he asked then, doubt and anxieties trying to dampen his happiness. 

“Semi,” Hinata warned, but the other just smiled at him shyly, his insecurities showing plain on his face. Hinata gripped tight at Semi’s arm and husked, “Yes, Semi, I’m very, very sure.”

The flip switched back and Semi’s eyes lit up, beautiful, breathtaking. Hinata couldn’t help but croon up at the other as his shy smile turned coy and rotten, as two warm hands now fitted to his body as he slowly dragged Hinata’s shirt up and off. 

“I regret not taking my time last time,” he said when he leaned back over Hinata, nipping at his jaw. “So be prepared, cuteness.”

“I’m too old for sappy ass nicknames,” Hinata said with a heavy grunt. 

Semi bit at his earlobe and grinned. “No can do, muffin cakes.”

“God... damn it, Semi.” His voice shook. Why did he love it so much? He was too damn old for it, but he wanted more of Semi’s gross affection. 

“Give me more,” he begged shamelessly. “Give it to me good and hard.”

Semi growled at that, nails digging into soft skin, teeth sinking against Hinata’s neck like he imagined their roles reversed. The rough lick along his throat seemed to scream, “I want to taste you.” Hinata’s heart pounded hard in his chest. He craved the crazy possessiveness, the need to conquer him totally and completely.

With Hinata’s shirt off and his chest bared for Semi, the other sat back on his legs to remove his jeans next. And while he did so, he let his eyes roam over Hinata’s upper body, heat terribly hidden. 

With no glamour on, Hinata’s body was barred for him to really see. Hinata had never really tried very hard to loose or gain weight. It had always been hard for him to gain muscle as well. His body was soft and slightly pliable, muscle hidden deep underneath if you really looked. His freckles made him seem softer and pudgier than he was. He was neither too skinny nor not skinny enough; it’s just that he was soft around the edges, curvy in place most men weren’t, with a slim waist to top it all off. He hated it, if he was honest, or he had, but when Semi looked at him like this, he swore he wouldn’t change a thing. 

A finger grazed over his now-healed belly button piercing and he didn’t miss the proud smile Semi got. Pants were off now, underwear not far behind them. Brown eyes coasted eagerly over all of Hinata; the gaze gave Hinata a kind of confidence he hadn’t felt in years, not in his real skin. He propped his hands coyly behind his head and arched his spine a little, showing off, just for the blond, because Semi made him want to. It made him want to woo him. Semi’s smile spoke volumes of how he appreciated that, and Hinata felt like he could really get used to this feeling of being truly loved and adored. He could really get addicted to it.

Warm hands coasted up his sides, leaving trails of pleasure on his skin. “God, Hinata, do you even know how beautiful you are?”

“I’m not,” was Hinata’s knee-jerk reaction, and he felt the heat of a glamour slip over him, but Semi slapped the side of his ass in retribution. 

“Stop that,” he breathed low. He worked his fingers over Hinata’s skin like a massage, dismantling the glamour as he went. “I don’t need any of that. I want to see you.”

Hinata sat up slowly, climbing to his knees. He sat before Semi, looked deep into his eyes as the other man kept mapping his skin. It made him feel like his freckles were cracks in his skin that starlight could shine through. He felt magical. 

He felt ridiculous, too, but mostly absolutely and undoubtably admired. He grabbed forward and took Semi’s hand in his, pulled it forward and pressed it against his skin. “Then don’t let me forget,” he whispered. 

“You’ll have to remind me constantly,” he warned. “I’ll do it without thinking.”

His hair shifted slightly in color, unnoticeable almost, but Semi smacked the fat of his thigh again. “Stop that, baby doll.”

Hinata shivered, Semi’s hand and eyes roving over his body. “Come on,” he whispered suddenly as the desire he felt for Semi overflowed with red hot affection. “I’m aching.”

Semi laughed at that, a warm, beautiful thing, and it was almost like something, a wall he kept up around others, melted. Hinata felt the way he was opening up just for him and he wanted to cry. 

“I’m going to devour you at this rate,” he growled hungrily, seductive, a beast. Semi slipped into his arms and pulled Hinata down to the bed with him. He kissed him ravenously. 

“Do it,” Semi panted when he pulled back. “Right when I’m at the edge, eat me alive.”

Hinata was sure he’d never felt like this before. He needed Semi so badly that he blanked out for major parts of it. There was the tearing off of Semi’s clothes, the admiration of his body, and then nothing until the intense pleasure that tore through him, Semi pushing inside him and Hinata screaming high and loud at the feeling of finally getting what he wanted. 

“Do it, do it harder!” he vaguely remembered screaming, tasting the words on his tongue, the bitter need and raw anticipation of them. 

And then suddenly Semi was humming against his sweat-glistened skin that he was cumming, and Hinata saw red, hot and needy and filled with incredible lust. 

“Love you,” he gasped just before he sank his sharp fangs into Semi’s neck. A drop of blood hit his tongue and he was gone, pleasure so raw it tore him apart. Semi tasted so much sweeter, like the love he felt was transforming him down to his very blood cells. There was the tang of sweat against Hinata’s tongue, as he licked over moist skin, so sensitive and alive beneath him. He was at the heart of Semi, at his weakest spot, and he was seeing every thought and feeling the man had laid mapped out before him like the stars in the night sky, and it was breathtaking. He sucked harshly, and as he tightened on Semi, Semi’s cock swelled in his ass, and they both let out a gasping moan. Hinata’s was high and flighty and Semi’s was low and sensual. Hinata drank it in with the blood he was slurping down like he couldn’t get enough. 

There were levels of blood when feeding. The gross aftertaste of old blood was the lowest, and then there was the warm blandness like under-seasoned soup of a fresh bite. Next was emotionless drinking during sex, a little sweeter and warmer, like a decent ramen broth. 

This, though, this was like gourmet dining for vampires, and it stunned Hinata. He couldn’t get enough, but he also felt more sated than he ever had. Feelings he didn’t know and couldn’t identify swelled inside his chest and heart to overflowing. Semi tasted like his favorite dish from his favorite restaurant, something nostalgic and all-together fresh, something he couldn’t explain to anyone, not even another vampire. Umami beyond belief and love beyond reason. He hugged Semi tight and felt the warmth over his whole body, inside him, around him. He melted, a moan against Semi’s bruised skin, but Semi was flying high in the sky through a mind-numbing orgasm. He filled Hinata with both blood and semen. Hinata shivered under him, so enraptured by this. 

They didn’t pull apart even after Semi had been spent, Hinata having cum wet between them, and Hinata had stopped drinking form the other. He didn’t withdraw his teeth until Semi was pulling his cock slowly out of Hinata, and the redhead did the same, a sensual act for both of them, and Semi shivered through the pleasure of it. 

“Holy fuck,” he whispered as he sank to the bed on his back. They lay still like that for a long time. Hinata at some point got up to grab Semi something to eat to replenish him, and by the time he was back, Semi’s eyes looked a little less clouded over. He accepted the food Hinata gave him, sitting up slowly. He leaned against the headboard and watched Hinata like he’d never seen anyone so amazing before in his life. 

“I’ve never cum so hard.”

Hinata could only nod to agree, though he barely remembered anything specific over the amazing pleasure and the blinding happiness. 

“Hey,” said Semi suddenly, voice a little rough as he fingered at his neck. “Come here for a second, darling.”

Hinata giggled at the nickname and his slur, but he slipped into Semi’s lap with no complaints. Semi took his hand and pressed it against the wound in his neck. Hinata was quick to lean in and lick it clean, disinfect it, and ease the pain. 

“Was it good?” Semi asked, suddenly vulnerable. Hinata pulled back from his neck and blinked at the blond. 

“Of course it was, idiot,” he couldn’t help but harsh out. 

 

“I just wasn’t sure-“ Semi said, and suddenly he looked so unsure again, shaking a little. 

Hinata wanted to smack him, so he did. It left a red mark on his cheek, and the sound rang around the room, high and clear. “Dumbass,” he told Semi, his voice dipping into affectionate as he continued. “Let me spell it out for you. I never sleep with the same person twice, and I certainly don’t go out of my way to let them into my life by befriending them.”

“I’m just worried that you’re still gonna worry about-“

Hinata wanted to slap him again, but this time instead he kissed him, hard and silencing. With a deep affection that pulled him apart, he said, “Semi, I forgive you. And I think you ought to know that you’re absolutely mine now. I won’t worry about silly things, and you’ll never ever leave my side.”

He fingered at Semi’s neck. “That’s how serious this is for me.” Into empty brown eyes, “This is a bond for as long as your life will last.”

“Hinata,” Semi whispered, face already tipping, eyes gazing so fondly at him. “I really, really love you.”

Hinata let Semi taste his light laugh. “I know,” he muttered against sweet lips. “I could taste it.”

“I’ll never lie to you again.”

“Good, because I’ll know, and I won’t forgive you.”

Semi shivered, wrapped his arms around Hinata as he pulled him closer. He opened his mouth and sighed into Hinata’s, tongues swirling together. Hinata knew Semi could taste himself on Hinata’s tongue. He wondered if he liked it. 

And then he grabbed Hinata’s hand without pulling back, pressed it up against Hinata’s lips. 

“Bite it,” he demanded softly. 

Confusion and disapproval shot over Hinata’s face. “Say please,” he muttered darkly even as he thought he had no plans to do what Semi asked. It felt sacrilegious, wrong.

But then Semi blinked up at him with soft eyes and husked out a sexy whisper of, “Please, gorgeous,” and Hinata changed his mind, thinking he might be doing that a lot in the future. He furrowed his brows but slowly did as he was asked. It hurt like hell, even thought it was but a small prick on his finger, and his own blood tasted bitter on his tongue. He pulled it from his mouth before it could erase Semi’s taste, pulling a face. Semi yanked his finger back, and before Hinata could blink or breathe or say a word, he had it in his mouth and was sucking on it like a baby on a teet. 

Hinata shuddered out a high moan, eyes wide on Semi. But the other was lost in what he was doing, licking his hot tongue over Hinata’s small finger, spreading red over his lips to lick it away. He kissed Hinata’s fingertip as the wound closed, kissed up his finger and then his palm, licking wet at the sweat that had dried there. Hinata crinkled his nose as he pressed his free hand over his cock, embarrassed that he was feeling something from this. Semi suckled on two of his fingers and popped off with a wet, loud sound. 

And then he had the balls to smile wide and proud up at Hinata with pretty red lips and a beautiful countenance. 

And Hinata realized just how absolutely gone he was for this crazy, stupid blond. He grabbed the back of Semi’s head and kissed him fiercely, lips colliding. He licked his own blood off Semi’s lips, before letting Semi suck the thick muscle back into his own mouth to clean it off. 

Semi pulled back and let out the most satisfied, moaning sigh of happiness, then sank down to the mattress and pulled Hinata with him. 

“Now we’ve made a pact, to never leave each other, to never stop loving and trying,” he said altogether seriously and grinning like a fool.

“You’re a stupid, human idiot,” Hinata berated him even as he sank against Semi’s chest. Warm arms held him and he thought that it was okay that Semi was stupid and foolish and absolutely human. 

“I love you,” he whispered to a pale chest that was already rising slow with sleep. 

_I love you so much more than I could ever say or you could ever hope to imagine. My dearest. My Eita._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uWu <3


	8. In a Word

Ushijima felt, in a word, awkward. It wasn’t like he was stupid, but he felt like Semi and Hinata were trying to pretend he was. Then again, he’d also not seen this coming, but maybe he should have. 

Hinata seemed more excited and happy than he had in a long while. It had been a few months now since the two had started their unlikely friendship, and Ushijima hated to admit sometimes that Hinata had grown on him, despite his very touchy-feely nature that didn’t jive with Ushijima sometimes. He’d been angry and upset at first, knowing Hinata had lied to him about something as important as his gender, that he had tried to seduce Ushijima using that lie. But his anger had slowly faded and when Hinata had explained to him the reasons why, he had found himself being unable to fault Hinata.

The thing that made him angry in the middle of the night, though, was waking up to a wet dream about Hinata as a girl, and he wished his brain would learn the difference between impossibility and reality. And so, he should be glad that it seemed that Semi and Hinata were... friends again. Because maybe his brain would finally understand it, when it saw them being so obviously hung up on each other. I mean, he’d even been the one to point it out to them, for crying out loud; but really, it didn’t take a genius to see it, they were just exceptionally slow.

But still, it was awkward as hell to sit between, especially when the two criminals refused to clue him in on something so painfully obvious. He watched with disbelief as Semi and Hinata sat opposite each other, but very obviously trying to not be obvious about making eyes at each other. It was even worse when Semi had a fresh bruise blooming on his neck that Ushijima had seen before. It twisted at his gut to see it again, because he knew what it meant now and he understood now what it had meant back then. He wasn’t a genius or anything, but they were skirting around an issue that was so obvious. Why weren’t they telling him anything? Did they think he’d be mad or something? Because he’d danced with Hinata one time? Or was Semi still embarrassed that Ushijima had found out he was gay? Was he trying to spare Ushijima awkward feelings? I mean, he got it. It was Hinata. He was attractive, and he was nice. He was a fucking vampire. Ushijima didn’t think anyone could fault Semi for getting a crush on the man. 

If they were trying to consider his feelings, he wished they’d stop. The alternative was torture. When he’d had enough of it, Ushijima said, “Do you two want me to leave so you can have your time together?”

Ushijima had never seen two heads whip around so fast. 

“No, Ushi!” Hinata cried out, leaning instantly closer to the other. Semi shook his head and shrugged, trying to act like he wasn’t sure what Ushijima even meant. Ushijima let Hinata cling to him as he stared in disbelief at his best friend, who was making it look effortless to show no emotion on his face. Finally Ushijima turned back to Hinata, and the other instantly launched into a story about something crazy that had happened to him in the past. Ushijima found himself leaning down, chin resting in his hand, as he listened silently to Hinata laugh and use different voices to dramatize his story. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Semi watch him, but he decided paying attention to Hinata was more worthwhile for him. Really, who could blame Semi if he’d formed a little crush...

He watched Hinata throw back drinks, and it always amazed him that someone so small could drink so much and not feel affected. It was one of his favorite things about Hinata, actually. That didn’t mean Hinata wasn’t still the loudest and most rambunctious of their little group. But all in all, Hinata was amazing. Ushijima felt glad he’d given the man another chance. It had been a little awkward at first, sure, but Hinata was good, with a pure heart and easy-to-guess intentions. Ushijima often found himself transfixed by the other; there was a magnetism about him that normal humans didn’t have. His eyes could grab anyone’s attention, and drawing them in seemed effortless on his part, too. No, Ushijima couldn’t fault Semi at all for whatever this new thing was between them, though he did wonder what Hinata saw in Semi. He pressed his hand over his smile at the thought of it. Hinata was still talking animatedly about something or other, and Semi had thankfully turned his eyes to the redhead, a hint of a smile on his lips, this look in his eyes that was painfully obvious. Ushijima wanted to smack Semi over the head for thinking he couldn’t just tell Ushijima what was going on. It... sucked. They’d been friends since middle school. Ushijima had certainly always told Semi everything. He wondered why Semi didn’t feel he could return the courtesy. 

At one point, Hinata left to go to the bathroom, and Semi sat quiet. The silence felt heavy compared to the light of Hinata’s voice before. Ushijima turned to his childhood friend and knocked his boot against the man’s leg. 

“What’s with you?” When Semi didn’t meet his eyes, he sighed and elaborated. “Last week, you could barely stand being around Hinata, and now you look like you don’t want to leave him.”

“It’s nothing-“ Semi said automatically, clipped. His eyes finally met Ushijima’s olive stare.

“I’m not stupid,” bit off Ushijima suddenly. Semi sat back a minuscule amount, but his face revealed nothing as he sat in silence still. Ushijima was as patient as they came, so he waited. Semi looked like he was trying to read his mind. 

The silence grew between them, too many thoughts filling Ushijima’s head between the space, until Semi’s eyes slipped down to the drink in his hand and he sighed wearily. 

“I didn’t say anything because we thought it would make you uncomfortable.”

Ushijima sat back with a weary sigh. So that had been it after all, huh? He couldn’t say it made him glad to hear. “I can be happy for you two even if I don’t... really get it.”

Semi cocked his head at that, seeming a little more offended than he should. “What’s not to get?”

“Well, I mean, I just don’t really understand how being attracted to the same sex works.”

“It’s the same as any other love! Even you were attracted to Hinata when he was a girl.”

Ushijima frowned. It seemed simple when Semi said it, but his mind wouldn’t grasp the concept of it. Was his head too wrapped up in the gender thing? “So it’s just because it’s Hinata?”

Semi leaned over the table, and this time he was the one frowning. “Yes. No...” Semi blinked at Ushijima like he wanted something from the other man he couldn’t give. 

“I mean, I like guys in general, but don’t you think Hinata is just...” Ushijima watched with wide eyes as Semi went a little red and whispered out so quietly, “the cutest?”

He was so taken aback that he said back instantly, “Of course he’s cute.”

And now Semi was sitting back, a little shocked. His wide eyes and surprise soon melted into a wide grin though, and Ushijima wondered if it would matter if he tried to take his words back. 

He deemed it absolutely useless to try when a soft voice squeaked from his side, “You think I’m cute, Ushijima?”

He turned his head woodenly, stared at Hinata. He couldn’t even try to lie or shrug it off now, because the way Hinata was staring at him, so open and hopeful, made him wonder why Hinata would even care if Ushijima found him cute. 

“Yeah,” Ushijima said dryly. He could see Semi watching him from the corner of his eye, but all of his concentration was on Hinata. He wasn’t sure why it was so awkward for him to admit it. “You’re my cute friend, Hinata.” It felt as awkward to say as it sounded. But that wasn’t what drained the color from his face.

Ushijima had never seen a smile go so fake so quickly. Semi’s eyes widened the most minuscule amount, but Ushijima didn’t notice that. He felt frozen by the way Hinata’s smile stretched suddenly too wide, the way it no longer reached his gorgeous blue eyes. 

“Is that so?” Hinata said slowly, fake smile making the words sound stiff. He laughed then, a horrible sound for how forced it was, and Ushijima wanted to shut him up, but he couldn’t move or speak. 

“That’s good to know, Ushijima.” Hinata turned his head back down and resumed his wooden smile. “I’m glad Semi and I have such a supportive friend like you-“

Ushijima wasn’t sure if he was imagining the wet gleam to Hinata’s eyes or the crack in his voice, but suddenly Semi was moving, pulling Hinata to him by his small face. In slow motion, Ushijima watched Semi’s hand sink into Hinata’s soft, red hair, watched the two draw together like magnets, eyes closing naturally just before their lips found each other. 

Ushijima was far too riveted for anyone’s good, a gawking onlooker, front row seat to the show happening, but he couldn’t just sit there any longer. He awkwardly rushed up from his seat and made his way at a fast pace out of the bar. His stomach turned. He heard a small voice squeak out his name before being reclaimed again by brazen lips, but Ushijima couldn’t process anything anymore. 

He wished he could stop being so ridiculous, but he couldn’t explain the way that kiss had felt like a punch in his gut, a dismissal of him by his two best friends. Hadn’t he just had a whole inner monologue about being fine with it, being cool. Semi’d really hit the nail on the head, hadn’t he? So why the heck did Ushijima have to feel this way? He should be so happy for them, to be content in their new-found happiness, but instead it sat like a rock in his stomach. There was this cold feeling that accompanied it, a sadness that felt unshakable. His closest friend and the new one he’d just made, his only two friends, really, had claimed each other. He’d never been on this end of it before. Was this what it felt like to watch your friends be happy while you felt stuck in a rut of bachelorhood?

He felt, in a word, _alone_.

x

“Idiot,” Hinata grumbled weakly against Semi’s chest. 

“You know you would have started crying,” Semi said softly, though there was no apology in his voice. He held Hinata to his chest.

“It didn’t even mean anything to him, but it hurt so much to hear him say it,” Hinata whimpered meekly. “‘A cute friend.’”

Semi hugged him a little closer. The words had been meant for Hinata, but he had felt the impact of them too. He’d been cruel to Hinata and himself by forcing Ushijima to answer like that. He’d just meant to snap Ushijima out of whatever stupid thought process he’d gotten stuck on. “Sorry, baby,” he mumbled against a pillow of red hair. “That was unfair.”

He felt absolutely guilt-ridden, which was brand new, and he hated it. It felt like his whole being wanted to cease existing. All he’d really ever had was Ushijima, now that he thought about it. It was a shitty time to realize it, when your only friend walked out on you after you’d just told him about your boyfriend. But it wasn’t even as simple as that. That wasn’t even accounting for Hinata and Semi’s feelings for Ushijima at all. All in all, it felt like absolute shit. 

“And now you’ve scared him away!” yelped Hinata as he smacked Semi’s chest. He deserved that...

“I’ll talk to him. He’ll understand.” _I’ll fix this._ He’d pushes the issue way too far; why the heck had he kissed Hinata? Shock value? Get-Ushijima-all-hot-and-bothered-with-your-kiss? What was wrong with him? He’d put Hinata’s feelings out to dry and turned himself into a terrible person to do it. 

“That’s not-“ Hinata began, looking up all teary-eyed and so beautiful. Semi swallowed past the large lump in his throat. It was still foreign to him how much he adored Hinata when he’d never loved anyone else like this except for Ushijima. But it felt so easy, loving Hinata. It was so damn easy to get carried away in blue eyes and soft lips. He hated that he’d been so stupid and cruel to this pure creature since the beginning, and he hated that he wasn’t doing a better job even now.

Damn it. 

But Hinata was nothing but wonderful as he whispered sadly, “It must have hurt for you, too. Don’t blame yourself, darling.” The way he said the endearment, with that Japanese lilt, made Semi want to die of cuteness overload. Hinata was absolutely too good for him, and he deserved not only the love of Semi and Ushijima, but as many men as he wanted. He deserved a harem of adoring males, really. Instead he was stuck with him, an idiot with his foot in his mouth, and Ushijima, an imbecile. He hugged Hinata tight and wondered why someone who deserved the whole world had the misfortune of loving two buffoons. It made him want to realign Hinata’s priorities. It made him want to be a million times better as a man. 

As Hinata’s man. 

Hinata giggled as Semi rubbed his face into his neck, trying to push him back. “Semi~!” he crooned, and the other sighed happily. 

“I love you,” he said so easily. 

“It’s embarrassing!” cried Hinata, so Semi said it again, a smile on his lips this time. He said it again and again and again, slowly washing away anxieties and fears and his stupid insecurities and flaws. When he felt like a little bit of a better man, he lowered his voice to a soft hum and said, “Sorry you’re stuck with me.”

Hinata grabbed his face and shook his head, expression so serious, so beautiful in quiet strength. “You make me so happy, Semi. Don’t apologize.”

“I’m trying,” said Semi regretfully as he kissed Hinata again. His lips were incredibly soft and pliant; Semi could kiss them all day. Even two days ago, Semi hadn’t thought he’d be so addicted, and he was sure it would only grow from now on. He wanted to wrap himself up in Hinata and forget all the rest of the world, but it wasn’t always so simple. 

“I’ll talk to him,” he said again, and he kissed Hinata one more time.

_I swear, if only just for you, I’ll fix this, Hinata._

x

The sun had long ago set behind the small tattoo shop, and Semi had finished cleaning his station. He was surprised to find Ushijima still there, hunched over his drawing table, only a small light to illuminate his sketch. Semi leaned against the door frame and watched him unabashed for a long time. These had always been some of his favorite moments, when he could let his adoration for Ushijima really show in his face and soft smile. 

Ushijima suddenly glanced up and Semi barely had time to hide his melting smile and warm eyes. He coughed and stepped inside Ushijima’s little space. He crawled back into his comfortable shell of the unfeeling stone he was. “Aren’t you going to apologize for leaving so abruptly last night?” 

“Sorry,” Ushijima said with a small frown, his eyes betraying his guilt. 

“I don’t really care,” he lied easily, his face solid. “I meant, to Hinata.”

Ushijima turned back to his drawing. “Doesn’t a text apology seem a little impersonal?”

“Yeah,” said Semi with a short laugh. “That would be rude.” And then he walked up closer to Ushijima and said, “Do it anyways. Don’t let it sit until you see him again.”

Ushijima looked up at him. “Sometimes you actually say smart stuff.”

“Yeah,” said Semi with a grin, trying to act like his heart wasn’t choking off his air supply right now.

“Also, next time, warn me before you start making out.”

“We weren’t-“ Semi couldn’t see Ushijima’s face since he was turned back to his sketch, but he thought he detected some bitterness in the tone. He blinked in surprise, stepped closer to Ushijima and grabbed a rolling stool to sit on. He leaned close to Ushijima. “Did it make you uncomfortable?”

Ushijima was suspiciously silent. 

“You want me to... warn you next time so you can look away?” He wanted to stop talking about it, but suddenly he felt that crawling under his skin again, an itch he just couldn’t leave alone. He looked around in confusion and then back to Ushijima.

Silence met him. 

“What the heck, man? It’s just kissing.” Semi grit his teeth together. 

This time Ushijima turned to look at him, but he still didn’t say anything. His mouth worked over unspoken words, and Semi couldn’t help but stare at his lips. They were really pretty for a man’s lips, and that was saying something even coming from his gay ass. God, why couldn’t he stop?

He was out of his mind when he said, “I could kiss you again to prove it.”

Ushijima’s face turned away so harshly that he could only save the moment by laughing and saying, “Just joking, man!” He wanted to slam his head into a metal pole. 

“So, what, you two are dating now?” said Ushijima as an excellent segue. “How did that even happen?”

Semi sat back and watched Ushijima. He had to dig himself out of the hole he’d crawled into. He had to just be his usual self again. Why did it feel so much harder to slip back into that skin now? “I went to his hotel room to apologize and told him I loved him. Then we banged.”

He paused for only a moment, eyes narrowed and watching Ushijima very carefully. “Does it make you uncomfortable?”

“What, to listen to you describe sex with Hinata as, “We banged”?”

There was bitterness in his tone again. “Why do you care how I describe it?” Semi’s skin was really crawling now. He was so confused. “What, would you like me to say we made love in his bed for hours? He drank from me and I orgasmed from it? We kissed-“

Ushijima turned fast in his chair, and Semi’s eyes went wide when he saw how red Ushijima’s face was. He was angry. _Shit._

But Semi was angry, too. It had stopped being about the kiss at some point. It felt more personal than that. He couldn’t believe his best friend since childhood could be so close-minded and biased. Bike burned at the back of Semi’s throat; it was making him physically ill. 

“I love him, Ushijima! It’s not gross or weird! It’s how I feel!”

“I get that! I get it!” Ushijima yelled back. “It just makes me feel weird when you talk about it like that!”

“How many years have I had to listen to you talk about banging chicks?! And your ex?! Hell, I even had to watch you practically make love to Hinata on the dance floor that night you two met!”

Ushijima went bright red at that, and Semi struck. 

“He’s still the same person, Ushijima! He’s still Hinata, whatever he looks like.”

“I know that!” cried Ushijima. “Don’t you think it’s hard for me to see him as anything but that girl that I practically fell in love with and still miss all the time?! Don’t you think it’s hard for me to be friends with him and not see her every time he laughs?”

Semi stood now, chair skittering away behind him. He was furious. His hands shook so badly. He felt like he could vibrate out of his skin. “HE’S THE SAME PERSON!”

And then he grabbed the back of Ushijima’s head and pulled him into a scathing kiss. He was at first frozen, but when he started trying to push back, Semi climbed into his lap and kissed him more desperately, clinging to him. 

He’d meant to fix things but he was only making everything worse, but he didn’t care right now. Because he was finally, finally kissing Ushijima, really kissing him like he’d always wanted to. And he tasted just as good as he’d always dreamed he would. He felt just as perfect against his own body as he’d always hoped. And he couldn’t let go, so he tightened his hold and pressed closer and devoured Ushijima with his best kiss. Ushijima went slack against him when he realized fighting him off only made Semi hold on tighter, and that’s when Semi’s throat went a little dry and the kiss started tasting bitter. He pulled back, stared at Ushijima. 

“It’s just a kiss, Ushi,” he said with a shocking composure he didn’t feel, but it was so second nature that he almost didn’t have to try. 

“Don’t kiss other people if you love Hinata.”

Semi scoffed at that. Stood up and dusted himself off. “I do love him.”

He turned his head down and pursed his lips, anger at himself growing more pressing. “Please accept us, Ushijima. Don’t make us hide in front of our best friend.” He couldn’t meet Ushijima’s eyes anymore, not when his own were threatening to leak tears. 

“It’s fine, already,” Ushijima said, tired, broken. “I never... meant to make you two sad. Your relationship has nothing to do with my feelings.”

Semi’s lips twisted down bitterly. “Yeah, you’re right,” he lied. 

“Tell Hinata I’m sorry. And apologize to him for kissing me.”

“Okay, dad,” Semi said with a bitter laugh. He turned and walked to the door, but then he felt a hand pull him back. He whirled and planted solidly against a firm chest. Warm, big arms encircled him, and he wanted to cry. Stupid Ushijima, so unconventionally idiotic and kind. 

“Sorry, Semi. I’m sorry I was being stupid. I’m happy for you two.”

Semi clutched at the back of Ushijima’s shirt, let the hug last and wrap him up in warmth so unbelievably good. He wished Hinata was here, to be smooshed in between them or at their sides. It felt empty to not have him here, even though kissing and hugging Ushijima had always been dreams of his. He hated absolutely that it was impossible to make Ushijima fall in love with them. He hated that it felt so empty without him there. 

He loved Hinata, but he loved Ushijima, too, and it was a special kind of loneliness to have one, but both of them not have the other. 

He crawled home that night, chain smoking his pack of cigarettes. He had never been so glad to see Hinata sitting outside his apartment waiting for him. 

“Ushijima texted me an apology,” the redhead said. Semi led him inside and then he pulled Hinata into a tight hug. “You smell like him,” Hinata said in a surprised, shaky voice. 

“Why do you smell like him, Semi?”

“I kissed him. And he hugged me and apologized.” He laughed now, though he didn’t feel like it. “Isn’t he stupid?”

“So stupid,” whispered Hinata in a broken voice. 

Semi turned up his face and kissed him deeply. 

Loving them both was tearing him apart. 

x

“Don’t be stupid,” Hinata said with a smile on his face. He was watching Ushijima debate over small details of a client’s tattoo, which was currently still just a sketch on his desk. “It looks amazing.”

He was mesmerized by the glint of the lamps off Ushijima’s piercings. Ushijima was clueless as he fretted over two sketches that looked absolutely the same to Hinata. He’d been glad to find Ushijima seemed fine; his sigh of relief had released a rope of tension down his back. 

“See, the flowers here are not as rounded, and I feel like it gives the tattoo a sharper look, but maybe the rounder leaves are better after all?”

Hinata leaned closer. “They’re both gorgeous, Ushijima. Why don’t you ask your client which they like?” He traced his fingers softly over black ink. He wondered what it would feel like to have Ushijima tattoo him. 

“He’s says he doesn’t care; he trusts me! That’s the problem.”

“Well, where does he want the tattoo?” Hinata asked, pulling thoughtfully at his lip. 

“On his hip. It’s for his mother.”

Hinata glanced up, but Ushijima was still staring at his drawings with his eyebrows drawn together. It was infuriating that he was still so devastatingly cute like this. 

“You’re gonna tattoo a guy’s hip? How do you even do that?” he asked, waving at his crotch. 

Ushijima glanced at him for a second. “They hold a towel over their junk, or they wear a sock.” 

Hinata frowned, leaned back and tried not to be too jealous of a man getting to feel Ushijima’s hands on his hip. It was just his job. 

He scooted his feet into Ushijima’s lap when he hated that the man wasn’t paying him any attention at all. Ushijima regarded his feet for a moment before simply looking back up at his sketches, not even bothered. Hinata huffed and dug his heels between Ushijima’s thighs. He felt the warm press of his flaccid cock against his ankle, too many layers of clothes between for Hinata’s taste, but he let it go. He had Ushijima’s attention now. 

“What’s wrong, Hinata?”

Hinata smiled and rubbed at his jaw. “Would you give me a tattoo?”

Ushijima blinked. “Don’t just get one for no reason. It’s permanent.”

“I know that. I want you to permanently tattoo something on me.”

Ushijima huffed, looking a little annoyed that Hinata was taking this so lightly. But he really wasn’t. “What do you want, then?”

“I want you to design me whatever you want,” he said as he leaned forward, watching Ushijima. “Semi pierced my belly button, so I want you to give me a tattoo.”

“Hinata,” said Ushijima, exasperated. Hinata licked at his lips and suddenly Ushijima went very still. Hinata blinked in surprise. He slowly licked at his lips again. 

“What do you think?” he asked slowly. It was very obvious, though, to see what Ushijima was thinking about. Hinata slowly pulled his legs back from Ushijima’s lap and stood up over him. 

“Hey, I heard Semi kissed you,” he said, a little out of breath suddenly. Ushijima was watching him with confused olive eyes. “Should we make it even?”

Ushijima turned away and said, “That’s a bad idea, Hinata. You two need to stop going around and kissing everybody and focus on each other.”

Hinata sat back down and grabbed Ushijima’s shoulder with two hands, leaned his chin on them. “You know, I was really mad at Semi at first, because the whole reason he even approached me at all was because he was trying to look out for you.” It was a tiny fib, but Hinata wouldn’t just out his boyfriend like that, so it was fine. “I was so shocked when I found out that you two knew each other, that he wanted revenge on me for hurting and lying to you. I was really mad.”

He watched Ushijima with crystal blue eyes. Ushijima just stared ahead and listened. 

“Do you know why I was so angry?”

Ushijima softly shook his head. 

Hinata took a slow, long breath. He eased the grip of his hands on Ushijima’s shoulder and softened his voice. “Because I’d fallen in love with him, and he had rejected me in the worst way possible. Well, I didn’t really know it yet. I didn’t really know it until he came to me that night and apologized.” Hinata wanted to laugh. Saying it aloud made him realize how stupid he’d been. 

“I’m sorry,” said Ushijima quietly. Hinata smiled bright and sincere.

“Don’t be, Ushi. I’m glad, now, that everything happened how it did. Though I’m sorry that I lied to you.”

Ushijima shook his head again. “It’s... all right, Hinata.”

Hinata closed his eyes for a moment and rested in the happiness of Ushijima’s forgiveness and their heart-aching friendship. Then he leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to Ushijima’s cheek. He sat back slowly and folded his hands in his lap instead, smiling down at them so he wouldn’t have to look at Ushijima as he said his next words. 

“I know it’s a little weird for you, but please try to accept us and stay by our sides.” He swallowed and then said, “We both love you a lot.”

Ushijima turned to him and nodded, said, “I love you both too.”

And Hinata gave him a big smile, trying to stuff down the pain of that rejection in his heart. Because Ushijima didn’t mean what Hinata meant when he said “love”. He laughed as naturally as he could. “Never forget that you’re absolutely the best, Ushijima.”

Then, before he could loose his grip on his emotions, Hinata flitted up and away. “Love ya, big goof. Think about my tattoo,” he called over his shoulder, leaving Ushijima to sit silently.

Outside he pressed his palms to his eyes and begged the shaking in his knees to stop. He just wanted to be okay.

He wanted to be normal around Ushijima. Even if he lost the chance at a relationship, no matter how much that would gut him, he didn’t think he could ever stomach losing Ushijima’s friendship too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was exactly 5k words lol ^.^


	9. Please, For Me

The words still rang around in his head, and he couldn’t seem to get rid of them. He was starting to really feel like a third wheel around Hinata and Semi and he really disliked it. It wasn’t even their fault; he just couldn’t get over whatever this was that he was feeling. 

It wasn’t like anything had changed. Semi had always been gay, and Hinata had always been a guy. It was just, now he knew it too. But Semi was right, like always: they were still exactly the same people. And that’s where Ushijima’s real issues laid, he thought. 

He found himself actually doodling ideas for a tattoo for Hinata, but all he could think of was pretty, girly designs with lots of flowers and ribbons and sappy words from love songs in elegant, curly scripts. He balled up his tenth sketch and tossed it into his trash bin with an annoyed grunt. He could go home, since he didn’t have any more clients, so he packed up his things and headed out. He could go home, but instead he stopped at a small bar that even Semi didn’t know about. 

“Ushijima!” called the bartender in surprise, her eyes shining bright underneath her bangs. “It’s been way too long, hot stuff! Where have you been?”

She leaned heavy over the bar and Ushijima sat down heavily. “Hey, Saeko. Just working. Can I get my usual?”

“Sure, darling. Want some food?”

“That’d be great, actually. I can always count on you.”

Saeko grinned and patted his hand before stepping back to yell into the door behind the bar. “We’ve got some wings fresh made so they should be out soon,” she said to him.

“You’re an angel.”

Saeko laughed. “Tell my husband that.”

Ushijima grinned at her. It was really, really nice... to not be around Hinata and Semi for once and have to worry about his weird feelings about it. He leaned heavy on his hands and blinked blearily at the shelved alcohol behind the bar.

“Oh, no,” sighed Saeko suddenly, very close and quite loud. His eyes jerked up and he quickly glanced around the bar, but everyone else inside the small establishment sat at a booth, too far away to hear anything at all. “I know that look. It’s a bad look.”

She leaned forward, her boobs smooshed between her arms, and she frowned at him. “Talk to me, pretty boy.”

“I really don’t-“ he began to say, but she cut him off with an, “Ah, ah, ah!” He pressed his lips together and stared at her. “Just some friend issues,” was all he gave her in the end.

She tilted her head, all too knowingly. “Semi causing you grief again?” Saeko had been a senpai of theirs for a year in high school. She’d been some kind of mentor to the guys in the volleyball club; she was surprisingly knowledgeable about the game and its techniques, despite never really playing herself. But Ushijima had formed a rare friendship with her that had lasted through Saeko going to college only to get married and open a bar. And so, she knew a lot about his and Semi’s friendship over the years, and the pain it had caused him at times. 

“Always,” he said humorlessly. 

“More than usual, then?”

He took a long sip of his glass and nodded. “I mean, I found out he’s gay and now he’s got a boyfriend, too.”

“No way,” said Saeko sarcastically, her voice going breathy as she dragged her vowels out. 

“Yeah, yeah, I was the last to know, I get it.”

“I mean, buddy, I hate to say you’re stupid, but it was super obvious. So what does that have to do with you?”

“Absolutely nothing! But... it just doesn’t feel like that.” He sighed, back to staring into his cup. “I mean, it shouldn’t, right? But it’s weird being around him, both of them.”

“Weird, how?”

“Well, cause they’re... like...” He waved his hands and pulled at his hair, but in the end he didn’t know what to say. 

Saeko leaned heavy on her hands and sighed at him audibly. “So, Semi’s gay and you finally found out. Big whoop, Ushi! The boy’s been hella’ gay all his fucking life! He hasn’t changed a bit, so I think you need to examine your own self.”

There it was again. The honest truth stuffed in his face. “I know that perfectly well! But I can’t help how I feel, can I? And I really was starting to like Hinata as a friend, but Semi stole him away from me!”

Saeko stood up and blinked at Ushijima. She just stared at him for a really long time like she was waiting for him to get the punch line of a joke. Finally she crossed her arms under her breasts and sighed heavily. “Well, super good luck, Ushi, you big dummy.”

“Wha-?” he began, but she shoved a plate of wings towards him and he closed his mouth, watched her turn and walk away. 

He blinked down at his wings and wondered what he’d said wrong this time. 

x

It was hard to focus on Semi’s words or his face. Ushijima’s eyes kept getting pulled down to his neck and collar bone. Semi wore a loose-necked shirt, and Ushijima could barely take his eyes off his pale skin. 

“Should I put on a scarf?” Semi had finally huffed in annoyance, and Ushijima forced his eyes away from the huge purple bruises on Semi’s skin, looking almost beautiful in their color, dark red pin pricks in the center of each purplish flower. He swallowed hard and hated that those bruises made him feel this way. Semi seemed to collect them now, and no one else questioned it. Only Ushijima seemed to even notice. 

“Hinata’s been wondering where you’ve been. You haven’t come out with us or even texted him lately.”

Ushijima glanced guiltily at his trash bin full of discarded sketches and then back up at Semi. He could still hear Hinata’s voice in his head, saying those words. “Tell him I’m fine, just busy.”

Semi frowned but didn’t say anything else. His eyes had followed Ushijima’s down to the wastebasket when he’d looked, but he said nothing. 

When Ushijima left for the day, Semi snuck into his office and pulled the drawings from the bin. He spread them out and ran his finger gently over Hinata’s name scrawled on all the sketches in Ushijima’s handwriting. He sat down heavily and stared at the pictures for a long while, fingers tracing gently, lovingly over the outlines of pretty flowers and curled ribbons, thinking Ushijima had picked so well. Hinata would look gorgeous with a tattoo like that. 

It made him all together swell with pride and absolute frustration. He tugged his shirt over his bruised collar bone and sighed wearily. 

x

The bar was a little louder today, and Saeko didn’t notice him for a good few minutes, which was fine. He sat down wearily. The last few days had been trying, each next day worse than the last. Semi seemed to be collecting bruises like he was a wall perfect for graffiti, and each new bruise added to the collection of stones now resting heavy in Ushijima’s gut. He just needed an escape, and some alcohol, and this place was the only one he could think of that offered both. His quiet apartment meant his brain could think; here, it was shut up by the noise and distractions. When Saeko finally turned and spotted him, she beamed so wide that he was worried her face might split in half. She hustled over and softly smacked his hand, winking. 

“Hey, hey!”

He nodded to her, not in the mood to open his mouth to respond. 

“Usual?” she asked as she gave him a head tilt, and he nodded again. She raised her eyebrows but didn’t comment. She mixed his drink in silence. When she’d finished stirring it together, she leaned forward heavily and looked him dead in the eye. “Someone’s been asking about you,” she told him as she slid his drink to him. 

It took him a few seconds. If it was someone Saeko would bother telling him about, someone who knew about this place... “Shit,” he muttered under his breath.

Saeko nodded, but was distracted by something over his shoulder. “Speaking of...” she muttered as she walked away. Ushijima’s head shot up to look up after her, but it was already too late.

“Wakatoshi!”

Ushijima actually cringed. Very few people called him by his first name, and most of them he wouldn’t want to meet in this bar. He only turned his head slightly when he felt a shoulder bump against his own. His ex-girlfriend from high school stood there, grinning at him like she hadn’t broken his heart in the worst way five years ago. 

“Alisa,” he said calmly. She was still just as beautiful as she’d always been, her eyes as bright and big, and he still would admit that, despite everything, being with her had been some of the best years of his life. But all she left now was a bitter taste, memories tainted. She probably hadn’t meant to be so cruel, cultural difference or whatever, but that didn’t change the fact that she’d been stupid for letting him go like that. And he’d been stupid for falling in love with her at all.

At the mention of her name, she went all bright and cheery and she leaned against him as she sat down, pulling him unwillingly closer. “How did you get even more handsome?” she asked in wonder, eyes locked on his face. 

He shrugged away from her and regarded his drink. Maybe he didn’t need it, not when Alisa was around. That could lead to bad decisions probably. But when he looked at her and he thought about his current life, he decided it couldn’t be any worse and picked up his glass and downed the whole thing. 

“It’s been a while,” he said quietly as he pushed his glass slowly back towards Saeko. She glanced at it wordlessly and topped it off, giving him a look of warning, of “What Will Semi Say?” But he ignored her and turned to Alisa with his refilled glass. “How have you been?”

Alisa Haiba was still just the same as the girl he’d devastatingly fallen in love with in high school. It was almost ridiculous. He’d met her once and fallen instantly, and the second time, when they’d run into each other by chance, he hadn’t even thought twice before asking her out. He’d nearly fallen over when she’d agreed. The more they talked now and the more he drank, he wondered why she’d broken up with him, wondered where they’d be if she hadn’t. He knew exactly what Semi would say, but he slipped on the rose-colored glasses easily and pushed aside all the bad things about their relationship like they’d never happened. 

So he asked her. And she blinked at him in wide surprise, her lips pulling down a little in sadness. 

“I just- was stupid back then, and I thought it would be so hard for us when you went to college...” Then she shook her head and closed her eyes. “No, that’s not true. The truth is that I was a coward back then, honestly. I was petrified you’d break my heart when you left and so I thought if I broke it off first, I’d be less hurt.”

Ushijima stared at her with wide eyes. “Wha-?” he asked, dumbfounded. He could feel Saeko’s eyes on him across the bar but he couldn’t believe the words that had just come out of Alisa’s mouth, he shouldn’t believe them... But suddenly this meeting didn’t taste so bitter anymore. 

“Why would you think I’d break up with you?” he asked, suddenly too vulnerable and emotional. He glanced down at his hand and calculated which number drink this was. _Shit._

“Come on, Wakatoshi! You were young and hot and going to college-! Anyone would be worried-“ 

Her gorgeous eyes glimmered with tears and he was enraptured once again. Like a witch, she drew him in and put a spell on him. He grabbed her hand and pulled her suddenly closer, and when she relented to his tug, he leaned up and pressed their lips together. Nostalgia rushed through him like a tsunami, and he reached up into her silver hair and pulled her closer. She gave in so easily, sighed against his lips like she’d been starved. He knew exactly how dumb he was being, he knew what Semi would say as Saeko burned holes in the back of his head, probably already having her cell phone in hand to dial him. He knew everything, because memories came back like a flood. She’d always been so... But he couldn’t think with her lips against his and Saeko glaring at him. So he made an even stupider decision and whispered, “Let’s get out of here.”

They couldn’t get off each other even in the cab ride back to his place, and by the time they got through the door, he was already way too hot and horny to stand his clothes and hers any longer. They pulled each other out of the confines of fabric and stumbled to his bed like it hadn’t been ages. 

That night Ushijima made one of the worst mistakes of his life and he knew it. He almost savored the thought of Semi’s anger when he found out. Disgust and a desire to feel something crawled down his back as he washed himself in the shower, Alisa laying prone on his mattress amidst mussed sheets, more than likely still a little drunk. The alcohol in his own system wore off under the warm stream of water and his sanity began to return.

“Shit...” he whispered to himself, horrified. His hands shook as he grasped at his hair. 

God, he was an absolute idiot.

x

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Hinata walk past his door. Semi hadn’t said a word to him all day, and the two had kept themselves holed up in their respective areas of the shop. He watched Hinata glance at him, but he just leaned further over his table and tried to ignore it. The hickies on his neck from his regretful night with Alisa were all too vivid even amongst the black ink on his skin. Whatever reaction he’d craved from Semi, he hadn’t even considered how embarrassed he’d be when Hinata found out. 

_Shit._

He nearly startled out of his skin when Kiyoko knocked on his door to ask him for input on a design of hers, and she looked at him like he had three heads when he jumped a little from his chair. “What’s wrong with you?” she muttered as she walked forward. 

Hinata passed by his door again when he and Kiyoko were bent over her design, and once more a half hour later when he was with a customer. At one point, they caught eyes, but Hinata just turned his head down and walked past. Ushijima clenched his fist to keep from cursing in front of his client. Why did this feel so terrible. He hadn’t done anything wrong, not that Hinata knew of anyways. Unless Semi has blabbed about his history with Alisa, he shouldn’t be aware of how bad it was that he’d slept with her last night. So why did he feel so terribly guilty?

x

Hinata almost didn’t want to be here. Semi had called him over and had been a bit of an angry mess, but aside from hugging Hinata to death, he hadn’t said much. But Hinata wasn’t stupid, and he could tell something had happened between him and Ushijima. As the shop grew more and more empty as the day wore on, Hinata found himself once more walking past Ushijima’s room. This time, he found him sweeping his floor, headphones on, oblivious to the world. With a tug of his heart, Hinata’s feet stopped without his express permission, and he watched Ushijima silently. Feeling awkward for standing in the middle of the hallway, he took a few steps to his door frame to wait there instead.

Ushijima looked tired, but he was still so handsome as he concentrated fully on his task. Sometimes Hinata would spot him mouthing words to songs to himself, and he couldn’t help but smile fondly. He also hadn’t missed the numerous red hickies on his neck. Bitterness sat heavy in his stomach at the sight of them. He gently fingered at his own, the ones Semi had colored him with. He wanted to cover Ushijima’s skin with his own marks, to cover those left by whoever Ushijima had dragged home last night. His teeth ached possessively, and he licked at them to still their hunger. 

When Ushijima finally noticed him, he seemed startled, but he quickly hid his surprise as he pulled off his headphones and slowly moved to pause his music on his phone. He finished sweeping and set his broom aside, and finally he turned to Hinata, who was still just watching him quietly. 

“Hey,” Hinata said after a long silence when it seemed Ushijima wouldn’t speak first. He smiled at the other. “Can I come in?”

Ushijima glanced at him, eyes lingering on Hinata’s blue. “I didn’t think that was actually a thing that you needed to ask.”

Hinata chuckled and grinned. Was it a joke or was Ushijima serious; it seemed almost out of character considering the situation. “It’s not. It’s just polite. 

“And I can tell when someone doesn’t really want to see me,” he added.

Ushijima cringed a little at that, and Hinata felt a stab in his heart at it, knowing his guess had been correct. He stepped inside anyways, moved to stand by Ushijima’s desk, two fingers tapping softly against the surface. Ushijima walked over and sat down in his chair, mindlessly straightening his papers as he waited for Hinata to say something else.

But all Hinata could do was stare in disbelief at the dark bruises, marks of claimed territory on Ushijima’s neck. When he leaned over and his shirt fell open, Hinata spotted more down his chest. He bit at his lips in anger. He had no right to feel so possessive. But when Ushijima gasped softly because Hinata had pressed his cold finger to one of the hickies, he startled back to the present. He frowned and fought the urge to press a little harder at the bruise. Instead, he circled it softly with the pad of his index finger. 

“Did you have fun last night?” When Ushijima didn’t respond, Hinata chose instead, “Is that why Semi is upset with you?”

Ushijima’s head jerked slightly, his eyes rolling towards Hinata. The redhead hated this; all he wanted to do was kiss Ushijima and leave his own marks, his own much more visible and permanent than those weak hickies. He licked his tongue slowly over his own teeth. 

“It has nothing to do with him, and I’m sorry he dragged you into it.”

“Okay,” breathed Hinata, letting his hurt out slowly. “I was just worried that it was unprofessional to have your marks so visible,” Hinata said past a turmoil of emotions. 

Ushijima turned slowly towards him, staring up at him for a long time. Hinata pulled his hand away and tried to indiscreetly cover his own neck, but Ushijima caught his arm before he could, and he tugged Hinata down closer. His eyes were like small fires, and Hinata felt the heat of them in his gut. He swallowed dryly at being so close to Ushijima, to his fire. 

“And what about you and Semi? These hickies are mosquito bites compared to what you leave on him. Don’t you think it’s bad manners to mark your boyfriend like that, too?”

A big finger came up and pressed at Hinata’s neck, but Ushijima, unlike Hinata, had no reservations about pressing hard at a bruise on his neck. Hinata grimaced, not so much from the pain, but from the look in Ushijima’s eyes. “Does it make you uncomfortable, Ushijima?” he asked past his dry throat, the words scratchy. 

“I don’t care about it,” Ushijima said quickly, and Hinata was shocked to note how much that sounded like a lie. He pulled back slowly and watched Ushijima carefully. Then he turned and walked across the room. 

“Hinata-“

Hinata turned when he’d grabbed a chair. He wheeled it over slowly, Ushijima’s eyes locked on his. He looked a little embarrassed, but it was hard to tell with the man of so few faces. Hinata sat down in front of him and pressed his lips together for a moment. 

“Ushijima,” he began slowly. “Does it bother you? When Semi and I are together? That we’re flirty sometimes? That we leave... evidence on each other?”

Ushijima sat up straight and turned slowly back to his desk, straightening papers that were already cleaned away. “Why should it bother me?” he asked in the most non-answer Hinata had ever heard. 

“It shouldn’t,” Hinata said. “Unless you’re lying about something.”

He watched Ushijima’s shoulders freeze, his whole body go stiff. 

“Ushijima, does it bother you that Semi’s gay? That we’re dating?”

“No!” Ushijima said with a huff of frustration. “I mean, definitely not in the way that you’re thinking.”

Hinata breathed slowly. “You’ve known Semi for a long time,” he treaded slowly. “It must have been a little shocking then.”

“Yeah, it was! Thank you!” Ushijima was still staring holes into his desk, leaning heavy against it. Hinata watched the way his arms flexed under his shirt. 

“And the fact that you thought I was a girl, that we flirted, and yet I ended up with Semi as a guy.”

Ushijima’s lips twisted. “You’re making it sound like I’m hung up on you.”

Hinata frowned. “Are you?” he asked quietly, breathlessly. He didn’t know if he wanted the answer to that, but he needed it, probably.

“I’m hung up on the fact that who I thought you were never even existed,” he said instead, cryptically. Thick fingers tapped impatiently at his desk. He wouldn’t meet Hinata’s eyes anymore. 

“I’m still the same,” Hinata blurted out, begging his emotions to stay calm. He bit again at his lip. A copper taste slid over his tongue, but he ignored it. 

“I know that!” Ushijima said loudly. “I know!”

Silence settled uncomfortably around them. 

“Ushijima, I-“ Hinata began quietly, too quiet. Then louder, “I love Semi. I really love him. And I want you to be okay with that. Because I’m not going anywhere. _We’re_ not going anywhere.”

Why couldn’t Ushijima just get it?

Ushijima seemed to be thinking long and hard. “I don’t care about the PDA or you being gay together or whatever,” he said finally, like he was still trying to work out his feelings into words, and it was hard for him. It wasn’t like he used his words much anyways. 

“I don’t care,” he repeated. “But I just-“

Hinata pushed himself forward on rolling wheels and grabbed around the other’s thick neck. He couldn’t stand this any longer. He pressed his face into Ushijima’s neck as he hugged him tightly. Ushijima felt like a statue and it made his heart hurt. Slowly, however, he unstiffened and grabbed at Hinata’s elbow with his fingertips, gently. It made Hinata’s heart break. He couldn’t help the tears that came. 

“I love you, Ushijima.”

He felt Ushijima breathe against him, soft, quiet, silent. He tightened his arms and said it again softer. Then, “I want you to be okay, to hang out with us again. I miss you.”

Ushijima’s fingers slowly slid to a full palm hold, and his hand slipped up Hinata’s arm to his back. He twisted in his chair and hugged Hinata, and the redhead wanted to cry harder. Why couldn’t his words and his actions mean to Ushijima what they meant to him? How had Semi survived all these years when Hinata was already ready to confess it all after a few weeks?

He slowly pulled away from Ushijima and wiped his tears away. He cast his eyes down as he sat back again, and that’s when he saw the discarded drawings in the trash. One word caught his eye, a name. He sank down and moved to pull the papers from the trash can, glanced up when Ushijima made a small sound. 

“Don’t,” the other said, eyes wide. Were these the drawings Semi had mentioned? He slowly pulled them out and spread them on Ushijima’s desk, uncrumpling them carefully with small hands. Now he could see his name clearly written on them. 

“For me?” he asked softly, wet eyes drifting back to Ushijima. 

“They’re not good, just doodles. It’s not like I was serious about designing you a tattoo...”

But Hinata’s smile stopped his words, made them drop off to silence. Hinata’s whole face hurt from how wide he smiled. 

“They’re beautiful, Ushi!” He turned back to the papers and carded through them, tracing lines and blinking back tears. “Is this what you think of when you see me?”

Ushijima huffed. “It’s too feminine. Sorry.”

Hinata blinked up at him in surprise. “So?”

“Well, I don’t know, you’re a guy.”

Hinata paused for a moment and then giggled. “You already know I can be a lot of different things.”

He stood then, drawings clutched in one hand as he grabbed Ushijima’s hand with his other, pulled it to his hip bone. “Will you tattoo this on me here?”

Ushijima stared up at him for a long time, and then down at where his hand rested, Hinata’s atop his own, so small against his big hand. He glanced up again. 

Hinata nearly shivered out of his skin when he felt Ushijima caress his thumb over his hip bone. He probably didn’t even realize he was doing it, the idiot, but Hinata could feel the clear pressure shift as his thumb moved slowly over Hinata’s clothed skin. It kept going until he’d worked his thumb under Hinata’s shirt, and he froze when his finger hit cool skin. He blinked up at Hinata, lips pressing slowly together. Hinata watched him, breathless. 

“Ushijima...?” he whispered like he was scared to break what was happening if he spoke too loud. “It’s okay,” he hushed, his voice shaky. 

Ushijima’s thumb stuttered for a moment on his skin, and then he stroked slowly over Hinata’s hip, warmth trailing where his finger touched. He slowly worried a depression into Hinata’s skin, his eyes cast down. Hinata quietly stepped closer, and he could have sworn he heard Ushijima catch his breath. 

_Oh, fuck_ , thought Hinata. _I want to kiss him so badly. I love him so much._

_Idiot! Get it already!_

But Ushijima wouldn’t, couldn’t seem to. So Hinata just leaned down and cupped his face, and kissed him instead, slow, meaningful. Ushijima’s hand trembled on Hinata’s hip; he shivered a little against Ushijima’s lips as that hand slid a little to his back. Hinata pressed the kiss deeper at what he read as encouragement, his heart soaring, until Ushijima clenched his fist against his skin. But Hinata just shut his eyes and kissed him deeper, his own thumb now stroking over Ushijima’s cheek. 

“Please, Ushijima,” he whispered when he finally pulled back, eyes still closed and forehead pressed to Ushijima’s. His words meant so many things, but he said simply, “Tattoo me.”

A voice called his name and he pulled slowly away, his hand still on Ushijima’s face as he turned to look at Semi with tears in his eyes. The other just stared back at him, face betraying nothing, but the pain in his eyes that matched Hinata’s was clear to see. He just waited patiently as Hinata turned back to Ushijima, presses his discarded drawings against his large chest. 

“Please, Ushijima,” he whispered again as his hand slipped away, eyes on Ushijima’s olive ones. Ushijima’s hand jerked and slid away from his hip. Ushijima glanced at Semi and called his name out in a choked voice. 

Semi just gave him a tiny smile and said, “You should do it, Ushijima. It’s a perfect tattoo for Hinata.”

Hinata slid his hand into Semi’s as he walked past him and slowly pulled him away. Ushijima’s eyes watched them go, and Hinata was sure he’d spend the night tonight curled against Semi and crying. He regretted kissing him, because it didn’t feel like it did anything to get his feelings across, and what was the point of a one-sided kiss? He rubbed at his lips with his thumb; he regretted it, but that kiss still meant the world to him. He’d certainly do it again if he had to go back. 

They silently gathered their things and Semi took him home. He undressed Hinata and himself and pulled him under the covers against his tall body. They didn’t speak; they didn’t need to. Semi held him tight and kissed his bruised neck until Hinata fell asleep. And then Semi rolled out of bed and called Ushijima.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so soft for the three of them /sobs
> 
> All the HQ boys are precious beans but some just shine a little brighter ;)


	10. What Went Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I was at a concert lol

Semi sat at a table on a small patio behind a coffee shop, the one Hinata had sat at waiting for Ushijima to forgive him. It was still fairly cold out, so Semi was all alone outside, which is what he needed. He’d called Ushijima last night, but the coward hadn’t picked up, had texted later that they should meet here. 

It was Semi’s precious day off work, and now he was sitting here waiting for Ushijima to show up so he could throw down. He tapped his fingers against the metal table and frowned deeply into the palm of his other hand. The chair hurt his back from how he was sitting, but it reflected his mood so he didn’t move. Not until a hand grazed over his shoulder and Ushijima sat down in the chair opposite him. Semi glared at him with brown eyes, his frown growing impossibly deeper against his hand. 

“Sorry I missed your call last night,” Ushijima said. Semi just rolled his eyes. “How’s Hinata?”

Semi actually pulled his hand away from his mouth for that one. “He’s fine.” He didn’t think Hinata would want him to mention how he cried himself to sleep in Semi’s arms. 

“I’m glad you’re wearing a scarf,” Ushijima said quietly, and so Semi took it off. It was cold, but he was spiteful and angry, so he would bear it. Ushijima just blinked at him, his face screaming that he should have known. “You’re a real brat sometimes, Semi.”

“Well, you’re an imbecile, so I guess we’re a good pair.”

Ushijima sat back slowly in his chair and nodded. “What did I do this time?” he said quietly, his tone betraying very well that he already knew what. 

“I can’t believe you really have such huge balls, Ushi,” Semi said, gritting his teeth. Because yes, he was super angry, but mostly he was just upset. Upset at Ushijima for being so damn stupid, to walk straight into a trap that would only hurt him. “Of all the girls in the world, if you wanted to fuck someone cause you were lonely, why the fuck did it have to be your psycho ex?”

Ushijima’s face shifted to offense. “She’s not psycho-“

Semi shut him up with a single look. “She fucking tore you to pieces. Don’t lie to me, Ushijima. I saw the aftermath.”

Ushijima didn’t have anything to say to that. He shifted in his seat, laid his chin in his propped up hand and turned to look to the side. After a long moment of Semi collecting more hurt and anger, Ushijima said quietly. “I knew it was going to be a really bad idea. I knew you were going to be angry at me.” He looked at Semi from the corner of his eye.

“But you did it anyways,” Semi finished for him in disbelief. 

“Yeah.” It was so simple, the god-honest truth, that Semi couldn’t help but shake his head. He mussed up his hair in frustration and growled at Ushijima. 

“Then why’d you do it, you idiot? You know she’s not going to leave you alone, right?”

Ushijima was still staring at Semi from the corner of his eyes. Slowly he turned his face and laid his cheek instead against his palm, face angled as he stared at Semi. “Maybe I don’t want to be left alone.”

Semi swallowed that with ungrateful dignity. He felt his anger shake him and his composure rattle. He wanted to strangle Ushijima and hold him tight. He wished he had Hinata’s calm, but he didn’t; he was over the moon with anger. He bit it down physically, teeth digging into his bottom lip. “Why, Ushijima?”

“I don’t know, Semi. You tell me.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Semi whisper-shouted in anger. His eyes were wide, fingers gripping tight on metal armrests. He’d jump out of his chair and across the table if it wasn’t for that. 

“Am I not allowed to find someone to be with? You’ve got Hinata, and I don’t want to be your third wheel forever.”

“But why the fuck did you choose _Alisa_?!” His knuckles were angry white now, his lip screaming in pain. _Hinata, I need your sanity._ “Literally anyone else-!”

“Because she was there, and I was lonely!” It was amazing how cooly he said it. 

“You know what, what’s your problem with Hinata and I? Ever since we’ve started dating, you’ve been acting like we’re personally hurting your feelings. So what, fucking Alisa was some kind of revenge on me? Or maybe you wanted my attention? I’m allowed to date, Ushijima.”

And then he said what he could never take back. “If you won’t date me, I’m allowed to go out with whoever the fuck I want. Don’t regret your dumb ignorance now.”

Ushijima blinked at him, so clueless that it physically hurt Semi. “Why would I... date you?” he uttered in ultimate confusion. 

Semi wanted to stand up and walk away. His toes curled in his boots and he angrily wrapped his scarf back around his neck to hide his trembling lips. He crossed his arms and fisted his hands, leaning back against his chair, watching Ushijima. He could tell Ushijima to forget it, and he might. He could lie, and Ushijima would most likely believe him. But then he remembered Hinata laying on his bed last night crying, and he couldn’t do either of those things. Instead he said, “Just use your head for once in your life, Ushijima. It’s not like we’ve been subtle about our feelings.”

“What the crap does that even mean, Semi?”

“What the crap does you sleeping with Alisa mean, Wakatoshi?” Semi fired back. 

“I don’t know,” said Ushijima said even as he cringed at the use of his first name. 

“Well, apparently, according to you, it’s got something to do with me, so figure it out.” Semi stood and grabbed his coffee cup. “And figure out why you can’t be cool with Hinata and I, cause I’m not going to do this again the next time you make a dumb ass decision because of it. If you can’t deal with our relationship, do us all a favor and figure out how to.”

“And give Hinata his fucking tattoo,” he said over his shoulder as he walked away. 

x

Semi had been quiet all evening, and it was unsettling for Hinata, because it wasn’t his usual quiet, where he’d sometimes be caught by Hinata watching him, and then he’d smile at Hinata like the redhead was his whole world. But now Semi was moody and quiet, and he kept his head down, and not once did Hinata look up to find Semi watching him. 

He hated to be so easily dismayed, but it was upsetting. He missed Semi’s smile. When Semi announced unceremoniously that he was going to bed, Hinata sat stunned for a long while that there hadn’t even been an invitation for Hinata to join him, which always, always happened. He stood up woodenly and moved to the bathroom to take a shower, watching Semi slowly undress in a corner of his bedroom. 

“I’m going to go take a shower, but I’ll be in bed soon,” he said to basically the air. He closed the bathroom door behind him and sighed. 

Semi had only mentioned that he was meeting up with Ushijima that morning, but he hadn’t said anything about why. All Hinata knew was that Semi was... in a mood now. And he was curious. 

He rinsed his whole body off, taking extra care with his backside, and then he wrapped himself in a fluffy towel to dry as he blow dried his hair. He didn’t usually care; it wasn’t like vampires could catch a cold from going to bed with wet hair, but he didn’t want to drip everywhere when he went to go seduce Semi. 

When he was all dried, he dropped his towel in a corner of the bathroom and stepped back into the bedroom in his birthday suit. Semi lay spread out atop the covers, face down, also butt naked, his only good sign so far that Semi would be receptive to his flirt. He crept silently across the floor and to the foot of the bed, and then he slowly crawled up it, careful to be as unnoticeable as possible until he lighted his lips against Semi’s right calf. He heard the smallest little hum, smooshed into pillows, but there it was, and it made him smile. 

He kissed his way slowly up Semi’s leg, his ass and the small of his back. He left a few hickeys in his favorite areas as he went; it was rare for him to be given the opportunity to just admire Semi’s form without the other being so needy he’d stop Hinata half way. But now Semi lay silent and willing (hopefully), and Hinata was going to milk this for all he could. In the areas that he knew Semi was sensitive in, he would softly nibble at his skin, making sure not to break it with his fangs. When he got to Semi’s arms, he lifted a hand to run it up one, making his way upwards. And then he put one knee on either side of Semi’s hips and pressed his lips to Semi’s bare neck, and as he sank down against his ass, he sank his teeth into the blond’s neck. 

There was something amazing that happened to a vampire’s saliva when they were looking for a sexual experience instead of food when biting a human. The effect was always instantaneous; it was like a natural aphrodisiac for the human. While there were always pleasant feelings associated with a bite from a vampire, these bites were very rare, considering most vampires never really needed sex, and chose to live solitary lives for the most part due to their lifespans. Even Semi had never experienced one before. His sweet little moan that he couldn’t even hope to suppress sent a deep shiver down Hinata’s spine as he drank slowly from his boyfriend. 

His erection pressed between Semi’s ass cheeks and he slowly began to grind himself there. He’d never really thought to ask, but as Semi began to roll his hips up, as Hinata began to grind against his asshole, he wondered if Semi would like getting fucked. Maybe in his head he’d always imagined Semi on top with Ushijima, because his personality was so dominating in the bedroom, but now he thought about Semi being the one on bottom and it made his heart speed up and his mouth water. He licked at Semi’s neck to clean his wound as he kissed small kisses up his neck to his ear to ask huskily, “Have you ever thought about it, Semi? Me fucking you?”

Semi slowly turned his face on the pillow, his eyes not looking at Hinata, but the redhead could tell he was very in tune to him right now. Hinata traced a finger over the dips of muscle under his skin and kissed at his ear and cheek as he waited. 

“I think about it a lot, actually,” Semi finally said softly, his voice husky beyond belief, and Hinata couldn’t help but let out a long, low moan, his hips pressing hard against Semi’s. Then he laughed.

“Fuck, I even prepped my ass for you, but now I want to-“

Semi rolled over under Hinata and nodded at him. He looked so beautiful like this, hair spread over his pillow, arms above his head and spread too. Hinata sat up a little and admired him. “You can, Hinata.” He pursed his lips and corrected in a small voice, “Actually, I’d like that.”

The tone caught Hinata’s attention. He looked up at Semi’s face and was dismayed to find the saddest look there, on his lips, in his eyes. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked quietly. He wanted to kiss his troubles away, but he didn’t think it would do anything at all but distract Semi from his problem. He laid himself against Semi’s chest and reached for the lube he kept by his bedside, slicking up two fingers as he moved one of Semi’s legs up for better access. Semi tilted his hips and pressed his cheek to his pillow, fingers coming to his mouth as if to press his lips closed from spilling secrets. 

“I’ll tell you after. Just, please, Hinata. Make love to me.”

His broken voice tore Hinata apart, but he was all too happy to oblige his love. He slowly worked Semi open, thinking it might be his first time, or at the very least it had been a long while. When Semi began shifting uncomfortably, he pressed his lips against Semi’s pulse at his neck and hummed in question. Semi nodded and keened softly, reaching an arm around Hinata’s back to sink his hand into soft, red hair. Hinata licked his teeth and sank them slowly into Semi, his whole body singing at the angelic sigh that slipped past his lips. Slowly, Semi began to give him sweet little sighs and moans as he worked him open slowly with two fingers, three. 

“I can’t wait much longer,” he husked against Semi’s neck when he’d done all the stretching he thought Semi needed. He pulled off the other a little to look at his face, but Semi wouldn’t look at him. He softly kissed his boyfriend’s cheek. “Do you want me to wear a condom?”

Semi shook his head, but he still said softly, “It’s up to you.”

Hinata nuzzled against his neck and breathed, “That’s not really a hard choice.” And then he slid bare back into Semi’s ass. He gripped a hand under Semi’s knee to hold his leg aloft, and he closed his eyes as tight pressure closed around him in the most blissful way. 

Semi’s lips were white as he pressed them together to hold in embarrassing sounds, so Hinata began kissing his body again, loosening him up by spending time sucking hickeys into Semi’s neck and chest and along his sides where his ribs fluttered. Semi melted under him, soft noises slipping past loosening lips. Hinata wanted more, always more, so he sat back on his knees and lifted Semi’s ass up by his legs, folded him over, and sank deep inside as he bent over the other man. Semi’s eyes snapped open wide and he let out the most beautiful moan. Hinata gave him a seductive hum in return. 

“Semi,” he crooned. “Darling.”

Brown eyes peeked at him, pale cheeks going a little rosy. Hinata smiled sweetly at him, nuzzled his nose against those warm cheeks. 

“I love you so much. I adore you.”

Semi nodded, his eyes closing as his lips pressed together in a tight line. But Hinata detected the small tremble in his chin, and his kissed down along Semi’s jaw line. 

“Can I kiss you?” he breathed against him. Semi nodded once and slowly turned his face towards Hinata. 

His brown eyes snapped open and he reached up to cup Hinata’s face. He was so, so beautiful that it stole the redhead’s breath away. Semi kissed him before the words could reach his lips, though, and he rolled his hips in response. Semi’s kisses were always, always the best. 

He scrapped his teeth over a soft bottom lip and licked into his mouth, drinking in Semi and intoxicating him with his aphrodisiac. Semi took him in willingly, curled his tongue around Hinata’s. He slid one hand down Hinata’s back, fingers feeling lovingly over cool skin and barely-there muscle, over jutting shoulder blades and a bony spine. Hinata shivered against his lips. 

“Soon,” Semi hushed. His breathing was hot and panting, a little shaky at times when Hinata hit him just right inside, and Hinata himself didn’t think he’d last much longer when Semi was this warm and tight around him, so good. 

“Baby, come for me,” he sang against red lips. He sat up a little to admire all the places Semi had been marked as his tonight. He sped up his hips, stirred on by the sight of Semi ruined beneath him. He was still so absolutely beautiful, hair splayed out, face blissed out, the smallest little smile on his lips like he’d finally forgotten his worries. And then he parted his ruby lips and let out the most adorable sound, a little moaning sigh, as he came between their bellies and went tight around Hinata’s cock.

The redhead choked in surprise as his orgasm hit him just like that, and he came with a breathy cry of relief. He sank down to Semi’s neck, and before the other could come down from his high, he sank his teeth in once more and drank from his lover, his sweet, post-orgasmic nectar.

Semi sighed happily as he sank deeper into the bed, and Hinata licked his wound clean before standing to clean off. Finally he felt Semi’s eyes on him, warm and happy. And when he turned, Semi was smiling at him like Hinata was his whole world. He froze in his tracks and felt tears race down his cheeks. 

“I love you so much,” he choked out before ducking into the bathroom to clean off and get a washcloth for Semi. 

He cleaned him off reverently, until Semi pulled him down against his chest, hugged him close. 

“Sorry about today,” he said against fluffy red hair. 

Hinata was silent. There was nothing to forgive, so he didn’t say anything. “Will you tell me what happened?” he asked instead when Semi’s heart beat had settled in his chest. It was a soft thumping that always reminded Hinata how alive Semi was, and how badly he wanted to keep him that way. He knew absolutely how fucked he was when he heard that sound and realized he’d die if one day he couldn’t ever hear it again. 

He wanted to know what Ushijima’s heart sounded like, so he could really ruin himself. 

A hand began stroking through his hair and at his scalp, Semi staring up at the ceiling silently for a long while. Hinata let him collect his thoughts. 

“There’s this girl that Ushijima dated for a long while in high school. She was the sister of a friend of a friend, that kind of thing. She was really pretty, but you can imagine how I felt, one, when I found out Ushijima had gotten his first girlfriend, and two, when I realized that he was oblivious to all of her glaring faults. She was so good at pretending to be innocent, but Ushijima began to change. He became moody and depressed, talking like she was the only thing that made him happy. I confronted him when I’d had enough, but it turns out she’d already done my job for me. She broke up with him, left him in the dust when she knew absolutely how smitten he was. She ran away from him for a reason she didn’t even care to give, and I was left to pick up Ushijima in pieces.”

Semi blinked at the ceiling, and when it looked like he was done talking, Hinata asked softly, “So what happened this morning then?”

“Oh,” Semi said. Hinata had never heard so much pain and frustration in his voice. And then the other laughed, bitterly. “Can you imagine my surprise when one of our mutual friends called me and said, “Hey, Alisa’s back and Ushijima’s taken her home from my bar”.”

Hinata sat up slowly, Semi’s heart having sped up a little in his hurt and anger. He leaned over the other and watched his face attentively, made sure he was the only thing Semi could see. 

“Can you imagine, Hinata?” Semi’s lip trembled again. “What have I been doing wrong? When all I’ve ever wanted was to give Ushijima the best things, my love, all the affection he deserves in the world, and he chooses instead to crawl back to the only person who treated him like absolute dirt, a toy.”

Hinata didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have Semi’s history with Ushijima, but he could imagine it, somehow. But saying that wouldn’t help anything. He turned his head and stared at his photo of Kageyama. He asked the other what he should do, because he was sure he knew what that ache felt like. He was also fairly sure Kageyama had been to blame. He’d forgotten everything, but heartbreak always lingered, didn’t it? He leaned back down over Semi and kissed his chest, just above his heart. 

He swore he would do anything to make Semi happy. Before Ushijima broke Semi’s heart again, he would spell it out for the other. He looked down at Semi and swore he would fix this, whatever it took. All he wanted was for his handsome boyfriend to smile again, even if it meant sacrificing a little pride.


	11. I Wish I Had More Time (To Love You)

Hinata was a mess of nerves. Ushijima had called him to ask if he still wanted the tattoo, wondering when would be a good time for him to give Ushijima four or five hours to get it done. Sitting alone with Ushijima at his hip for that long gave him heart palpitations, but he wanted it so badly. He wanted to be forever branded by something that Ushijima had drawn while thinking of him. 

He’d told Ushijima he could stop by tonight after the shop officially closed, and Ushijima had said he was good with working late. Hinata didn’t tell Semi; he wanted it to be a surprise, but he also didn’t want to have the man breathing down his neck. And maybe he could muster up the courage to apologize for that kiss if he was alone, though he wouldn’t really mean it.

Ushijima sat in front of the leather covered bed, Hinata sitting atop it. He laid out his finalized sketch. His voice was worried and on edge when he asked Hinata, “Do you really like it? You can tell me the truth.”

Hinata was speechless for a good long while as he stared at the sketch. He wanted to cry again. Ushijima had added some shooting stars behind the flowers, the colors of a beautiful sunset behind it. He wanted to know if that’s really how Ushijima saw him or if they were just stylistic choices at this point. 

When he didn’t respond, Ushijima said, defeated, “You don’t like it.”

Hinata grabbed his hand as he pulled away, shaking his head. “No! It’s just... is that how you see me?”

Ushijima shrugged, confused. “Yeah.”

“It’s beautiful. Really?”

“Well, cause you’re-“ He stopped there, lips pressing together when he realized what he’d been about to say, but Hinata’s whole body quaked with the need to hear it. 

“I’m what?”

“You’re... beautiful, so...”

Hinata couldn’t breathe. He quietly laid down on the bed and pulled his shirt up a little and pants down, showing his bikini briefs. “I want it here, please,” he breathed quietly, in awe, scared to break Ushijima as he ran his hand up his left hip. 

“You’ll have to take one leg of your... underwear off,” Ushijima said, glad Hinata hadn’t dwelled on his compliment, but also startled by Hinata’s underwear choice. 

Hinata couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Sorry, they’re just really comfy,” he giggled. 

“No,” said Ushijima. “It’s fine.” His voice betrayed that he thought it was a little more than fine. 

Hinata wiggled one leg of his underwear off as Ushijima turned sharply away, and then he lay back down, hands over his crotch to hold his briefs up. Usually he wouldn’t care, but he wanted Ushijima to be at his best, so he told himself to be nice. It really showed how much he liked Ushijima, he thought. 

Ushijima turned back around and examined his hip, running a hand over it to check for hair. “You’re so smooth,” he said in surprise. “Do you.. shave?” He blinked like the concept was foreign. 

“No, I’ve just never had that much hair on my legs.” It was a vampire thing, actually, but he didn’t say that. 

Ushijima still pulled out a razor. “I still have to shave you.”

“That’s fine,” Hinata said with a smile. 

“How do you want it positioned?”

Hinata hummed and looked at the design. He placed his hand on his hip and shifted it around, trying to imagine the tattoo there. “If you angle it, like this?”

“It’ll... be a little on your butt, and here,” Ushijima said slowly as he waved around Hinata’s crotch. 

Hinata laid his head down and smiled at Ushijima. “That’s how I want it. I think it’ll be really sexy.”

“Yeah,” said Ushijima, stunned, not thinking about what he was saying probably. 

“What do you think?”

Ushijima nodded slowly. “Aesthetically, that will look the best.”

And Hinata smiled to himself as Ushijima shaved his left ass cheek and half his crotch, his lips going a little white and tight in embarrassment, and Hinata thought it was the cutest thing ever. When he was done, Ushijima stood and hovered over him, holding his paper aloft to determine size and angling. 

“Do you want it bigger? I can scan it and print it bigger.”

“Yeah,” breathed Hinata, excitement thrumming through his veins. He placed brackets on his skin with his two hands. “This big? Or is that too much?”

Ushijima shook his head, and Hinata could tell he was fully in professional mode now. “Do you want color? It’ll take more time. Maybe even two sessions.”

Hinata nodded and pointed at the sketch. “I want that sunset color.”

Ushijima nodded and said he’d be right back. He walked out of his small room and Hinata laid back down, closing his eyes slowly. Ushijima had barely touched him, but he was already trying to fight off a boner. He’d have to really concentrate while Ushijima was tattooing him. He pressed his hands over his flaccid cock as a warning. Then he shivered in anticipation. 

Ushijima came back silently and began applying his stencil to Hinata’s hip. He’d had to split it into two sheets, and he worked with such a beautifully concentrated look on his face. Hinata lay very, very still as he watched him, in awe. When he was done, Ushijima walked him over to a mirror. The purple outline of the ink was already beautiful against his pale skin. He wanted to cry again; he was sure he’d want to every time he looked at his tattoo. It would always remind him of Ushijima. 

“Perfect,” he whispered reverently, and Ushijima nodded and led his back to the table. Hinata laid himself back down on it. 

“You can put your headphones on if you want to listen to something while I work. I know it can be boring to just lay there.” 

But Hinata shook his head and smiled. “If I get bored, I’ll just talk to you.”

Ushijima gave a funny little smile at that, nodding awkwardly. He set to work and the room noise settled into nothing but the buzz of the gun. It hurt, like a dull aching pain, but the warmth of Ushijima’s hands on him, even through gloves, made it easy to block it out and enjoy it. Hours flew past with only Ushijima asking once in a while if he needed a break. 

“I’m good,” Hinata promised every time. 

His dick began pressing against his hand at some point. He closed his eyes and the buzz lulled him. Fragmented pictures floated behind his eyes as he daydreamed. He didn’t even realize he’d been dozing off until Ushijima whispered to him urgently, “Hinata, your underwear.”

Hinata realized suddenly that Ushijima had stopped tattooing him, that he was sitting back and staring wide-eyed at his crotch. Hinata’s hands had slipped to the table and his underwear was barely clinging on to his erection. 

“Oh,” he simply murmured softly. He cupped a hand over his cock. “Does it make you uncomfortable?”

“No... I was just wondering if you were some kind of sadist,” Ushijima said half-jokingly, mostly-awkwardly. 

Hinata laughed softly anyways. “Well, I do have a high pain tolerance, but I can tell you it has nothing to do with the tattoo.”

Ushijima blinked at him, and for the first time Hinata thought he was beginning to understand some things. He turned his eyes back to Hinata’s hip like he couldn’t look at the other’s face anymore. 

After another half hour and Hinata’s dick not deflating, Ushijima said quietly, “You have a boyfriend, Hinata.”

“And he takes care of me really well,” Hinata said to Ushijima’s side profile. He had his head laid on his folded arm, and he watched Ushijima. His hands only stalled for a moment at Hinata’s words, ever stoic. 

Another half hour, and Hinata added, “And one can like more than one person, Ushijima.”

Ushijima stopped completely at that and stood. “My hand’s getting sore so I need a break. Do you want to take care of yourself before we continue? Or maybe just some cold water?”

Hinata sat up slowly, a little awkward for avoiding pressing anything against his left hip. Ushijima watched his hip carefully, almost like he didn’t dare look at any other part of Hinata. 

“Ushijima,” Hinata said softly. He wondered if he should say it was just a joke. He swallowed slowly. 

Ushijima was the first to speak, however. “It’s not that I mind it, but I don’t... get it. You and Semi... you’re together, but you just kiss other people, and you drop all these confusing words and phrases. I mean, it’s no wonder I’m so confused.” His face twisted bitterly like he was thinking of something very specific. 

“I mean, I feel so weird around you two, and I think I hate it, but if I ignore it, it drives me insane, and when I’m with you, I can’t leave it be, and even when I do what I can to let it go, it always comes back to haunt me.”

Hinata blinked. Now he was confused. “I don’t get it, Ushijima.”

“Yeah, me either. I mean, Semi’s acting like... he’s liked me for a long time...”

Hinata pressed his lips together.

“He’s my friend, Hinata, but I hate-“ He stopped there, olive eyes flicking up to Hinata’s and then, unable to focus, shifting around. 

Hinata waited. 

“I hate you for stealing him away from me sometimes.”

Hinata was at first speechless and shocked, but then he slowly began to smile. “And what about me? Are you mad at Semi for outing me as a man. Maybe you preferred the dream of me as a girl.”

“Yeah, I’m mad at him too. ‘Cause he stole something from me, too.” Olive eyes drifted up and Ushijima watched him for a long time. “He stole you.”

Hinata slowly laid himself back down, let his hand fall from covering his cock to the cool leather beneath him. He stroked thoughtfully at it. 

“What are you going to do about it, Ushijima?” he asked finally, deathly serious and just as curious. 

“Apparently bang my ex-girlfriend.” Ushijima paused for a moment and then woodenly turned and stalked out the door, massaging at his wrist. He was gone for a long time. When he came back, he was all professional again. He sat down and silently began working again. 

And finally he set his gun down and cleaned Hinata off, bandaged him up with plastic wrap. Hinata slowly stood up. Ushijima turned his back to clean his little cups and gun, and Hinata pulled off his underwear and slipped on his sweats. Ushijima was telling him how to take care of the tattoo and that they’d finish the color later, but Hinata wasn’t listening, not really. He’d been staring at Ushijima since he came back. The other had a cute swirl at the back of his head where his hair lay in a lazy circle. Hinata wanted to press his finger to it, kiss it. He stayed very still instead and waited. 

But Ushijima didn’t turn around to look at him. When it seemed he had absolutely no plans to do so, Hinata bit at his lip in frustration. He clenched his fists, and then, before he could change his mind, he pressed himself against Ushijima’s broad back and hugged his neck. The other man slowly stilled and imperceptibly leaned back against Hinata like he always did.

“Ushijima,” Hinata breathed against his neck, laying his head to rest on his broad shoulder. He drank in the warmth of the man. “You know, I’ve always really meant it when I said I loved you, and I never meant it as a friend. I love you the same way I love Semi, and the same way Semi loves me... And the exact same way that Semi has always, always loved you.”

He paused and nuzzled softly against Ushijima’s neck, hugged him a little closer and tighter. “I know it’s asking so much of you to understand us. But please try to at least accept that we... we love you so much.

“You’re our everything, our whole world. Without you, Semi and I are incomplete. We’re only two-thirds of our perfection.”

Hinata sighed slowly and closed his eyes. “We need you, Ushijima. Please just... think about it. Think about us as potentially more than just really good friends.”

He pressed a kiss to Ushijima’s neck and then added in a soft whisper, “I really love the tattoo, Ushi. It’ll always remind me of you. I’ll always remember that first night we met, I promise. Even if that’s all we’ll ever have...”

He pulled away slowly from Ushijima and straightened his back. He wanted Ushijima to catch his hand, to pull him into his lap, to kiss him fiercely, but Ushijima never even turned to watch him leave. 

Hinata walked home alone, his coat hugged around his body, wondering if he’d even done the right thing. 

x

Even thought he’d said “banging his ex-girlfriend” was what he was going with, he hated it. Every word out of his mouth, he hated.

“I miss you, Wakatoshi,” Alisa’s voice sang over his phone’s speaker. He’d already ignored her calls twice because he was busy with work, but now he had no choice but to answer unless he wanted to feel guilty about it forever. He didn’t even really want to talk to her; she was just a really good distraction, and she was amazing in bed. 

“I miss you, too,” he said, covering his mouth with his hand as he moved through the shop, the lie coming so easily the he wondered if he actually believed it. He was hyper-aware of the fact that Semi was still here somewhere. He hadn’t talked to him since the coffee shop meet-up, and that was nearly a week ago now. He missed Semi, but he missed feeling wanted more. It wasn’t about Alisa at all; it was about not being lonely.

And now more than ever, he needed a mind-numbing distraction, even if it came in the form of his ex. 

“Can we meet up tonight? Please? I still have that dress you always loved.”

He wanted to laugh. He couldn’t even remember the dress she was talking about. But instead he said, “Anything you wear will look nice, Alisa. Let’s get dinner.”

A door to his left softly hit the wall behind it and he hung up the phone. Brown eyes stared at him in disbelief. Semi said nothing to him, but Ushijima had known the other long enough now to know, to understand Semi’s silence. 

Instead of facing Semi, he ran away like the coward he was. He turned away harshly and walked back to his area; he packed up his stuff and left. His whole world felt unsettled, and Semi hadn’t even said a word.

He walked briskly home and took a quick shower. Then he stood in front of his mirror in a towel and stared at himself. He’d been wearing long sleeves when he last saw Alisa, and they’d been too rushed in the bedroom, both of them too drunk to take in details; she hadn’t said anything about his tattoos. She’d always said she hated them in general, though. He traced a finger over the lines of one of his favorites. Maybe it had all started as an act of rebellion, but Ushijima didn’t want to imagine himself without his ink anymore, or his lifestyle in general. He ruffled his hair and sighed. He pulled on a t-shirt and a light jacket from his closet, a pair of jeans and a cap. On his phone, there was a text message from Hinata, but he ignored it. He pulled on his boots and walked out the door without looking at himself in the mirror again. His stomach rolled if he thought too much.

The restaurant she’d chosen was a small sushi place, and Ushijima shuddered when he saw the prices on the menu. _Damn it_ , he thought as he ordered a water for himself. He knew what she’d say; he wondered if maybe he’d be wrong, though.

“What, you’re just drinking water? You were always so cheap.” 

Ushijima frowned into his glass the moment he heard her voice. He’d made a mistake, but it was easy to forget that when he looked up at her smiling her quirky smile at him. She looked stunning, she always did. Ushijima knew exactly why he hadn’t said no to her, ever. He was so stupid for falling for her trap again. 

“This place is nice! Order some sushi! Their appetizers are yummy too!” She was beaming and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He wanted to just drag her home. He couldn’t stand the distance between them, because distance meant that all their flaws were illuminated in bright light. He listened to her mindless chatter and tried not to pre-calculate the bill in his head. He hadn’t come here for this. He felt lonelier than ever.

At some point he’d reached across the table and taken her hand in his. She had long fingers, but they were slim and dainty. He rubbed them between his own thick ones, fascinated as he’d always been. She babbled on happily; he wasn’t listening at all. 

“Alisa,” he said quietly at some point. She inclined her head and smiled at him. He smiled stiffly back. “What do you even like about me?”

She smiled, eyes going blank as her smile turned clueless. “What is this, Wakatoshi?”

“I mean, back then. Why did you agree to go out with me? I wonder sometimes if I ever made you happy.”

“You made me so happy, Wakatoshi!”

He hated that she still called him that. “And what about now? I’m not the same person anymore. I changed a lot after you left; I had to.”

He felt it; she was trying to pull her hand away from his, but he held it tightly. She slowly relaxed her posture and curled her fingers around his, smiling at him. He hated it. 

“Wakatoshi, you were always wonderful. I loved you, and I think I could learn to love the new you. How much does a person really change anyways,” she added with a laugh that sounded so cruel to him. He pulled his hand back and shed off his jacket. It was getting too warm. 

He watched her eyes flick to his arms, a look crossing her face that made him almost glad. “You don’t know how fucked up I was after you left, Alisa. I had good friends who’d always warned me, but I never knew how much you’d damaged me until you left. You broke me so completely that I barely knew how to recover. I’m just a glued-back-together mess of tiny little pieces, and some of the parts are missing, or turned the wrong way, or in the wrong spot. So yeah, I’ve changed a lot.”

He rubbed his hands over his arms to make his point, leaning on strong arms over the table. “I mean, do you even like what I look like now? Don’t lie; I can see it on your face.”

Alisa sighed heavily, that patronizing sound she’d always used but he’d never recognized as that before. It seemed so obvious now that he’d taken a step back and had a clear view. “I mean, you can take out the piercings, can’t you? But really, why’d you have to ruin your body with those horrible drawings. I thought you knew better than that.”

“I always liked the idea of having tattoos,” he said flatly. “I even do them for other people now. That’s my job.”

Her face twisted into a sneer. “Really,” she laughed derisively. Then her face shifted back, always calculating, always manipulating. She reached for his hand. “Wakatoshi, why don’t you come work for my dad like I’d offered before? You could travel the world, and a suit would look so nice on you.”

He could read between the lines of what she said. He wasn’t so blind and stupid anymore. “A suit won’t cover what’s on my neck.”

She huffed, tugged at his hand, but he pulled it back, pulling away. He smiled at her when she blinked at him in confusion.

“I’m happy now, Alisa.” He slowly pulled on his jacket again, rose to stand. “Sorry to stick you with the bill, but I can’t afford this place, and you ordered way too much food.”

With one last look, he covered her hand with his and said, “I’m really happy now, so please don’t take that away from me again, Alisa. Don’t call me again.”

And then he turned and left. He didn’t look back once. His head felt clearer than it had in ages. He walked five blocks before he stumbled into a bar. It was Friday, but the place was fairly lively. He grabbed an empty seat by the bar and slipped his jacket off, hanging it on the back of his chair. The bartender slid him the drink he ordered and he just stared into it for a long time, watching the way his breath rippled the amber liquid. Back then, the cowardly half of him would have run back to the restaurant and begged her to forgive him. The stupid half of him would clearly remember the good things about her he’d lost. But it was different now. Now he wasn’t sad. Now he could see it clearly, the way everyone else had always seen it. Now he felt sane. Her bad had always outweighed her good, and his as well. He just had enough balls finally not to stand for it anymore. 

He felt good. He felt free for the first time in a very long while. He could envision being happy again. So when a small hand pressed to his bicep and he turned to face beautiful green eyes, he simply nodded to the small voice that asked if she could sit with him. 

“I love your tattoos,” she said over the music into his ear. It wasn’t very loud, but she took the opportunity to lean close to him. She was beautiful, in a way that he was sure translated to her with no make up on and in sweat pants. She was petite, and she grinned at him like she couldn’t get enough of what she saw. He wouldn’t deny he liked what he was looking at either. “It’s nice to see your face is really handsome, too,” she said with a wink. 

He rested his forearm on the back of her chair and leaned in closer to her, smiling softly. She accepted his advance readily and grinned at him. He ordered her a drink; she smelled sweet. He didn’t even need alcohol to feel like he was flying ten feet off the ground. She asked for his name and let it roll off her tongue a few times. He’d begun twisting some of her hair around his forefinger. It was soft. Her lips glistened with gloss and she was looking at him like she’d do anything if he’d just kiss her. And he thought he really could; his soul felt so untethered he thought he was flying. 

So he did. She was warm and soft and smelled delectable, and he wrapped his hand around her slim waist, fingers stroking over her belly. Her hands pressed first against his arms, traveling quickly up to his shoulders, and then she wrapped them around the back of his neck, her fingers combing into his hair and scraping pleasantly over his scalp. He could feel his hat slip off a little, but he liked it. Alisa has certainly never made him this excited with a kiss. 

It was easy to ignore rationality, Semi’s voice in the back of his head when alcohol and this girl made him feel so damn good. 

He couldn’t stop kissing her. Once in a while, he’d open his eyes a little and catch sight of her again, or smell her; he felt alive for the first time in a really long time. Nothing could stop him from soaring now. 

“Let me take you... some place else,” he husked roughly against her lips. He could barely pull away to say the words. 

“Oh,” she shivered against his lips and he ate that up too. 

When they stood, he realized she was barely tall enough for the top of her head to line up with his torso. She was so different that it was perfect; she was exactly what he needed because she reminded him of no one. She blinked up at him with big green eyes and he thought, finally, finally he’d be free from all of the confusion and loneliness he’d felt for the past few months, from memories he didn’t want to think about anymore. He grabbed her hand and she ran after him with a laugh that was intoxicating to him. He draped his jacket over her shoulders and kissed her again when he saw how adorable she was. She stood on her tiptoes and he had to bend down and he couldn’t think of anything cuter. 

It was different, but it felt familiar in a really nice, nostalgic way. He didn’t think about it too much. 

Tonight he would finally be free again from all of the pain and confusion Semi and Hinata had given him. Tonight he would become truly untethered.

x

Hinata could feel the soft bump of the new ink below his skin. Semi would probably scold him for not telling him, but he loved the feeling of it, the memories it brought back. 

And with it came a kind of emotional clarity that he hadn’t felt in a long while. He traced a finger over the outline of Kageyama’s face as he lay lazily in bed. He smiled softly as his clarity became kind of an enigmatic truth inside himself. 

There were two things he wanted most in the world, not for himself, but for the two most important people in his life. He wanted Semi to be happy, and he wanted Ushijima to be happy, too. The clarity came in the form of the realization that their happiness might never be meant to be linked to his own. 

The longer he sat with the thought of making those two happy, the clearer it became to him. He’d already lived long enough with sadness to know he could bear a little more; after all, he would live many millennia longer than them. In the grand scheme of things, what was most important to Hinata Shouyo was the happiness of Semi and Ushijima. 

With or without him. 

He would sacrifice anything, even his own happiness with them, to achieve it. He knew this to be absolute fact. He’d never been meant to mingle like this with the humans; they would grow old and die and he would rather live without them than live seeing them apart. 

He pulled the photo of Kageyama to his chest and smiled, tears burning his eyes. “How did I fall in love with you, Kageyama? How did I convince myself you were worth it? Did I really love you so much to consider the pain of losing you less than the pain of never loving you at all?”

And then he admitted to himself, “I feel the same now about Semi and Ushijima, but I can accept that maybe I was never meant to be with them for that long. Maybe I’m just temporary; maybe they’re fleeting existences in my life.”

His sigh was heavy and shaky when he let it out. 

“I was selfish with you, I’m sure, Kageyama.

“I wish I’d had more time to love you properly.”

x

“What’s this?” asked Semi quietly to a sleeping Hinata. He grabbed at the frame the redhead had clutched in his hands, the one he’d seen so often but had never commented on. It seemed precious to Hinata, but also off-limits, and Semi was not one to pry into emotional things. But it still rubbed him raw to see Hinata sleeping like this with tears dried on his cheeks.

Hinata stirred quietly when Semi freed the frame from his grasp. He set it aside without looking at it. He’d already memorized it anyways; the other man’s face, Hinata’s smile. 

The covers shifted over Hinata as he moved, his bare body slowly slipping into view. Semi blinked wide and then he was laughing softly as he asked again, “What’s this?”

With a careful hand, not touching, he caressed the air over Hinata’s hip. It was stunning; Hinata was stunning. Semi had to take a step back to drink it all in. Hinata laying pale and naked in white sheets, the linen covering his crotch and half his body, red hair mussed over the pillow. Brand new ink a stark but beautiful contrast between pale skin. He was breathtaking.

“Ushijima did a good job, baby,” he breathed to his boyfriend. Hinata stirred half-awake and reached for Semi with two arms, rolling over to full nakedness. Semi grinned and leapt towards him. He greeted Hinata with a kiss. 

“Do you like it?” whispered a sleepy Hinata. Semi hummed against his lips, and Hinata giggled. “I’m so glad. He was so worried about it; so please tell him-“

Semi didn’t notice the way his words dropped off, didn’t see Hinata’s face as he hugged Semi tight, suddenly very awake like his words had flipped a switch. The blond grinned into Hinata’s neck, kissed him. He was still littered with small bruises, hickies, new and old, a mosaic of beautiful color. 

Hinata was gorgeous, and all his. He stood up just to peel off his clothes, and then he crawled into bed behind the other. Hinata rolled into him and he played with strands of red hair, hands exploring a body that he adored more than he ever thought he would. 

He’d never imagined falling in love with anyone but Ushijima, but if he’d ever thought about it, he definitely could have never imagined loving a small, fiery redhead like he did. In all respects, Ushijima and Hinata were opposites, but their existences in his life weighed the same. 

“What do you want for dinner, my love?” he said into a flood of hair. Hinata hummed and wiggled against him. “Want me to make you something?”

Hinata yelped excitedly and nodded. “Mm’please!” he hummed. And then he yelped when Semi scooped him up into his arms. It wasn’t like he was tiny; he was only a few inches shorter than Semi, but he weighed barely anything. 

Sheets dragged with them, Hinata adorned like a Greek god as Semi sat him on the small counter top in the kitchen. He reveled in the way Hinata watched him, face adorned with so much love that it was sickening. He had to kiss him every so often so Hinata would make a different face. He didn’t notice the way the smile slipped every once in a while into terrible sadness. He was blissfully unaware. 

With dinner made, they intertwined themselves on Hinata’s couch and watched TV. When it was well dark outside and Semi had begun to yawn, Hinata sent him off with a kiss on his cheek and a wave goodbye. 

Semi received two texts that night. The first sent him into a frenzy. He never saw the second until it was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry to everyone who read the manga and liked Alisa /sweats


	12. Catching Feelings

Of all the things Semi thought he would ever find on his door step, none of them included Ushijima soaked to the bone, looking absolutely defeated. The rain was just a light sprinkle now, but it had been pouring hard when he was with Hinata. How long had Ushijima been wandering around, and how long had he sat there? He clenched his phone in his hand. He’d run all the way here the moment he’d seen Ushijima’s text that he needed Semi to come home.

“Idiot!” yelled Semi halfway down the hallway, and then again when he was right on top of Ushijima. The other didn’t look up at him, his cheeks colored red, but Semi could imagine it was more from being wet and cold than anything else. He grabbed under Ushijima’s armpit and tugged at him to get up. He stood slowly, long enough for Semi to wrestle his door open one-handed, and then he pushed Ushijima inside his warm apartment. 

“My god, you’re a fucking idiot, Ushi!” Semi said loudly once the door was shut against his back. Ushijima stood in the entryway, head down and back to Semi, shoulders slumped forward. His clothes clung uncomfortably to his tall frame, and Semi had such a desire to just hug him like that. He’d never seen the giant look so broken and vulnerable. 

Instead he took Ushijima’s elbow in his hand and led the man inside. “You need a warm bath and new clothes. Go start the tub and get in, and I’m gonna find you some clothes.”

Ushijima let Semi lead him to the bathroom, though he knew perfectly well where it was, and when he made no moves to do what Semi had said, the other bent down with a heavy sigh and began drawing a bath for the large dummy. 

“Now strip and get in.”

He walked out without another glance, and then went to rip his dresser and closet apart in frustration. The memory of Hinata crying in his sleep clung to him like dirt to his skin, and now this. When he found a pair of sweats and a shirt that would fit the tall man, he stomped back into the bathroom, sure to announce his presence. 

Ushijima was trying to peel himself out of his pants, failing. 

“Do you want help?”

Wide olive eyes looked up at him, but Ushijima nodded. “Yeah.” Then, “Sorry. I had a lot to drink, and it’s not helping...”

“Idiot,” said Semi again, but he motioned Ushijima to sit down on his toilet so he could literally peel Ushijima’s jeans off. When he looked up from completing his task, he found Ushijima staring at him. He sat back slowly on his heels and sighed, “Doesn’t this remind you of when we were younger.” They’d both been so enamored by volleyball, especially in the beginning, and one night they’d played so long that they’d gotten caught in a rainstorm, running home with no umbrellas. Semi had invited Ushijima to his place and they’d had to worm their way out of sweaty, wet sweats and shirts. They’d been laughing then. They weren’t laughing now. 

Ushijima nodded. He stood carefully in the small space and turned to pull off his underwear, and then he slipped into the water with a shiver. Semi stood slowly, head turned away despite how much he wanted to look, and he walked out of the bathroom in silence, shutting the door behind him. 

It had been ages since he’d seen Ushijima naked. He had a lot more tattoos than Semi had ever guessed. His body was beautiful; it had always been. Even back in their high school days when Ushijima had first started really trying to gain muscle mass. He’d always been built broad; it had seemed so easy for him to gain mass. It still made Semi feel frustrated at his slimmer frame. Maybe being with Hinata had made him feel better though, because he wasn’t as insecure as he’d been for years before. He wondered if that calm would apply to comparing dick sizes too. He’d probably been doomed since the first time he laid eyes on Ushijima naked, he thought with a grim smile. 

He pulled out two tubs of instant ramen and started up a kettle of water. 

When Ushijima was still in the bathroom after Semi had finished a whole episode of a show on TV, he stood with a despondent sigh, and went to go knock on the bathroom door. “Did you fall asleep in the tub?”

Ushijima’s voice came to him much more broken than he could have ever prepared for. It froze him. “Semi,” Ushijima called again. 

“Do you want me to come in?” Semi asked in a strained, clipped voice. “Wipe your face if you’re balling your eyes out.” He didn’t sound half as disgusted as he was going for. He closed his eyes and opened the door. 

Ushijima sat, half-dressed atop the side of the bath. He wore the shirt and boxers Semi had grabbed for him, but his pants lay still folded on the sink. And his face was a mess of tears. Semi quietly picked up the pants and pressed them against Ushijima’s chest, uncomfortable, wanting so badly to just hug Ushijima but knowing he couldn’t, shouldn’t. He’d never let him go if he did. 

He’d never, ever seen Ushijima so vulnerable. Even after all the games they’d lost, he’d never been like this in front of anyone, not even Semi. It really broke something in Semi to think, _Then why now?_

“You’re a mess,” he said instead as he wiped Ushijima’s face with a towel. “Aren’t you embarrassed?”

“I guess I should be,” Ushijima responded quietly, “But I’m just not. Not with you.”

“I’ve never seen you cry before,” said Semi without thinking. Ushijima looked up at him with wet, beautiful eyes and a red face, and Semi choked out a concerned sound. “What’s wrong with you?” he managed to say, begging his strength to not fail him now. He refused to be so weak as to just bend to his will of decades and kiss Ushijima like this. 

Ushijima reached out a hand silently and Semi took it, confused for a second until the other began to stand. He tugged him up, still holding his pants to Ushijima’s chest. It was suffocating to be in the small space, damp with emotions and hot water, Ushijima crowding over him in his shirt and no pants. His hands cane up to cup over Semi’s, to take the pants from him. He smelled like Semi’s body wash. Semi dropped his hands like he was afraid and clenched then into his jeans to keep from reaching out. Ushijima silently bent to pull on his pants, Semi too afraid to move, to break concentration, crowding Ushijima. His emotions tugged at his heart and he was scared to even breathe lest he let something slip. His lashes fluttered, lips shaking. 

“I made ramen,” he said in a strained voice. 

Ushijima nodded slowly in thanks and moved past Semi into the living area and kitchen. He’d thought this would give him a moment to breathe, but it felt more suffocating without him, so he turned to follow the big man out. 

“It might be cold,” said Semi as Ushijima put the container back in the microwave. 

“You saved your favorite for me?”

Semi shrugged, more embarrassed than he should be. “I figured you deserved it or whatever,” he mumbled.

Ushijima turned at that, stared at Semi. He was already less of a mess again than Semi was quickly becoming. His face was stiff and normal, though still a little red, his hair mussed and so... cute. “Do you really think I do, though?”

Something in his tone made Semi look up with dangerous eyes, anxieties forgotten suddenly, and whisper, “What the fuck did you do, Ushijima?”

But the giant just turned back to the microwave and pulled out his ramen when it beeped. Semi moved to stand beside him, watched as Ushijima quietly ate his food. He was so unfairly beautiful even like this. Semi found it incredibly frustrating to have Ushijima here, eating his ramen and wearing his clothes, fresh from the bath, but it still had zero to do with the fantasies he’d imagined for years now. 

“Semi, you were right,” said Ushijima when he finally finished his ramen. He tossed his bowl and rinsed his chopsticks like a good houseguest, standing over the sink with wet hands before finally finishing, “I’m sorry I was an idiot and never believed you back then.”

“What-?” asked Semi as he moved closer. 

Ushijima grabbed a hand towel and wiped his hands, turning to Semi with a self-deprecating smile as he said, “Was Alisa really always such a terrible person? Was I really so blind back then?”

Semi choked on a sob of frustration. “You were in love-“ he said around his emotions. He bit the inside of his cheek to hold in unnecessary rebuttals or I-told-you-so’s. 

“I was in love with the idea of Alisa, the idea of being in love and dating, I think. I don’t know, maybe I did really love her.” Then he smiled a little and said, “She really did me a favor, breaking up with me.”

“I’ll say.” It was no more than a whisper. Semi could barely keep himself up straight. “You saw her again? Tonight?”

“She called, said she missed me. I don’t know, it was stupid; I didn’t even want to go but I said yes because...“

“Because what?” Semi said in desperation. 

Ushijima ignored him though. “It was so obvious. My skin crawled the whole time I was with her. I knew what she was going to say to me, and I still hated it so much when she actually said those things. She told me I could still work for her dad’s company, can you believe it? Said a suit would cover my tattoos.”

“Not the ones on your neck- Because what?” Semi’d been distracted for a moment, but his mind was still stuck on Ushijima’s unfinished sentence before.

“I stuck her with the bill. She made me come to this expensive sushi restaurant and she ordered all that food like she always did. God, she was so pushy. She always was.” Olive eyes to brown. “I was so damn stupid, Semi.”

“Yeah, you were. Because _what_?”

Ushijima ignored it again. “I told her not to call me again, and I went to another bar because I didn’t want to be alone. This girl came up to me, and God, Semi, she was gorgeous, like that natural kind of beauty.”

“God damnit, Ushi,” Semi hissed under his breath, something beyond frustrated now. His eyes burned as he stared at the floor of his apartment kitchen. 

“I just wanted to feel like I could, you know? Choose someone good and sweet. And she was. She made me feel something, something real. I couldn’t help myself. I took her to a hotel and I- Semi- I’ve never wanted someone so badly before. The way she breathed my name-”

“ _Because what, Ushi?! Why-?!_ ” He couldn’t breathe anymore. He couldn’t hear those words said about someone he didn’t even know when Semi had felt like that about Ushijima for years. It wasn’t goddamn fair! He was clenching his fists and hyper-ventilating, maybe. What was this reality? “Tell me because what!!”

“Because I’ve been lonely, Semi!” 

Silence fell complete and heavy around them, a final sentence on Semi’s heart. He was crying now, there was no stopping it. His shoulder shook and his heart broke in his chest. 

“You’ve always had me! Why are you lonely?!” 

Ushijima shook his head, and it was no wonder. “Semi-“

“Why am I not enough for you?!” Tears streamed hot and painful from his eyes. He hated this, hated it so much, but he couldn’t help it. The cracks had started a while ago and he’d ignored them; this was the price he was paying for that. He was broken. Ushijima had broken him. 

Brown eyes, wet with tears looked up at Ushijima, and with trembling lips, Semi asked, “Why, Ushijima? I wanted to be-“

“Semi, we’re just friends. And now, now you have Hinata.”

Semi clenched his fists tighter, nails digging sharp into his palms, but he needed the pain. His phone buzzed in his pocket. 

“Are you saying I can’t be friends with you if I’m with Hinata? Are you still-“

“No, Semi. I’m saying that we can only be friends now because you have Hinata.”

His phone buzzed again; he ignored it. Or more like, he couldn’t focus on it. “What does that even mean, Ushijima?”

Olive eyes stared at him, deep into him, watched him. “You tell me, Semi.”

“I-“

Ushijima shook his head and amended, “Say it with your own words, Semi. I don’t want to hear about your feelings from Hinata... I want to hear them from you.”

What had Hinata done? He wasn’t even angry, but he wondered if he should be grateful; he wasn’t sure, not yet. Not now. “Ushijima, I don’t want to ruin the small thing we have, because if I say it-“

Ushijima stepped closer, close enough to smell. Semi had to crane his neck up. Ushijima was so handsome, so... painfully perfect. Semi choked on a sob. “Just say it anyways, Semi. Because I’m lonely and I can’t keep- I can’t keep trying to pretend like I’m okay with this, with you not being mine.”

Ushijima lowered his head slightly, lowered his voice. “You were always mine, Semi, but then one day you weren’t, because Hinata stole you, and I’m _lonely_.”

Semi wanted to scream. Why all of sudden? Had Ushijima gone insane? He sounded so possessive, but Semi couldn’t think that he’d always thought this way because that would tear him apart. To think that if he’d just said something sooner, Ushijima could have been his - that would ruin him, no doubt. Why was Ushijima putting this on him like he’d been the one always in love with Semi, too? It couldn’t be.

Ushijima laughed suddenly. “Semi, damn it, please say it.” His voice broke and Semi wanted to cry again. “I can’t keep thinking that if I just sleep with a woman, when I can’t even do that anymore... and I don’t want any man but-“

“What do you mean, you can’t?” Semi choked out, desperate to shut Ushijima’s current train of thought up. 

“I don’t know, Semi, you tell me. Tell me why I couldn’t get hard for that gorgeous girl tonight, even when she was stripped down and wearing those kinds of panties I love, tell me why I was thinking of you instead, of you and Hinata. Tell me why I felt more lonely with her than by myself.”

Semi reached out, gripped at Ushijima’s sleeve, the only thing holding him up now as his head went faint. “Damn you to hell, Ushijima-!” he gasped out, unable to breathe, to inhale proper air. “God fucking damn you!” he screamed. 

His phone buzzed again, stealing his focus for a bare second. And then he reached up around Ushijima’s neck and pulled him down into a searing, blistering kiss. 

When Ushijima opened his mouth, when he kissed Semi back, he short-circuited. He saw his life flash before his eyes, all of his time with Ushijima up until then. The frustration and the cruelty and the bitterness, the overwhelming emotions and uncontainable feelings and the stuffing it down anyways. It all spilled out now, in tears and groans and arms pulling them tight together. Semi’s lips felt numb and so alive, and he couldn’t... stop... Breathing, what was that? He was petrified to break away and never experience this again. 

His phone buzzed once more. He pulled back in frustration, yanked it from his pocket. He was about to toss it to the counter behind them when he caught a name he knew too well. 

“Hinata?” he croaked, almost forgetting Ushijima, even as he hovered over Semi. There were multiple texts, but Semi couldn’t read past the first few lines, really couldn’t breathe anymore. 

“Ushijima,” he hushed, broken. “I need you to- Ushi, I need you to take me to Hinata.”

“What the-“

Brown eyes slid up to a flushed face, eyes leaking, lips trembling. “Ushi, please.

“We need to go see Hinata. I won’t loose him.”

x

It was easier than he’d imagined, to ignore the pain and pack up his things slowly. Or maybe he’d had too many decades of lying to himself. The stab of pain to his heart if he thought about it told him the truth. 

The truth was that this was terribly hard, fucking unbearable. He’d awoken to a faint feeling of Semi close to him, but then there was the realization that he wasn’t there. Hinata had checked his phone to see if he had messages, never expecting to see one from Ushijima. 

_Please tell Semi to come home. I need him._

This was it, then. This was the moment he’d worked hard for, had waited for.

Hinata had texted Semi. He’d pulled himself out of bed and had begun packing his things. He didn’t have a lot. He’d texted Semi again. Kageyama was placed lovingly amidst the few things he had. He texted Semi again as he took a moment to feel the loss of what he’d had, what he could still have if he decided to be selfish. But he couldn’t be, because the man he loved was finally getting the one his heart had always needed, and Hinata would just get in the way. 

No, maybe that wasn’t entirely it. What he really, really couldn’t do was watch them grow old and die. Not those two. Anyone else but them. They meant more than he would ever care to admit, so much that it tore out his heart. He pressed his face to the only thing Semi had ever left at his place, an old sweater. It still smelled like him. He cried into it and sent another text. He was too emotional, but if he didn’t do it now, he’d fall asleep again and he knew Semi would be there the next time he awoke. Because Semi was pure gold and he was too good, and somehow he was always there when Hinata needed or wanted him most. So if Hinata went to bed now, thinking only of Semi and Ushijima, Semi would be there when he awoke. 

And he couldn’t do that; then he’d never leave. 

He pressed the last of his things into his small bag and pulled on his cardigan. He laid out Semi’s sweater on the bed he’d made. He sent one last text. Before he could see if Semi had read them, he closed his phone and shut it off. He swept out of the room like the ghost he was and left behind no trace of himself. Even his scent was already evaporating from the sheets he’d lain in. 

This was the existence of a vampire. Everything about them was designed to leave zero remnants or impressions. Semi would soon forget him, too, because that’s how these things worked. 

He prayed Semi to be happy, for Ushijima to be there for him until all they could remember was the two of them. 

_I’m sorry, Semi. Be happy with him._

x

Ushijima felt awkward and angry, his skin itchy and tight on his body, like it was foreign and didn’t belong to him. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected when he’d made his way to Semi’s place, or when he’d practically confessed his confusing feelings. He wasn’t even really sure how he felt; he hadn’t really had time to flesh them out. But he knew what he didn’t like. He knew that he hated that Semi was dragging him off to look for Hinata. He couldn’t even give Ushijima a response; he’d seen those texts from Hinata and hauled Ushijima with him, and Ushijima was left with only his own words rattling around in his head. He’d probably been hoping Semi’s words would somehow make it all clear to him. Instead he was left with confusion and muddled feelings. 

Ushijima sat now in the back seat of a cab, Semi’s phone in hand, the blond a mess beside him, Ushijima reading over and over the words Hinata had sent. He couldn’t make sense of them. Maybe it was just because he wasn’t privy to parts of their relationship. He swallowed bitterly. He glanced sideways at Semi and hated that the other was so torn up about this. He hated that he felt torn up too. 

This had all started that night that Hinata had danced with him. All of this mess, his confusing feelings. And now he was left with this mess and the two people who could explain it to him were stuck on each other, unable to focus on him at all. 

He felt, once again, lonely. But it was a different kind of loneliness, this, something even more terribly gut-aching. He couldn’t see a trace of the Semi he’d always known in the man sitting beside him now, and he wondered if Semi would ever make a face like that if Ushijima left. He couldn’t imagine it. Semi had always been so constant. He hated that Hinata was the one to make him change, to make him make all these new faces Ushijima had never seen. He wanted to ask Semi if he’d had ever cried over Ushijima, but he stayed silent. 

Ushijima was a little shocked when the cab pulled up to a fancy hotel. Semi jumped out and Ushijima followed helplessly after. People were staring, Semi running through the lobby and Ushijima desperate to keep up. He wondered if he could reach out a hand and take Semi’s, if Semi would let him. 

The elevator ride up was riddled with anxieties for both. The air was thick. Semi’s fingers brushed against his and then nails dug into Ushijima’s palm as Semi grabbed at his hand. Ushijima wanted it to feel better than it did, but the situation didn’t permit it. Instead, his heart felt like it was dry and stuck in his throat. 

Semi knocked, once, twice, and then he banged on the last door on floor 11. He pressed his forehead against it and begged, “Please, Hinata, don’t say it’s true.”

Then, as if remembering something, he reeled back and dug in his back pocket. He pulled out a card and swiped it over the lock of the door. It beeped green and Semi yelped. He forced the door open and pulled Ushijima inside behind him. The door shut and darkness surrounded them. 

Silence.

Semi moved blindly inside, to what Ushijima could only guess was a bedroom. Light from street lamps outside glowed faintly through the window, illuminating an empty space, a neatly made bed. Semi walked over to a bedside table and swiped his fingers slowly over the barren surface. Then his eyes drifted to the only thing out of place in the room: a sweater laid out neatly on the bedspread. 

Semi sank to his knees and pulled the clothing to his face, let out the most unearthly sob. It rocked Ushijima; he fell back against the frame of the door, shaken. He couldn’t bear to watch Semi softly illuminated, crumpled, shoulders shaking in silent sobs. Sometimes his voice would crack through the silence and Ushijima would shudder. 

His heart was breaking. 

Then Semi whispered, “He’s gone, Ushijima.”

And Ushijima wondered if either of them would ever be the same again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just Hinata being a dumb boi /shrugs


	13. The Moment We’ve All Been Waiting For

The night was dark, darker than Hinata remembered. He was really hungry, but he ignored the people roaming past him on the street. He didn’t feel like eating. Semi’s blood still clung to the lining of his stomach and veins and he couldn’t bear to wash it away yet. 

He’d tried forgetting, but his mind wouldn’t let him. He’d travelled an hour by taxi cab before the distance had nearly torn him apart, and he’d stumbled into a small motel for the night. He wanted to sleep but it eluded him, so he sat against the window and stared at the lights, thinking of what he’d left behind him. His phone sat silent in his bag. He should throw it away; he’d be too tempted to turn it on otherwise, but he couldn’t, not yet. It felt too permanent, too real. Too cruel. 

He cried against icy glass and begged the stars to erase his memories of sweetness, of tender love. But Semi and Ushijima clung to his mind like leeches, like ribbons tied in knots around his brain. He cried out everything he had in him and then sat numbly and watched the sky slowly color with red. 

He hoped it would rain, loud and distracting, rain like how his heart was crying. He prayed Semi and Ushijima would just be happy... 

He thought now that maybe he’d done the worst thing he could have, but maybe everything had been a mistake all along. His Cupid complex had made him feel selfless and righteous. But now he was showing his true colors and almost hoping the two never forgot him. He couldn’t pray for it, but he wondered if they would always feel the hole inside them that he’d left. He clutched his hands and wished he could be a better, smarter person in the next decade. 

x

It was almost unpleasant, or disconcerting, the way Semi just reverted back into the person he was before Hinata. Ushijima couldn’t even bring himself to revisit the subject from his drunken night at Semi’s anymore. Somehow it seemed easier for Semi to just pretend nothing had happened, like he was okay. 

But Ushijima wasn’t okay. And he was sure Semi wasn’t either. He knew it not only from common sense, but from the way Semi was quieter, and the way he worked more, and the way he avoided Ushijima’s eyes sometimes when the other asked him how he was. 

Weeks turned into months without Hinata and the loneliness began to wear down on Ushijima like it did on Semi. Semi wore his tiredness on his whole body. Sometimes he would stare vacantly off into space for hours, and Ushijima could see in the slope of his shoulders how exhausted he was, no matter how much he tried to hide it. Ushijima was tired too, the kind of tired that sleep couldn’t fix, but what was sleep anyways? Weird dreams gave way to insomnia, and insomnia gave way to late nights on the internet. 

Solitude had never agreed with Ushijima, because it gave him these personal epiphanies he’d rather ignore. Ushijima wanted to say it wasn’t any different now, because each epiphany came with a fresh wave of hopeless loneliness, but there was a breath of relief with it, because the answers he’d always wanted came as well. 

His hours online, going down rabbit holes from a few Google searches, led him to stories of people like him, stories of men and women alike who had fallen in love with old friends, with the same sex, with more than one. Words Hinata had said and ones he’d ignored from Semi floated back, and he wondered why he’d been such a fool all along. 

Semi, who had been so constant by his side, and Hinata who was selfless and beautiful in every right, had captured him, body and soul. It felt impossible, but it really wasn’t so odd when he thought about it. Because why wouldn’t he fall in love with these two gorgeous beings who were like his stars and sun, who were like the moon and the tide of the ocean? He almost wanted to laugh at how blind he had wished himself to be. 

Nights out became a thing of ages past. Semi preferred to hole himself up in his apartment when he wasn’t working, and Ushijima could see no way to pull him out of his shell. He knew what it was, which is what made him loose the courage to try. This was Semi protecting himself; this was Semi building a safety nest so that he wouldn’t become catatonic with the shock and pain of it all. Some nights Ushijima felt it very tempting to do the same thing, but there was a hope that kept him from giving in. The hope that Hinata would come back one day, the hope that he would find the courage to tell them both, “I love you.”

“You look tired,” said Kiyoko as she watched him under her long lashes. She had her head laid on her hands, resting against his work bench at work. Ushijima just sighed in response. 

“Maybe get some coffee or something. Or a drink.”

Ushijima almost wanted to laugh. He hadn’t touched alcohol since the night at Semi’s apartment. Even the thought of drinking it made his stomach turn. 

“Coffee sounds nice,” he said instead, quietly. 

Kiyoko slowly stood and pressed a hand to his shoulder, leaning into him as he drew. She watched his hand and pen move for a long while, before reaching out to trace his design. “Every time I come in here, I see you drawing this. What’s that about?”

Ushijima stared with tired olive eyes at the drawing before him. He could almost draw it in his sleep now, he thought, and certainly with his eyes closed. Sometimes he did, imagining the feel of skin under his hand instead of paper. “It’s important,” he said quietly. “I don’t want to forget it.”

“A tattoo for a client?” she asked quietly like she always did. Her voice was never louder than this, and he appreciated that about her. She was one of the only people whose company he could even stand anymore. Everyone else seemed loud and crass, and Semi was sometimes too quiet. 

Instead of responding however, he asked, “Has Semi gone home?”

“I sent him home. He looked dead tired. He’s lost weight, you know.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“He was always working so hard to be as buff as you,” she said calmly with a squeeze to Ushijima’s shoulder. “I think he hates his body.”

Ushijima nodded quietly. Semi had never needed to say it. Ushijima had always seen it in the way he worked so hard. “He always has,” he responded bitterly. He wished more than anything to go back in time and tell Semi he was beautiful, always. 

“I don’t know what happened, but I hope he figures his shit out soon and pulls himself together before he wastes away.”

“It’s never so simple, Kiyoko.”

“No, of course not,” she whispered as she pulled back and stepped away from Ushijima to leave. 

“Kiyoko,” he called softly, his pencil now down as he traced over the lines of the flowers he’d drawn over and over. “The tattoo, it’s for someone special.”

Kiyoko’s eyes flashed knowingly. “Don’t let them slip through your fingers, Ushijima. I hope you don’t wake up when you’re old with too many regrets.”

He nodded and smiled. He didn’t plan to. 

x

It had been a few weeks now, but Ushijima found the feeling inescapable. Maybe sleepless nights were getting to him, but he could swear he caught glimpses sometimes of bright blue eyes. He saw it in people passing him by and those behind him in line at the grocery store. He saw it in clients at the shop and strangers passing him by on the way home. 

Semi seemed a little more frantic lately too, like something had stirred at him. It was almost painful to see sometimes, the way he’d jerk out of his dead stare into space to whip his head around and search for something that wasn’t there. Sometimes his hands would clench and unclench over and over like there was something he wanted to grasp and touch, something that always slipped away. Some mornings his eyes were rimmed in dark circles and shot red, and Ushijima would quietly press a cup of coffee into his cold hands and comb his hair. Semi would stare at him, stare at him for a long while, and sometimes it was like he didn’t recognize Ushijima for a moment. Ushijima’s heart would seize into his throat and he would shift in Semi’s vision to make him snap out of it. 

“Ushijima,” he would call quietly then, and Ushijima would simply remind him, “I’m right here. I’ll always be here for you.”

Semi would nod quietly, his eyes closing slowly, his features relaxing ever so slightly as he pressed his coffee cup to his lips and drank quietly. His shirts hung a little loser on him these days, and sometimes Ushijima felt the urge to cry when he looked down at Semi from above. He wished he knew what more to do than this, but he didn’t know how to handle a Semi this fragile. 

He wished Hinata was here. More than anything, he wished it daily, again and again. He was just no good by himself.

The glass of the coffee shop slowly reflected his own tired face as night fell outside. The shop was busy behind him, but he didn’t notice it at all. Nights like these, he resigned himself to sleeplessness and coffee-induced internet searches. He drank slowly at the hot beverage in his hands. 

A band began to play softly behind him, and Ushijima glanced around to notice suddenly how crowded the place was. His bag sat on a chair beside him, but it didn’t even occur to him to move it as bodies crowded behind him. Only the countertop bar by the window remained empty. 

A girl with dark, long hair came up behind him and tapped softly at his shoulder. He barely glanced up. “Would you mind if I sit here?”

He looked silently over at the empty chairs lining the long table he sat at, but finally he nodded quietly, turning back to the small sketchpad he’d been staring at for an hour or so. Inspiration felt lacking, or maybe his mind refused to settle and focus. 

He moved his things from the stool, and she pulled it out slowly. Her hair fell across her face and he watched the way it glimmered softly, looking silky smooth. It reminded him of something from long ago. His hand itched and he picked up his pen. The girl squeezed between him and the stool, her hand coming up to rest against his shoulder as she sat down. Maybe it was his imagination, but her touch seemed to linger a little longer than necessary, her fingers tightening softly against the fabric of his light jacket. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye, but all he saw was the long brown hair and full, pink lips smiling softly. He turned back to his sketchpad and began to draw. 

It was hard not to feel the eyes on him. Looking up in the reflection of the glass caught the girl watching him like he was the most interesting thing in the room. 

“Aren’t you here for the band?” he asked, a little annoyed. 

“No,” she said softly. “Would you believe I didn’t know they even had live music here?”

It sounded like a lie; he wondered if the girl was a terrible flirt of just that obvious. He turned back to his drawing and tried to block her out. His coffee was cold the next time he lifted it to his lips. He felt annoyed again; he huffed under his breath. 

He was relieved when the girl stood and left. She brushed against him when she got up, her perfume drifting to his nose, hand touching softly again for balance, and he wanted to turn and tell her to please stop, but she was gone. 

Ten minutes later, a coffee cup was placed beside his old one, and he glanced up first to the styrofoam cup before him. She was back, brown hair, soft smile, eyes watching. She placed her hand again on his arm and she squeezed into her seat, and he turned after she’d settled to give her a piece of his mind. She blinked in surprise at him as olive eyes met hers, and he froze. She gave him a slow, awkward smile as he stared. 

_Pretty._

He turned back to his sketch pad woodenly, picked up the coffee and huffed a thanks. Just how he liked it. She took his old cup and tossed it into the trash can next to her seat. When she turned back, she was smiling softly as he watched her reflection in the glass. 

He wasn’t sure if he was dreaming. He kept drawing as his brain worked to figure it out. How could he ask her without sounding like a weirdo. _Hey, are you-?_

“It’s beautiful,” she said suddenly, breaking through his thoughts with a soft voice. Her finger reached out towards him to tap at his sketch pad. “For someone special?”

“I’m a tattoo artist,” he said automatically, watching her face in the glass. She was either a great actress or he was wrong. She smiled in surprise. 

“That’s neat,” she said in quiet awe. “Is the tattoo for your girlfriend? Or a client?”

“Neither,” he said, barely audible. Then he slowly turned towards her and caught her eyes with his own. “It’s for someone who means the world to me, but I haven’t seen them in a long while. So now I just draw this, hoping I’ll see them again someday.”

He held her gaze as he grabbed the pad and pushed it in front of her. Her eyes flicked down cautiously and she carefully reached out to look through it, eyes darting up to his to make sure it was okay every once in a while. 

His notepad was filled with the same sketch, over and over, sometimes more detailed drawings of specific flowers, sometimes just the whole thing squished on a tiny piece of paper. Her face betrayed nothing. 

When her eyes flicked back up to his, there was something in her expression that made his heart grow tight in his chest. Her eyes looked a little wet. He crept his hand closer to hers. 

“You remind me of that person, actually,” he said quietly. 

Icy blue eyes held him captive. The girl didn’t blink or blush or deny it. He took her small hand in his own and smiled sadly. 

“Hello, Hinata. It’s been a very long time.” 

She gave him a small nod.

“I’ve missed you so terribly,” came a voice he knew all too well, a voice from his dreams and memories. His heart seized up in his chest. 

His voice betrayed him too much when he husked, “Semi’s an awful mess, you know.”

“I’m very sorry,” Hinata whispered back.

“Tell him yourself.”

He paused for a moment, blue eyes flickering a little off his face and then back. “I’m sorry to you, too, Ushijima.”

He just nodded. 

“You should go see him.”

“You know I can’t.”

Ushijima bit his lips, but he thought he could understand that. Beneath his calm, Semi had seethed so much hurt and anger. And all this time, Semi surely still loved Hinata so badly. 

“If you see him, you’ll never leave?”

Hinata nodded, turning away, but he could see his face still in the glass, a pretty face of a glamour that was familiar yet foreign. 

“Then why did you leave in the first place?”

Blue eyes flickered back to him. Hinata sighed quietly, heavily. “I thought I was leaving you two in a good place together. But tell me, you’re not dating, are you?”

Ushijima wanted to laugh. “No, definitely not.”

“Have you even told him how you feel?”

“I’m not so cruel, Hinata.”

Hinata blinked at him in confusion. “I thought you could make Semi happy when I left, but I never accounted for you being too cowardly to confess.”

Ushijima ruffled in anger at that, his fingers squeezing a little too tight around Hinata’s. He winced. “Don’t presume me to be a coward when it was all I could do to keep Semi from shattering apart after you left.”

Then quieter, “Did you really think someone like me could fix him after the only person he’s ever really loved left him?”

Hinata blinked wide at him and then laughed. “Ushijima, you-“

The taller growled in annoyance. “Spit it out for once.” He was tired of the words games, of the ‘hints’.

“Ushijima, Semi has been in love with you since middle school. If anyone is the love of his life, it’s you. I was just a distraction.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Ushijima warned even as he tried to pull away. But Hinata turned on his chair and gripped his hand tighter. He leaned into Ushijima, so close and warm and _real_. Ushijima’s arms ached to hold Hinata. 

No, he wanted to hold the real Hinata. Not this glamour of a disguise. He placed his hand back by his side, the other still on the counter, slim fingers gripping his tightly. 

“I left because I thought you’d finally realized. I thought you would confess, and so I got myself out of the way.”

“But Semi loves you-“

“Yeah, he really did,” Hinata said with the saddest, most beautiful smile. “He was really more than someone like me ever deserved. He was in love with us both.”

“So why didn’t you stay?”

“Because I don’t have the history you two have, and I thought if you didn’t love me like you loved Semi, and if that was the only thing that would keep you two apart, then it was better if I just left him all to you.” His eyes betrayed his pain even as he calmly said, “Because I can live with the pain and choose to forget, but you two have only a short amount of time to find your happiness.”

“So you thought you’d be kind and leave me with a broken Semi?”

“I was sure he’d-“

“What? Forget? Get over it? Hinata, I can’t explain to you... how absolutely torn he was.” Ushijima sighed wearily. “Even I couldn’t touch the pain that you leaving left him with. I think Semi needs you more than he ever needed me.”

“That’s a lie!” Hinata shouted, jumping up. Thankfully the music covered the sound from other ears. “Semi loves you so much-!”

“I don’t think,” Ushijima said calmly even as his heart broke from saying it, “that Semi would ever cry so hard if I left like you did.

“He would never make the faces he made when he read your texts that night, when he feared the worst.”

“But he would!” yelled Hinata desperately. “Why haven’t you told him? He must think he’s lost us both-!”

“Whose fault is that?! You’re the one who decided he could only have one of us!”

“Because I never thought you would say yes if it was both of us you needed to accept!”

“I would have gladly said yes! God, I would have jumped at the chance! Damn it, Hinata, don’t just decide by yourself-“ 

He didn’t even realize he was crying until Hinata wiped his tears away with shaking hands, looking like a deer in headlights. 

“Don’t just decide for yourself that I’m so little to be incapable of loving two of the most amazing people I’ve ever known.”

Ushijima sat up straighter and breathed out, clearly, no room for error, “I love you, Hinata. I love you both.”

In the back of a crowded coffee shop, a couple was crooning love songs over a cheap audio system, but neither of them heard it at all, and no one else paid them any attention at all. Hinata cupped Ushijima’s face and pressed in close to kiss him. Brown hair shifted to soft red and Ushijima pulled Hinata close, the smell he’d nearly forgotten sparking his memories and senses to life. 

“I love you, too, I love you so much, Ushi.”

“Don’t decide stupid stuff by yourself anymore,” Ushijima whispered against precious lips. 

“I’m so sorry, Ushijima. Semi...”

“Tell him yourself, you stupid vampire.”

“I will, I will. I think I can-“

Ushijima pulled back and grabbed Hinata’s skinny arm. He was shocked to see the vampire looking so terribly gaunt too. “God, you two are like peas in a pod. Both stupider than a doorknob and so gorgeous still.”

He scooped up his pad and bag and linked his fingers through Hinata’s, savoring the small warmth of the other even as they fled into the cool air outside. 

“Where are we going?” Hinata huffed, breathless behind him. 

“To see Semi.”

“No! I’m not ready-“ Hinata dug his heels into the ground, but Ushijima just whirled around and scooped him up in one arm. It wasn’t like he was so much shorter than Ushijima, but he weighed barely anything anymore. Hinata yelped and gripped tight to his jacket even as he tried to push the other away. 

“Hinata,” Ushijima breathed against his cheek. “Please don’t make him wait a second longer for you.”

Hinata went instantly silent. 

“For us,” he corrected quietly as he sank against Ushijima’s chest. Ushijima felt his tears spill and soak into his shirt and jacket, but he let Hinata cry in silence. It felt unbelievable to hold him now, and he wished they hadn’t spent all this time apart being so stupid, all of them. 

He hoped Hinata was right. He hadn’t even hoped to imagine it. Did Semi really love him? Had he loved him all along? His memories of Semi’s happiness with Hinata didn’t match Hinata’s words. He didn’t think he’d ever made Semi smile or laugh like Hinata had. 

“Are you sure?” he whispered quietly, insecure for the first time in his whole life. 

“Am I sure what?” Hinata husked against his neck. He shut his eyes for a moment at the warmth of it. 

But he couldn’t say the words aloud, because he thought he might cry if Hinata said, “Maybe,” or, “He did before I left.”

At Semi’s front door, he set Hinata down and then he took a step back, fear crowding him like nothing else. But Hinata reached back and took his hand, shaking as it was, and Ushijima realized Hinata was just as scared as him.

“I can’t do this alone, Ushi,” Hinata whispered, petrified. Hinata’s fear froze him more than his own made him want to run away. 

“Okay,” he said with a calm he didn’t feel. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /casually breaks the fourth wall with her chapter titles


	14. Missing Myself and Everyone Else

He thought he’d done well. There were moments where he was despondent and inconsolable, but he kept these times to the privacy of his own home. He didn’t want Ushijima to see and worry. He didn’t want Ushijima asking questions. 

Life became unsettlingly boring. Even his food tasted bland at times, and there were days when his hunger never really hit him, so he skipped meals all together. Semi knew he was wasting away, but it was easy to ignore if he just didn’t look in the mirror. Even when his clothes became a little baggier on him, he ignored it. It wasn’t like he had brain cells to spare anyways. Everything inside of him felt barren and dead. Even the love he’d carried for Ushijima for ages seemed non-existent. He felt nothing anymore; it was easier to cope with than the horrifying, body-splitting pain of recognizing that he loved Hinata more than he’d ever truly cared to admit, and Ushijima too. But neither of them meant anything without the other anymore, and it all became pointless since Hinata was gone. 

It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried. He’d called Hinata and asked around. He’d gone back home and to the bars they’d visited. He’d thought about putting in a police report too, but in the end, he decided that Hinata wouldn’t be found if he didn’t want to be. 

And it seemed he didn’t want to be.

So Semi poured himself into his work in a desperate attempt to distract himself. Ushijima was sweeter to him than he deserved, kinder too, for not asking any questions or pushing anything. It wasn’t that he didn’t still love the man with all of his heart, he was just wondering if it was worth it if it felt like this when they left. 

He didn’t want to cry like this ever again, like his soul was being ripped from his body, inconsolable. There were a lot of sleepless nights that were filled only with his screaming cries for someone to stop the pain, for Hinata to come back and heal him. 

Most surprising of all, perhaps, was the withdrawal-type symptoms from lack of vampires drinking from him. He was sure it was mostly psychological; no one mentioned anything about it online. But the pain was very real, an ache in his neck and veins, like his body was too full sometimes. It was a weird out-of-body experience, those nights when he could do nothing but cry, and his body felt like it was pushing him out. It was like hovering above your bed, naked. 

The saddest thing was the realization that his new routines were becoming ingrained. When he automatically did something like strip his clothes and curl under the covers, or draw a bath instead of a shower, that’s when it really hit him how bad off he was. Looking down at his body was depressing. The muscles he’d worked so hard for were slowly fading away, and his skin stuck to his bones in certain places. He hated it, but his stomach wouldn’t eat anymore food. His body was rejecting him completely, trying to push him out. 

There were nights that Semi dreamed about Hinata, so real that he felt him on his skin when he awoke. And then he started seeing him during the day, glimpses of red hair and blue eyes. It drove him up a wall. The only thing that grounded him sometimes was the coffee Ushijima would press into his hands as he combed out his unruly, blond hair. Sometimes he found himself leaning into it, before he could think better. 

He missed Hinata. He missed Ushijima. 

He missed himself.

But there was nothing he could do about it; he didn’t have the strength anymore to be better for himself or anyone else. 

On Friday, it was especially bad. He left work early because Kiyoko had sent him away again and he’d shed his clothes as he walked to his bed. The center of his bed had begun to dip, a perfect circle his body fit into; he curled into it now, covers over him, pillows around him like a shell. His body shook with sobs and he wondered when it would end; when would his body say it had had enough of the shaking and voice-breaking? He wished for it to come soon; the crying wasn’t even relieving anymore. It just ached.

He didn’t hear the knocking. He barely heard the doorbell ring. The pounding registered somewhere in the back of his mind, but it wasn’t until his phone rang on his bedside table that he dragged himself out of his cocoon. He couldn’t read the text because of the tears streaming down his face, but then he heard the ringing and the banging. With his eyes leaking and shoulders heaving on nasty sobs, he shuffled to his front door, dragging his comforter like a hooded cloak behind him. 

He banged hard against the door and yelled through his tears, “Shut up!”

“Semi!”

Semi pressed his overheated forehead against the cool metal of his front door. He couldn’t handle this right now; why was Ushijima here? 

But he sounded concerned as he called Semi’s name again. He unlocked the door and turned away, recoiling back into his bed shell. Let Ushijima do what he will; he couldn’t be a part of it. He thought again of Hinata and the tears came anew, but he was running dry, and it was becoming those dry, body-heaving sobs that he hated. His voice was already on the edge of breaking. He couldn’t have another sleepless night tonight; he’d fall apart. 

Silence was a thing of the past, his front door creaking open and then shut again. Footsteps made their way inside, stopping and starting, and he could imagine Ushijima was cleaning up his trail of clothes. He bit his lip to quiet himself, his body shaking hard in protest as god-awful sounds slipped past his gritted teeth. 

When the feet stopped at his bedroom door, he begged Ushijima, “Please don’t come in here.”

The feet obeyed. They turned away and left. Semi’s whole body shook with the desertion and loneliness of it. His throat opened and lips parted and he wailed dryly like a beached whale, but god, he was so fucking broken at this point that he didn’t even care. 

It was minutes, definitely, hours, maybe. Semi felt the loneliness so deeply as he slowly calmed down. He tried to breathe calmly, deeply; he refused to let it overwhelm him again. He softly began humming to himself, the song that had been playing when he’d met Hinata officially for the first time. It was one of those 80’s ballads; strange for club music, but maybe that was why the place had been so deserted. His voice broke sometimes, but slowly he felt sleep come for him. 

Soft footsteps, then the shifting of his mattress, and a weight slipped atop his body. He was halfway to LaLaLand; it didn’t process. Arms wrapped around his duvet cocoon, and he let out the deepest sigh as his consciousness slipped from him the easiest it had in months. 

He wasn’t sure if it was a dream, but he thought he heard someone call his name, apologize, tell him it would be alright. It was hard to discern as darkness took his mind and sleep became one with him. 

x

A warm hand on his shoulder roused Hinata in the morning. He’d been dreaming, he thought. Last night was a blur. He shifted atop the lump he slept on and slowly turned his head towards the hand on his shoulder. 

Olive eyes stared at him too kindly, and the bed creaked softly as Ushijima sat down at his back. He slowly took in his surroundings. 

“He won’t wake up,” Ushijima said quietly when Hinata blinked at the peek of messy blonde hair sticking up from the comforter, the only thing visible of his former boyfriend. Memories of last night came back, of crying quietly as Semi wailed, of his heart breaking as Semi began to hum, of wanting to be close. He let Ushijima pull him carefully up, guide him into Semi’s kitchen that he still knew so well. It looked exactly the same; untouched, actually. It was scary. Ushijima had slept on the couch; fitfully if the size of the bags under his eyes was any sign. 

“When did he stop crying?” he asked quietly. 

“I don’t know,” whispered Hinata. He sat down slowly on a kitchen chair, pulling his legs up and resting his chin atop his knees as his arms hugged his thin legs. Ushijima put a plate in front of him, but he didn’t think he could eat. Warmth draped slowly over his back and he accepted Ushijima’s weight, arms coming up to hold Ushijima’s to his chest. 

“Do you think we should be here when he wakes up? I don’t know if he’d rather be alone-“

“You were his boyfriend, what do you think?” Ushijima asked calmly. 

Hinata felt a stab. The tears came before he could stop them. “I hardly know anymore. I feel like I never took the time I should have to get to know him like that.” He bit at his lip and then whispered, “So you tell me, best friend.”

“I know even less than you what to do.”

Hinata nodded slowly, a little glad that they were both in the same boat. “Let’s stay, Ushijima. I don’t want him to wake up alone even one more morning.”

“It’ll be a shock,” whispered Ushijima directly into his ear. 

“Yes,” was all Hinata answered.

_Sorry for leaving you alone, my dearest. I was such an absolute ass-hat of a fool._

x

The first thing Semi noticed was the extra weight. His duvet felt pressed down around him, and there were two anchors weighing it down, curled around him. Next was the heat; it was suffocating under his covers. And then was the scent. 

Ushijima, he thought clearly. 

Hinata, he wondered fuzzily, caught between dream and reality. 

He reached out from his cocoon and felt at the thing before him, curled against his front. Ushijima, he decided. He didn’t want to question it; he pressed his arms around the big, solid form and hugged himself to it, grateful, unwilling to ask anything and ruin it. 

Ushijima was breathing slow and deep, asleep. He smelled like memories and heaven. He was so warm against Semi that he slipped into sleep again. 

He awoke next to cool at his back, breath drifting across his naked neck and a solid weight against his back. He pressed back against it, pulled Ushijima with him, felt a hand shift against his thigh. He closed his eyes, but his brain wouldn’t let him fall asleep this time.

Two? Two bodies? Ushijima. Ushijima and who? Warm and cool, two scents. Two sets of arms around him and two pairs of slow, even breathing against his skin. He clenched his eyes and prayed not to wake up from this dream; it was everything he’d been needing, he didn’t want to wake up yet. 

Not until the weight behind him shifted and a voice from his memories breathed out his name like the sigh of a dream. 

He didn’t want to wake up, god, please. _Don’t be so cruel to me..._

He turned over with some great difficulty, his body still half asleep, and he pressed his nose into cool skin. The smell nearly overwhelmed him, like a wave of nostalgia so sweet it was painful. Something tumbled against him and a hand stroked up his side, more sleepy mumbling. 

“Don’t wake up,” he whispered to the air and those with ears around him. 

And the air whispered back, “Semi,” in a voice that was unfairly familiar. 

“I don’t want to wake up,” Semi whispered fearfully. “I don’t want to find out you’re not really here.” His hand clenched against cool skin, gripping at a thin chest that was foreign and yet familiar. 

“I’m here,” whispered that voice again. “So please wake up, Semi.” 

Was that... pain? Sadness in the words? How dare... 

“I’ve missed you-! I don’t want to wake up yet, it’s too soon-“

A body shifted against him, lips to his ear. 

“Please, Semi~”

His eyes snapped open so fast, crusty as they were with dried tears. “Mm,” he winced softly as his lashes pulled.

And then the sound caught in his throat and his breath crept back into his lungs from his exhale. 

“No,” was all he could think to utter. 

Gorgeous blue eyes like ice, and hair as red and beautiful as fire, was all he could see. He absolutely couldn’t breathe.

“If this is a dream,” he said on a cracked voice. Blue eyes blinked slowly. 

But it was a voice from behind that assured him, “It’s not a dream, Semi.”

His head turned and he watched Ushijima sit up and slowly pull himself off his bed. He didn’t even glance back at Semi as he quietly walked out of the room. Semi blinked at his empty doorway until a cool hand pressed to his cheek and turned him back to face icy blue and brilliant red. 

“Sorry, Semi.” Lips trembled. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’ve never seen you cry like this,” he hushed in awe, still quite sure it was a dream. “You’re really beautiful.”

A soft sigh. “No, you are, my love.”

“Hinata, you’re an idiot,” said Semi finally as he began to cry again. 

But this time arms gripped him tighter and he felt for the first time in a long while, safe and whole again. 

“Promise you’ll never leave again. No, swear it.”

“On my honor and my whole life.” Warm breath against his neck; memories shivered back to the surface of teeth against his veins. “You’re already completely mine, or did you forget, my dearest?”

“Never,” swore Semi in breathless shock. Then, “Are you real?”

“...Yeah... Sorry.”

Semi shook his head. “God, please don’t be. Don’t say that word again, I’ll be mad.”

“I did a terrible-“

“Hinata,” he hissed. He pressed closer to the body he knew better than his own. “Please, baby.”

There was a rush of air, the biggest sigh of relief. Hinata squeezes him tighter. 

“I never deserved you at all.”

“No,” said Semi easily. 

Hinata laughed against his hair and Semi felt his face crack apart a little as he smiled for the first time in many, many ages. He slowly pulled back and sat up, stared in disbelief, in relief at the body laid over his bed. Hinata wore nothing but a shirt and underwear. His legs looked thinner, and so did his face, but his eyes and hair were the same, and he was there, real. Semi reached out and pressed his finger between Hinata’s lips, traced over sharp, elongated canines. And then he pushed his finger across the sharp tip and sighed orgasmically as the built up pressure from months alone left his veins. 

Hinata blinked first unsure at him, but then his warm tongue licked over Semi’s wound. He grabbed that slim hand and slowly pulled himself up. And as he drank from Semi’s finger, brown eyes watching him, drinking _him_ in, Semi assured himself this was very, very real. 

When his clarity came finally, all fog lifting, he raised his free hand and smacked Hinata hard across the face. A sharp tooth bit into the side of his finger, but it ensured he knew for sure this was happening. 

“You fucking bastard!” he yelped in angry indignation. Hinata bowed his head and Semi smacked him upside it again. “You idiotic son of a whore! Fuck you!”

He pulled his finger back and plunged it into his mouth, sucking it clean. And then he grabbed a whole clump of Hinata’s hair and yanked him into a rough kiss, passionate with time apart and missed moments. His tongue curled around Hinata’s and he whimpered.

“You taste different,” he whispered, voice shaky. Hinata just pulled himself atop Semi’s lap and grabbed his face to kiss him deeper. He growled against Semi’s lips, and Semi ate it up. 

Cheeks were wet when they pulled apart, though Semi couldn’t tell it they were his tears or Hinata’s. The redhead was panting hard as he sat in Semi’s lap, hands still holding his face. Semi grabbed around his waist and hugged him close, looked up at him. 

“Tell me why, Hinata. I want to know.”

“Why I left?”

“And why you came back. Yeah. All of it.” He gnawed at his lip. “Tell me what you’re thinking, please.”

Hinata was silent for a long time. He examined Semi’s face and combed his hair, pulling strays from his forehead. He would smile softly once in a while like he’d remembered something he really liked about the other, and sometimes he’d gently press his finger to dimples or beauty marks. 

“I was really stupid, you know,” he finally began, a little startling for Semi due to the long silence. He closed his eyes and drank in Hinata’s voice and words, then opened them again to watch his eyes and face. “I thought Ushijima was going to confess to you that night, and I told myself that if it was just me who was going to be in the way of your love of a lifetime, then I would easily excuse myself. I don’t know, I didn’t think Ushijima would take too well to the idea of dating both of us, and I wanted it to be easy for you, because you deserved it. I wanted you two to be happy together.”

Semi blinked. “Why did you think he was going to-?” he asked quietly, breathlessly. Then he whispered, “Is Ushi still here?”

Hinata gave him a confused nod. “He’s in the livin-“ 

Semi covered his mouth before he could say more, and Hinata’s eyes went wide as the blond’s face went slowly beet red. He glanced at Hinata and pulled his hand away. “Why did you think he was going to confess?” he hushed.

Hinata leaned in closer, foreheads touching. “He texted me that he needed you, and I thought he’d finally come to his senses. I mean, he was a fool not to love you, really.”

Semi covered his cheeks and tried to think. Had Ushijima confessed that night? He’d said a lot of things; everything had been washed away by Hinata’s leaving. He slowly recalled their conversation, and his skin went a little pale. “Oh my god.” He glanced at Hinata. “I mean, he never- I never-“ It wasn’t like Ushijima had said he was in love with Semi, but hadn’t he basically spelled it out for him?

Hinata gave a short laugh. “I can tell by your face I was right. So then why aren’t you together? Why aren’t you happy?” His voice and face turned sad again. Semi hated it. But he hated Hinata’s dumb assumptions more. 

“Because you weren’t here! If Ushijima had told me he loved me but didn’t want to date you too, I would have convinced him, but I never, ever would have given you up just to be with him-! How could you-! How could you even think that, Hinata?” Warm hands pressed against Hinata’s cool cheeks and Semi kissed his lips. God, he’d missed this man so incredibly much. “I love you so much!”

Hinata let out a little sound of shock and grabbed around Semi’s waist, hugged him closer. “Semi, I- I’m so sorry-“ Tears came again. “I didn’t want you to ever be unhappy, and if I was ever a source of unhappiness for you, I would have rather died. You humans have such short lives and I wanted you to have no regrets, and no lost loves.”

“But I lost you, so that destroys your whole reasoning,” Semi said with tears glittering his eyes, a smile on his lips. “Don’t make stupid decisions by yourself anymore, you idiot.”

Hinata chuckled and pressed his forehead to Semi’s. “Yeah, I won’t. My brain wasn’t made for deep thinking.”

Semi giggled, and Hinata watched him with a smile on his face that told Semi very clearly how much he’d missed the other. How much he’d missed Semi’s laugh, his smile. Semi’d nearly forgotten how to, but it came so naturally with Hinata around. His cheeks ached from disuse.

“And, well, I came back because I wanted to make sure you were okay, because I... missed you. You looked like absolute hell, you know; I was so worried. I wanted to know what had gone wrong, so I approached Ushijima. I never meant to expose myself, but-“

His voice broke then and he finally sobbed out, “I missed you so much, Semi.” 

Semi watched, astonished, as this man who always had it together, who was ages old and seemed to have the world in the palm of his hand, cried crocodile tears over him. It gave a sense of serious relief to see him shaking for once, clutching at Semi’s shoulders, unable to even breathe. 

“Don’t leave me ever again, please,” Semi said as he hugged the other close. He kissed his red hair and cute ears. Every little breath or beat of his heart made Hinata cry all the more. Semi wondered how much he’d tried to endure by himself. Whatever Hinata thought, he wasn’t some kind of hardened age-old creature. He was just a man with a heart the size of America and a brain the size of a pea. He was stupid when he was in love, just like every other person out there. Semi loved him with everything inside of him. 

Hinata slowly quieted down and Semi kissed him one last time. Then he whispered to Hinata’s ear, “Let’s go get our man, darling.”

Hinata giggled and sniffled, nodded. He pulled himself out of Semi’s bed and crinkled his nose at it. “God, love, I adore you but your sheets stink. And your bedhe-“

Semi shook his head as he climbed off his mattress and dug around for clean clothes. He settled for sweat pants that he’d worn only once and a clean shirt, no underwear to be found anywhere. Then he walked up to Hinata and took his hand, linked their fingers. He kissed Hinata’s lips, slowly, savoring, gathering courage. It was still nerve wracking even with Ushijima’s words in the back of his head playing now on repeat, now that he could remember them. Hinata combed a hand up into his hair and smiled. 

“You still smell perfectly the same,” he whispered softly. “I love it; I’ve missed it.”

“You could have kept my sweater.”

“I would have been back here sooner if I had.”

Semi gave him a look that said, _That would have been a good thing_. 

“Yeah,” sighed Hinata. “Sorry.”

“I don’t want to hear that anymore,” warned Semi. Hinata nodded and Semi kissed his cheek. 

Then he turned and pulled Hinata into the living room with him to face Ushijima.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEET. 
> 
> It’s been a long journey, but thank you so much if you’ve stuck it out this far. It’s only going to get better, and we have two more chapters left <3 Thank you


	15. All the Time in the World

Ushijima had strained his ears for the last hour or so. At first it was just quiet breathing, sometimes he could hear a voice rise high enough to make out whose it was, but he never heard any words he could make out. Just Hinata’s sadness and Semi’s desperation. He sat on a corner of Semi’s couch, leaned forward, elbows on his knees, a pillow hugged against his chest. 

The wait was torturous. 

There was silence and then the softest sounds of footfalls, finally, finally. Ushijima could barely turn his head after all of it. He wasn’t sure if he could bear Semi telling him he’d chosen Hinata after all, that Hinata had made him chose or something, or maybe Hinata’s presence would make him realize that he loved the redhead more. He tried to cling to the feeling of Semi’s kiss and Hinata’s words but his heart was in his throat. 

It stayed there until he woodenly turned his head, stayed there when he saw Semi holding possessively to Hinata’s small hand, stayed there until he saw the smile on Semi’s face, the warmth of his chocolate eyes melting when he saw Ushijima. 

“Semi,” he rasped out. His eyes flickered to Hinata, who was watching him with this beautiful strength and determination. “Hinata,” he whispered. He scooted forward a little on the sofa. He could look at the two of them forever. He’d been so stupid when it came to his love, stuck in how he thought it should be and denying how it was. He smiled softly. He saw it clearly now, felt it absolutely.

Semi was the first to break the silence again, a soft gasp when he saw Ushijima’s smile. He stepped forward and pulled Hinata with him, the two first walking, then running to close the distance. Ushijima stood up so fast to catch Semi, to catch them both. They hit him like Cupid’s arrow to his heart. He grabbed them both up in his arms, hugged them fiercely. 

Semi’s hand crept up his face from where it was squished against his body, and chapped lips kissed his neck. Hinata was crying again, he thought, quietly though. Ushijima just savored the silence and closeness. Two hearts beat hard against his ribs. They were alive, they were here.

“Ushi,” Semi said. 

“Should we sit?” whispered Hinata. 

Ushijima took a step back with them and slowly sank to the couch, his grip loosening on them. Semi settled on his right thigh and Hinata by his side, legs over his lap. He kept his arms loose around their waists, caressed softly at clothed skin when they offered no objections. He looked the two of them over, really looked. He smiled quietly as Hinata played nervously with his hands and Semi’s face went red and a little pale at the same time. 

“Why are you two the ones who are nervous?” he joked as an icebreaker, but his voice cracked and betrayed his own nerves. Semi smiled lopsided and Hinata gave a small laugh. 

“Because this is nerve wracking,” said Semi. 

“And you’re really... hot,” added Hinata, turning red now too. 

Ushijima laughed at how adorable they were. 

“Ushijima,” Semi whispered softly. He sighed quietly, and then began again a little louder. “When Hinata and I first started dating, it was always with one goal in mind, you know. One shared desire. We never wanted it to just be the two of us.” Warm hands took one of Ushijima’s in hand, and Hinata’s hands grabbed at his other arm and pulled it forward to grasp his hand as well. Two pairs of earnest eyes, one beautifully blue and the other gorgeously brown, stared at him. 

“I don’t know if you’d like to; it’s probably a really strange concept to you, but we thought we’d like to one day ask you to be our boyfriend.”

Semi swallowed loudly, and Hinata had this deer-in-the-headlights look in his face as they watched Ushijima. 

“It’s weird...” whispered Hinata, a question. 

“You can take some time to think about it if you need to...” added Semi cautiously. 

Hinata sat up a little straighter and suddenly found his voice. “But Ushi, we both... we both really love you. I think we both have loved you for as long as we’ve known you.”

Semi nodded. 

“Tell him, Semi,” Hinata urged. 

“We love you,” Semi reiterated. And then, “Ushi, love of my life... I love you.”

“We’re not complete without you,” murmured Hinata down to their hands, holding his tightly. Semi nuzzled against his cheek as encouragement and comfort, a reminder that they were in this together, and purred his agreement to Ushijima.

Ushijima felt overwhelmed. It was like drowning, pleasantly. He wondered what he’d done so right in his life to deserve the affection of two of the most wonderful, beautiful men he’d ever known. Semi had had so much time to find someone better, and he had with Hinata, and Hinata had decades under his belt, but they’d both chosen him still, despite finding each other, despite being perfect for one another. They’d decided that they weren’t complete without him? How was that even possible? He stared with wide eyes at Semi and Hinata, who sometimes exchanged glances filled with so much love and support, and then they’d turn those same looks towards him and he was melting. 

Before it became too much, he burst out, “I love you. I love you both. Both of you... mean the entire world to me.” His lips trembled as he begged his voice not to betray how much this meant to him. “Hinata, Semi... I love you... so fucking much. How could I have been so stupid for so long?

“I wasted a lot of time,” he added in hushed tones, barely audible above his churning emotions. 

It was instant, the comfort and affirmation that came. A soft gasp of relief and happiness, and then hands were pressing at his cheeks and neck, pulling him this way and that. His eyes darted from one to the other. 

“You wasted a stupid amount of time,” said Semi, and it weighed a ton coming from him. 

Hinata looked ready to cry again as he nodded. 

“But it doesn’t matter now,” he whispered, words choked. 

Ushijima’s free hands once again slid around Semi and Hinata’s backs and he pulled them against his chest. They sank against him and fitted themselves there like they’d always been meant to. And why not? 

Semi was the first to sit up and claim Ushijima’s lip. “Ushi,” he breathed between breathless kisses, “Will you... do us... the honor... of being... our... boyfriend.”

“Yes,” huffed Ushijima back so fast as he hugged them tighter. Semi hadn’t even finished asking. “Yes,” he said again when Semi was finished. Warm lips kissed him hungrily, and he licked back at them, eager for Semi to be wrapped around him. 

Hinata set his small, cool hands to Ushijima’s chest and began kissing at his neck. Heat rose between the three of them. Hinata pulled blood to the surface to create hickies. Semi’s hand slid under Ushijima’s shirt, fingers climbing over abs. 

Suddenly, Hinata pressed closer, his heart beating wildly. A heat came off his skin that felt foreign. Semi seemed to recognize it as he grabbed Ushijima’s face and tilted it to kiss him deeper. His neck was exposed; Hinata breathed heavy and warm over it. He licked once, and then he was shaking against Ushijima. 

“Sorry,” he whispered. “Sorry,” he called again as his voice shook. “Sorry, Ushi, but I’m so hungry.” 

Ushijima had only time to blink. “Forgive me,” was breathed against his skin, and then there was sharp, blinding pain. It lasted only for half a second. Suddenly Ushijima was numb and so hard in his pants, and he didn’t realize it was him humming against Semi’s lips until the other cooed him quietly on. Lips suctioned to his neck and Hinata took his first big draw of blood, and Ushijima’s eyelids fluttered in an unearthly ecstasy. 

Semi was soon panting hard into the kiss, which grew more and more hungry and reckless. His lips and tongue were wet and messy, but Ushijima couldn’t get enough. He dug his fingers into Semi’s shirt and yanked it up, desperate to feel skin. Hinata was drawing an erection out of him. The way he drank from Ushijima was nearly as erotic as sex itself, but better, so much better than any sex Ushijima had ever had. And then Semi ground against him, hot, heavy, panting. Ushijima choked on a glob of spit and pulled at Semi’s waist, his large hand splayed over a warm back and knobby spine. Hinata moaned against his neck, rutting against the couch. 

Ushijima pulled back breathless, overstimulated, feeling like he’d explode if he didn’t get their skin on his body soon. “Semi,” he panted heatedly, but Semi was miles ahead of him. He scrambled off Ushijima’s lap and pulled off first his shirt and then his pants. Ushijima stared at him in wide-mouthed, eyes-open wonder. He was speechless. Hinata licked at his neck and he shivered, arm tightening around a slim waist. He was sure Hinata was watching Semi too. 

He’d always worked hard to gain muscle and be fit, but Ushijima couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t thought Semi had a nice body. He just hadn’t seen this much of it in a long, long time. Semi had grown a little skinnier, his ribs showing more against his soft skin, but he still had those traces of a body that had been worked hard to peak perfection. Ushijima found him absolutely stunning, and he said so now, a soft whisper of awe. 

Beyond his arms and chest and beautiful legs, in the middle of that masterpiece that was Semi’s body, sat a hard, pale cock, white beading like a pearl at the top, veins curling around the shaft in a pretty pattern. There was a small crop of pale hair at the base, and below it hung two perfectly rounded balls. Ushijima felt it deep in his gut; there was no doubting his feelings now. If anyone had been worried that Ushijima’s feelings were only so true, there was no doubt now when Ushijima lurched forward with Hinata at his neck, and ached for Semi. To feel him, taste him, be inside him. His mouth watered. He loved Semi. 

Hinata slowly pulled off his neck and kissed him sweetly, turning his head from Semi to look at him. Ushijima’s free hand waved in the air, at Semi, too far away to actually touch, but Semi took it and held it gently as if to say, “Let Hinata have you for a bit.”

Hinata smiled at him, sweetly, lips a ruby red from Ushijima’s blood. His eyes shone so pretty and his skin looked a little pinker. Ushijima reached up a hand and caressed his cheek. 

“You’re so beautiful, Hinata. Both of you,” he breathed, eyes darting back to Semi, but he could only keep them away from Hinata for a bare second. He was soon back and drinking up what he could see of the redhead. “So pretty.”

Hinata smiled and crooned softly at him. He licked at his lips, closed his eyes to savor Ushijima. “You and Semi taste the sweetest I’ve ever known. I wonder if it’s because of our feelings or if you two are just special.”

Then he opened his eyes and husked, “I’ve been waiting to taste you since the first night, Ushijima.”

“I hope I didn’t disappoint,” he said breathlessly. Thinking of Hinata doing this to him back then sent his head rolling. If only... maybe he would have realized sooner. But... “I’m glad it happened like this,” he said as he stroked at Hinata’s cheek, at the true visage of his boyfriend. It wasn’t that they weren’t both absolutely stunning, but Ushijima couldn’t lie to himself anymore and pretend he didn’t prefer this Hinata, the real Hinata, the male Hinata. 

“Ushijima, kiss me,” hushed Hinata urgently. Ushijima couldn’t wait a moment longer either. Their lips sank together like they’d been made for this. Semi was reckless and needy, but Hinata was soft and loving. His teeth scraped over Ushijima’s lips and tongue and he shivered as he licked at them, turned on beyond compare. Semi still lightly held his hand, thumb now carding over his skin and knuckles. He felt so strongly how much they both loved him, and he wanted to share it back in equal measures. 

His world had been so incredibly dull before, so boring without these two. He didn’t think he’d ever really had a good time until he’d met Hinata. Hinata had given him a spark that he didn’t know he needed, and Semi had nurtured it quietly for him. However strange it was to others, he needed them both. He loved them both. There was no choosing about it, or selfishness, or greed. It was just love, a love they shared, so strong it could survive anything, he was sure. It had survived his stupidity and Hinata’s and Semi’s heartbreak. 

He didn’t even need air as much as he needed Semi and Hinata. 

Hinata pulled back from his lips slowly and smiled the sweetest smile. He cupped Ushijima’s cheeks and looked at him like he’d never seen anything so perfect. Ushijima felt the same about Hinata. 

And then the redhead stood slowly and Semi took his hand to help him. He let go of Ushijima’s hand in favor of turning to help Hinata undress. Ushijima sat back slowly, sank back, and watched these two. They were familiar with each other, comfortable; he could see it in the way they easily kissed and touched each other like they knew just how and where to. They were beautiful together too. He felt a little dirty for getting so off on watching the two of them together, like a spectator, but these two creatures of incomparable wonder were both his, so he just let his eyes follow their movements, memorizing details. Semi slowly undressed Hinata and Ushijima watched pale skin bloom right before his eyes. 

Hinata was only a few inches shorter than Semi, but he was smaller and paler. Where Semi was beautiful because his body was sleek and strong, Hinata was beautiful because he was slim and curvy. It was slight curves, soft, teasing. His waist dipped ever so slightly in and his legs hid the volume of his ass until he turned a little towards Semi. Ushijima didn’t think Hinata had used a glamour on his body that first night now that he saw it for real. His legs were smooth and milky soft, long and thin like a girl’s, but somehow prettier because they were a boy’s. His nipples were a pretty, pale pink, and on his hip, the only stark thing about his aesthetic body, was Ushijima’s tattoo. And god, it was beautiful on Hinata’s body. How had he known without having ever seen it naked like this? Maybe it was all of his dreams that he’d conveniently never remembered after waking. 

And amidst a soft, pale belly sat a small piece of jewelry that Semi’s hands had lovingly pierced him with. The sum of him was stunningly gorgeous. Semi slipped a hand around Hinata’s waist as he gazed down at him with this incredibly adoring look, and Ushijima thought he didn’t deserve them at all, but he was so, so glad. Together, they made a picture of perfection, of his wholeness, of the parts to fit against himself that he’d always been missing. They were the perfection to his incomplete self. They were gorgeous. 

He opened his mouth slowly to say what he was thinking, but he found his words lacking. “You both are so...” he hushed in awe. 

Semi grinned and Hinata giggled. When they looked at him, he realized suddenly how happy he specifically made them. If he’d been jealous of the faces Semi had made around Hinata, it was nothing compared to the quiet contentment he held now. His whole body seemed to radiate it. Hinata too, could barely stand still; he was glowing like he might vibrate out of his skin at a high velocity, his cock trembling wet and hard between his legs, beautiful. Semi stepped forward and sank a knee between Ushijima’s legs with a soft sigh. 

“Where do you want us, big guy?” he said with a dirty smirk. Ushijima had to drag his eyes away to look around. 

“The bed,” he hushed.

“We’ll have to put on new sheets,” commented Hinata with a wrinkled nose. 

Semi stood and laughed, pulling Ushijima up with him. He yanked him into a hug, grabbing Hinata as well. 

“I’m so happy,” he laughed. Ushijima pressed his nose into blond hair as he hugged them both close. 

“Me, too,” echoed Hinata and Ushijima, and then Hinata broke away from them and ran to the bedroom. Semi laughed and took Ushijima’s hand, pulled him along. 

Hinata was pulling open the window and stripping the bed. He ordered Semi to find new sheets and help him put them on. Ushijima stared helplessly. In awe of these two. He wanted to laugh, but he was too overwhelmed with love. 

And then the two sat next to each other on the clean top sheet and watched him, hands linked together. 

“Your turn,” Semi hummed mischievously at him. Hinata nodded, licking at his lips in eager anticipation. 

Ushijima felt suddenly annoyed at how many layers he had on. A light jacket, two shirts, jeans, socks. He pulled off first the jacket and then his socks. Two pairs of eyes watched him diligently as he tugged off his two shirt together, a small collective gasp of appreciation at his upper body, and then he stripped off his jeans and underwear in one go as well. 

“Oh,” whimpered Hinata while Semi let out a low whistle when he stood up again. He was still hard; it hadn’t ever gone down since they’d sat down on his lap. 

Ushijima had always been proud of his body. It had always been naturally built, but that wasn’t to say he hadn’t worked hard to mold it into what he wanted. With his ink, he’d made himself into what he thought was his own perfection. But he’d never felt like he was that unique or fun to look at until Hinata and Semi were looking at him now. He couldn’t breathe for the love and awe in their faces, the open adoration. He almost felt shy. 

Hinata turned to Semi and whispered something in his ear, giggles sounding softly as they conversed quietly, secretly together.

“Hey...” said Ushijima when he felt like he was being left out. 

Semi grinned and beckoned him closer. “Come here, gorgeous.”

Hinata nodded and held out his hand, which Ushijima took. They pulled him to the bed and then crept up close to him. Hinata’s lips pressed to one ear and Semi’s to his other. 

“We were just discussing how much you look like a god with that body of yours,” Hinata husked. 

“Just a little gossip about how hot we think you are.”

Giggles. “Like we can’t believe we bagged you.”

Semi licked at his ear and then said in a deep, sexy voice, “God, Ushijima, you don’t know how long I’ve waited to make you mine.” There was a pause, a moment of brokenness, vulnerability. “I can’t believe this is even real right now.” Hinata stroked at Semi’s hair and crooned against Ushijima’s cheek. 

Ushijima pressed a hand to each of their hips and slowly slid them up soft backs. Hinata’s skin was cool to the touch, Semi’s warm. Fingers danced over the bite marks at his neck, Semi crooning appreciatively. 

“Now he’s marked us both,” he said with a sweet smile, his self-confidence rising again. “No more need to be jealous, darling.” 

Ushijima growled and whispered, “I’ll always be jealous of you two.” He smiled. “I’ll always sit in disbelief that you’re mine, so don’t mind me if I’m possessive as all hell over you both.”

Hinata crooned and grabbed at his arm. “Please. Always tell us how much we’re yours, how much you need us.”

Semi nodded. “Always make sure we know that you love us more than anything else.”

“I swear I will,” breathed Ushijima. “And don’t you two dare ever leave me out again.”

“Never,” swore the other two together. 

“Always,” he promised them back. He let his hands slide down between ass cheeks as four hands came up to feel over his body, to trace ink and muscles with skinny fingers, to kiss him. He pressed and rubbed at their entrances. He never would have thought this would make him more excited than fingering a wet pussy, but it was because it was them. 

Because it was Semi and Hinata. 

Semi leaned to grab something and the two pressed their foreheads together as they slicked up their fingers. Then they sat up and wet finger tips joined Ushijima’s between their cheeks, sliding inside and paving the way for him. He pulled back and grabbed the lube, too eager to be very patient or composed. And then he slid inside them alongside their own fingers. He felt the tightness of them, the warmth, and he sank forward against their chests and tried to breathe normally, overwhelmed. His gut was tight at the thought of being inside them. He ached for them. 

Semi pulled his chin up, though. He would have none of that. He pulled Ushijima into a deep kiss. Hinata sank atop his leg, butt out; he moaned sweetly against Ushi’s chest. His dick rocked against Ushijima’s thigh, and he kissed at his skin while Semi laved over his lips and tongue. 

Inside of them, fingers moved and lube squished. Ushijima couldn’t believe he’d be inside that soon. He wanted to fuck them both today; he didn’t know how any of this would work, but he knew what he needed. 

Hinata was the first to start falling apart. He was pulling himself open with two hands for Ushijima, and Ushijima was knuckles deep, three fingers in him. 

“I want you, I want you,” he husked against Hinata’s neck, lipping there. But Hinata took his face in hand and slowly shook his head, smiling, panting. His cheeks were flushed so prettily.

“Semi deserves your first time. Be patient, handsome. I’ll soon enough get you.” His fingers traced over Ushijima’s neck and the other was reminded that Hinata had already given him something as well. 

“Okay,” he husked. “What then?” He looked up at Hinata’s blue eyes and pretty face. The other kissed him and smiled. He carefully pulled Ushijima’s fingers out of him and then he looked at Semi. 

“Semi,” he whispered. Unfocused brown eyes shifted and parted lips turned up a little. 

“Yeah, come here, love bug.”

Semi shifted to Ushijima’s middle and Hinata slid between them, pressed between his two boyfriends. He wrapped his arms around Ushijima’s neck and kissed him softly. Ushijima felt Semi squeeze in excitement on his fingers as he lubed Hinata up generously, and then he watched Hinata’s face in awe as Semi slid inside him. 

Beautiful. 

Red lashes fluttered over crystal blue eyes and a pretty pink mouth opened in a silent cry of pleasure. Ushijima kissed the corner of his mouth, awed. Hinata’s eyes snapped to him and he let out the most beautiful moan, a sigh of happiness. 

“It’s been too long,” Semi sighed against Hinata’s skin as he pressed his face between Hinata’s shoulder and the side of his face. Ushijima looked at them both. Semi’s eyes were on Hinata and Hinata could barely keep his own open. Ushijima quickened his own fingers to work inside Semi. 

The two moaned sweetly together as Semi’s hips stirred, pressing down against Ushijima’s fingers and then up into Hinata. 

“Beautiful, beautiful,” Ushijima chanted. “All mine, both of you.”

Hinata grinned wide and Semi chuckled possessively. The redhead grabbed Ushijima and kissed him deeply. Semi suckled at his neck, red hair brushing his nose. 

“I’m ready, Ushi,” Semi panted suddenly. He still felt too tight to Ushijima, but Semi looked like he couldn’t wait another minute. Well, Ushijima couldn’t really either. He slid from inside him in a hurry and squeezed out too much lube, aggressively making Semi’s hole wet and messy. Then he grabbed at slim thighs and pulled them both against him, brute strength and desperate need kicking in. Semi’s lips closed over his, both needy to the same degree. He wanted to make sure Ushijima knew it. 

“Condom?” Ushijima asked in a rush, but he was already lining himself up, impatience screaming in his veins. 

“No, idiot,” gritted out Semi, Hinata quietly wailing between them. “Just fuck me, Ushi!”

“Yes-“ Ushi said breathlessly as he pressed inside. It was just the tip, god damnit- just the tip, and he was already losing his damn mind. “Oh my god,” he yelped out, shocked. 

“Ushi!” Semi screamed in frustration. “Please don’t make me wait anymore,” he begged, overemotional. Hinata grabbed back around his neck, cooed at him. Ushijima shivered nearly to pieces. It was so much, so good. He was afraid he’d burst if he went any deeper, but he couldn’t refuse. He needed it. Semi needed him. Even Hinata did. 

“Here I go,” he whispered as he gripped Semi’s hips, thumbs pressing into the skin of his thigh and crotch pressed together in a fold. And he went full in. 

He’d never known something like this existed. Exquisite tightness, velvety softness, humming warmth. He suddenly understood why they called it “joining bodies together”. He was Semi and Semi was him and Hinata was them, too. Three of them clung together, melted together. Hinata breathed their names; his cock pressed hard against Ushijima’s stomach and he rubbed himself there. He took Ushijima’s face and kissed his jaw. He nuzzled against the unmarked side of Ushijima’s neck. “When you climax,” he promised, teeth grazing pleasantly over his skin. 

Ushijima clung to Semi and snapped his hips into him, into his tight heat. Semi cried out in the sweetest voice, something Ushijima needed to taste. He grabbed his hair and pulled him into a hungry kiss. Semi gripped his thigh and began moving, fucking into Hinata and closing down around Ushijima, over and over. He worked tirelessly, breathing hard in the effort but no desire to slow. 

Ushijima did what he could to not loose his shit. Hinata felt amazing against him, and Semi was a dream inside. On a particular upthrust from Ushijima, Semi’s rhythm suddenly stammered and he fell back and off Ushijima. He was breathing hard, completely flushed. Hinata moved off him and turned around, crooning and whispering sweetness as he took Semi in hand, positioned him and slid back atop him. Semi choked out a strangled cry. Ushijima sat in a daze. Semi’s hole winked at him, begged to be filled, but he was mesmerized by Hinata riding Semi’s cock. He looked over his shoulder and smiled sweetly at the other, then leaned forward over Semi and Ushijima could see exactly where they were joined, exactly how Semi’s thick length slid in and out of Hinata, how he loved it so much as he mewled against Semi’s chest. Ushijima clenched his hands and jumped forward. He parted Semi’s legs and thrust inside in one go. Semi let out a choke of delighted fulfillment, which Hinata stole from his lips. Ushijima held Semi’s legs against his chest and rocked his hips in a fervor, a fire in his belly. 

Semi was beginning to make these high, clear noises and Hinata glanced over his shoulder at Ushijima. He kissed the other, whispered, “He’s gonna come soon. Be careful.”

“Huh?” said Ushijima in confusion, but Hinata was back down on Semi and he was crooning and telling him sweet things. Semi gave a choked cry and his eyes shot open, unfocused brown shifting over Hinata up to him, and Hinata whispered, “Good boy.”

And then he forced Semi’s chin up and he sank his teeth into the other’s neck. Ushijima understood the warning now. Semi went tighter than a vice grip, suddenly wetter like he was producing his own slick. Ushijima was enthralled by the way his body shivered with pleasure. He gave two more thrust when he could and suddenly Semi was impossibly tight and warm and wet and Hinata was crying out against his neck, Semi choking on a sound of intense pleasure as he tried to hold on to Hinata. His cock pumped hot sperm into Hinata’s ass and Ushijima could only watch as Semi came from the pleasure of their sex. 

Nothing, Ushijima thought, nothing was as beautiful, nothing could compare. Whether it was because they were men and creatures of pleasure, or because he loved them so insanely much, or both combined; there was nothing as wonderful as sex with these two. Warmth flooded him and he barely recognized Hinata pulling off Semi and crawling off him. He felt a hand against his chest and he let Hinata push him back, let himself slip from Semi as a wild beast crawled over him. Hinata was glistening, eyes wide with desire, lips red with Semi’s blood. If Ushijima thought he understood pleasure, he had another thing coming. 

“I’m gonna cum soon,” he whispered softly to Hinata before his whole world upheaved itself. Hinata grunted and Ushijima felt a hand grip his cock. He lifted his head and watched in shock as Hinata slid Ushijima’s cock inside himself. He choked out a sound of unrestrained pleasure. Hinata was uniquely different from Semi, but there was that heat and tightness and velvety smooth. He couldn’t explain, but he could tell the two apart, each wonderful in different ways. All pussies had always felt the same to him but Semi and Hinata were like two of the best things in opposite ways. 

He choked again as a wave of impending orgasm swept over him, and like Hinata could smell it on him, he combed Ushijima’s hair back and crooned, “Good boy. Sweet baby.” 

It was like magic, those words. He knew what they meant, what was coming. But he never expected it to nearly rip him apart. Hinata sank his teeth into his neck and took a small pull, and almost too suddenly, Ushijima was screaming through the wildest and best orgasm he’d ever had. He was barely over the height of it when Semi sank against him and claimed his lips. He curled his hand around Hinata’s cock and began pumping, and suddenly Hinata was going tight. Another wave, another choked cry of intense pleasure he’d never known before. Hinata licked roughly at his neck and then drank again. Another lick and then he tossed his head back and let out the most beautiful sound Ushijima had ever heard. Semi sighed against him, eyes glued to Hinata, and Ushijima felt warmth and love flood over him, cover them like a blanket. 

He loved them, loved them. How could they be so perfect and good? They were everything he’d never known he’d needed. 

“Hina~” he husked out on a broken voice. “Semi~” he sang as lips closed over his own. He pulled the two of them to himself with the last of his strength, and then he melted down into the bed. Hinata was panting hard against his chest. He didn’t even care that there was a mess between their bellies. Tears fell from his eyes. 

“I love you,” he husked, too emotional. “I love you both so incredibly much. I’m so sorry it took so long-“

“No apologies,” said Semi. He closed off Ushijima’s lips again to ensure it. 

Hinata could barely pull himself up, but he rubbed at Ushijima’s chest, begging for attention too. Ushijima pulled him up and turned to kiss him. 

“I love you so much,” Hinata husked between wet tears. Semi licked them away. Ushijima kissed him. 

Slowly Ushijima sat up and pulled the two into his lap. He grabbed a discarded shirt and cleaned them all off. Then he cupped ad caressed their cheeks, looked at them. 

“Thank you,” he said with all the love in the world. Then he grinned. “My two cutest lovers.”

Hinata giggled, so cute. “My boyfriend,” he said to Ushijima, and then he looked at Semi and gave him a look of apology, of, _From now on_ , and he whispered again, “My boyfriend.”

And Semi just sighed and rolled his eyes and said, “You two.”

Hinata laughed aloud and Ushijima smiled, but Semi’s face went soft and his lips trembled. 

“Don’t you two dare ever leave me!”

Hinata grabbed him instantly, hugged him tight, and Ushijima kissed what he could of his face. 

“Please don’t even joke about that,” said Ushijima. 

“We’ll never.”

“Even when we’re old and grey?” Semi whispered to Hinata, scared. 

“I said, never. I’ll take care of you two forever, a whole lifetime, and then when you pass away, I’ll lay down with you and stay there for another lifetime.”

“I don’t want to leave you behind,” Semi whispered. 

And Hinata gave a sad, private little smile, and he fingered at first Semi’s neck and then Ushijima’s. “I love you,” he said softly, meaningfully. Semi pressed his lips together and nodded, and Ushijima pulled him a little closer. 

It was a promise. A promise for a lifetime. 

A promise for all the time in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY for a long chapter with lots of cuteness abounding <3 Have I mentioned how much I adore these boys?


	16. Forever

Ushijima was very disoriented when he woke up. Everything around him was unfamiliar, starting with the feel of the sheets atop him and the pillow under his head. The smells were different too, and the heat was definitely different. His right foot stuck out from under the sheets and he rolled over to peel off the covers from his body. He stared at an unfamiliar ceiling, wondering what time it was. He glanced to his right and thankfully found an alarm clock with the time. 

It was early. Really early. Ushijima blinked angrily at the ceiling. He hated early mornings. He sighed softly and tried to remember what had happened last night. It wasn’t hard; he could feel it on his body, the glow from sex still present and the smell of the bodies next to him. He smiled, covered his mouth with his hand when he thought his smile might break his face. He shut his eyes and tried to contain his shout of joy. Then he slowly rolled to his side and pressed his nose into the pillow he’d been laying on. Semi’s arm was surprisingly comfortable, stuffed under his neck, laying against the side of one of his extra pillows. He pressed a soft kiss to soft, pale skin and smiled when Semi hummed in his sleep. He tried to turn, but Ushijima had his arm captured, so he sat up carefully and let Semi have his arm back. Propped up on his elbow, he watched Semi turn and wrap himself around their smallest bed companion and bury his face in red hair. Ushijima smiled, still feeling incredulous that this was real. He slowly laid back down, pressing his body against Semi’s back. He melted at the soft sighs of happiness from the other two. 

He twirled a strand of soft, blond hair between two of his fingers and pressed it to his nose, thinking about how lucky he was to call these two his. He wasn’t sure he deserved it, but he wasn’t going to look this gift horse in the mouth and say, “No thanks.” That would be stupid. 

He laid his arm over Semi’s waist and pressed it gently against Hinata’s back, slowly feeling up his sides, counting his ribs quietly, thinking about how he’d first met the redhead. He’d been bitter at first to find out Hinata had tricked him, that he was actually a guy, but in the end, he refused to be mad about it; he wouldn’t have ever met Hinata otherwise. It’s not like back then he would have ever approached a guy, even one as pretty as Hinata. I mean, he’d always had Semi by his side and look how long it had taken him to realize he was in love with him. He hated that he’d wasted so much time, but some things couldn’t be helped. 

And despite being a male, Hinata was still soft, and he was still beautiful, and he knew how to woo Ushijima. He knew how to make his heart race, and in the end, he was still the same Hinata he’d met that first night. He smiled as Hinata and Semi murmured silly things to each other in their sleep. Their cuteness would be the death of him one day, he thought with a smile. 

When he was sure he wouldn’t get any more sleep this morning and feeling fairly okay with it now, he slowly sat up and looked over his two boyfriends. Hinata’s bare leg was exposed as it was wrapped over Semi’s waist, and he carefully laid his hand against the cool skin, tracing over the lines of his tattoo. He’d finish it for Hinata soon. He was amazed how good it looked on Hinata, but then again, why wouldn’t it? 

He kissed the two softly on their temples and then stood up from the mattress. He found his pants at the foot of the bed and pulled them on. Then he carefully shut the door to the bedroom behind him and set to work finding food for breakfast. 

He should have guessed Semi’s fridge would be practically barren. He managed to find four eggs and some green onions, and a copious supply of dried ramen noodles. He made a simple broth with dashi and boiled the eggs and noodles. He cut up some leftover pork that still smelled good and added it to the broth. Then he prepared three bowls for them, and when he was done, he stood back and smiled at his creations. Then he sighed at the closed bedroom door and set about cleaning up the living room and kitchen. By the time he was done with that, he was starving, so he grabbed his bowl and a pair of chopsticks, the only clean pair, he noted, and dug in.

He nearly dropped it all when warm hands pressed around his chest and someone hugged him from behind. 

“It smells yummy,” said Hinata with an adorable sleepy quality to his voice as he waddled around to face the tallest of the three. Ushijima looked down at him and smiled as the redhead rubbed his eyes and yawned. Ushijima cupped his jaw anyways and kissed the corner of his mouth. Hinata grinned and grabbed around his neck and kissed him full on. 

“Good morning, handsome,” Hinata whispered with a seductive smile that was too much for this early in the morning. 

“Hey,” husked Ushijima back. “Good morning.” He put his bowl down and pressed both of his hands over those around his chest. He pulled Semi around to his front with a yelp. 

“Good morning,” he greeted the blond, not even giving him a chance to respond before he was kissing him too. It was cute how he tasted a little different than Hinata did. He still smelled like warm sleep too, where Hinata had smelled a little cooler and fresher. He glanced over to see Hinata stealing his chopsticks to eat his ramen, so he took the opportunity to wrap an arm around Semi’s waist and cup his cheek. He waited until chocolate brown eyes opened and focused on him. 

“Did I tell you last night that I love you,” Ushijima whispered softly to him. His rubbed at the dark circles that had thankfully faded a little under Semi’s eyes. 

“I don’t-“ began Semi, turning red in the process. “Remember,” he mumbled, embarrassed, a bit of a lie. Ushijima giggled and kissed his hair. Semi just blinked at him like he barely recognized the other. 

“Who are you and what have you done with my Ushi?”

“Get used to it, baby doll. This is your Ushi in love.”

Semi pulled a face and clicked his tongue, but Ushijima saw the way his ears were red when he turned to his bowl. He immediately set to battling Hinata for the chopsticks as a distraction. Ushijima watched them for a moment, laughing when Semi wrangled the chopsticks right from Hinata’s hand and mouth. He sidled up behind the small redhead and hugged him from behind, leaning over him to whisper into his ear, “I love you, Hinata.”

Hinata pushed the chopsticks back at Semi and whirled around in Ushijima’s arms. “Tell me again,” he said with the most precious smile. 

“I love you,” Ushijima obliged with a derpy smile. He grabbed Hinata up and placed his butt on the kitchen counter. He’d pulled on boxer briefs that looked suspiciously like Ushijima’s, and it was both a shame and a pleasure to see. Ushijima leaned over him and kissed him. “Love you, cutie.”

Hinata giggled and draped an arm around Ushijima’s neck, kissed him back. Semi watched them quietly as he ate his noodles. Hinata beckoned him to join but Semi shook his head and smiled softly. 

“I like to just watch, too. You guys are pretty cute together.”

Hinata giggled and Ushijima smiled against his cheek, nuzzling him. 

“Will you let me finish your tattoo soon?” he asked as his finger traced mindlessly over the pattern he knew so well by now. Hinata shivered and nodded. 

“Yes, please,” he hummed. 

“And this time it’ll be totally fine if you get a boner,” Ushijima joked. He heard Semi choke on his ramen. 

“What?”

Hinata giggled and waved him off. “Semi, will you come and hold my hand?”

Semi pulled himself up on the counter too, butt naked, and leaned over to feed Hinata some noodles from his bowl. “Of course, idiot. Don’t think you can get rid of me so easily. I hope you two are prepared to have me glued to your sides.”

Ushijima smiled as he leaned forward and took a bit of the ramen Semi held up for Hinata. 

He really, really loved these two. It was incredible how warm and full his heart could feel. It wasn’t a competition; it wasn’t hard. He loved them both absolutely as much and his love would only grow exponentially towards them both. 

He leaned against the counter between Hinata’s legs and smiled softly as he watched the other two feed each other, thinking this was the domestic bliss he’d always wanted. It came so easily with them; he wondered why he’d tried so hard before when it was this easy. 

x

It felt a little odd for Semi to be sitting by the leather covered table in Ushijima’s corner of the shop, to be sitting over Hinata as Ushijima quietly prepared his tools. The door was shut, the shop quiet around them since it had closed long ago. Semi pressed his chin into Hinata’s thigh. Both of them looked normal again, healthy; Ushijima had been feeding them well, and Semi thought he’d gained even more muscle than before since Ushijima took him to gym now and on runs. Hinata even joined them sometimes if he could be bothered to pull himself out of bed. 

He watched Ushijima quietly. There was a glow to his skin that their domestic happiness had brought the man. Semi could see in every little way how Ushijima adored them to pieces. It was embarrassing sometimes to realize it, especially when Ushijima would bring him a cup of coffee when he was with a client or when they’d go to the bar together on Friday night and Ushijima would purposefully pull his chair closer to them. Girls still tried to approach him, but he quickly dismissed them and turned back to making gooey eyes at Hinata and him. It was embarrassing, but Semi wouldn’t trade it for the whole world. Because for the first time in his whole life, the looks Ushijima had always given his girlfriends were now his, and Ushijima himself was completely his. He felt more assured in this fact than anything else. There was nothing he knew better than the fact that Ushijima and Hinata were absolutely his. 

Hinata had his way of visibly marking them. Bruises of various shades colored both of their necks and thighs. Hinata wasn’t shy about it anymore; he had told them very plainly that he would mark them like this as he pleased. He wasn’t playing around with it. He wouldn’t loose them to anyone. In an attempt to find something physical to mark the other two with as well, he’d come up with matching cartilage piercings, which they both sported beautifully, jewelry matching in the form of a soft gold hoop. And Ushijima had offered Semi to tattoo his virgin skin. Semi had warned him to make it small, but he’d given up any part of his body for Ushijima. The tall man had chosen a small flower to ink on the upper inside of Semi’s arm. Sometimes when he laid out on their bed with his arms out, Ushijima would stare at it and kiss him there. The flower was one that Hinata had on his hip as well; he’d chosen it for that purpose, but also to represent who Semi was to him, he said. Semi had yet to figure out the flower’s meaning; Ushijima refused to tell him. 

And alongside all of those changes came the biggest one: a change of address for everyone. Hinata gained a permanent home for the first time in his life, and Semi and Ushijima gained a place where they could all three be together with ease, no worries of eyes looking at their comings and goings, no worries of being too loud in the middle room of their three bedroom apartment. And Semi had gained a type of security that he thought he would never know. It was easy and simple, grounded for someone who’d never known the word. He didn’t think he could ever thank the others enough for gifting him this most important thing. 

He rubbed mindlessly at Hinata’s thigh and kissed him softly. His leg was smooth, but that wasn’t anything surprising. Hinata had barely any hair at all, aside from the thick mess atop his head. Semi found it maybe a little too arousing; he liked licking Hinata all over when they were in bed together. Hinata rested a hand now atop his head and played softly with his hair. Semi leaned into it and smiled. 

“Semi, darling, you’ll have to move your head,” said Ushijima, and Semi didn’t realize he’d nearly drifted to sleep. He sat up and scooted closer to the table Hinata lay on. They hadn’t even bothered with cloths to cover Hinata’s junk; they’d both seen it enough by now. He lay practically naked on the table, his shirt pulled up to his waist. He breathed softly against his arm, his eyes watching Ushijima with the most beautiful devotion and trust clear in them. 

Semi snuck his hand over his waist where it folded a little in the center and rubbed soothing circles into his skin. It was bad how obsessed he was with touching the other two. Sometimes they scolded him when he got too handsy under a table or too frisky at the grocery store. It wasn’t like he really knew what he was doing half the time, though. It was just a compulsive need, a reassurance. 

Ushijima’s face of concentration when he was working was something to behold. He was striking when he was like this, so singularly focused that he forgot to be conscientious of his facial expressions. All the passion and fire he’d always displayed on the volleyball court came out again and it was incredibly nostalgic for Semi. He’d never seen it up close, since they’d always been on the same team. No one had been lying when they’d said it was terrifying to behold. Ushijima was beautiful. By the way Hinata watched him, too, Semi could tell the redhead agreed. 

Once in a while, Ushijima would glance up like their gazes got too heated, and he would smile at them, or lean over and kiss them softly. These were the moments that made Semi want to melt into the floor from happiness. Hinata’s erection would twitch when Ushijima showed him this attention, and though no one said a word, everyone acknowledged that Hinata’s love language was touch and affirmation. Semi couldn’t say he was much different, though. 

“What is it about this that makes you hard?” he had to ask though.

Hinata turned to him with wide eyes, but then he laughed. “I don’t know. It’s Ushijima, and he’s touching me. And isn’t he so sexy when he’s so focused like that?”

Semi didn’t say anything in response, but the two understood his silence better than his words by now. Hinata smiled quietly at Ushijima, who gave him another small kiss. 

“Almost done, cuteness.”

Semi glanced down at Hinata’s hip. It was a little bit of a mess with extra ink smeared over it, but he could tell already that it was going to be beautiful. Ushijima had excelled at everything he’d ever tried, and tattooing had been no exception. His schedule was sometimes booked months in advance from demand; Semi was proud of the fact that Ushijima was this good and respected in his field. He’d worked hard to get here, even when others had said he shouldn’t try to make it. Semi had always supported him, and he knew that Ushijima owed most of his success to the other even if he would never say it aloud. It felt a little unfair to Semi, which is probably why Ushijima never said anything. But Semi felt a proud flare in his heart when he thought that he’d always meant more to Ushijima than he’d imagined. Ushijima had always really cared for him, even though he’d never said it in so many words until recently. It made Semi want to cry sometimes. He didn’t deserve them, but he was so glad they were his anyways. 

Ushijima calmly wiped Hinata’s hip when we was finished and let the other two have a good look at the finished product before wrapping it up. Hinata moved to stand up, walking carefully over to the full length mirror near the door. Semi stepped in easily behind him, his hand resting on the other hip. It was beautiful; Semi couldn’t wait to stare at it now every time he gave Hinata a blow job. He caressed softly at Hinata’s crotch, admired the way the color contrasted beautifully against his pale skin. When the two turned again, Ushijima set his supplies down from cleaning and turned to look Hinata over. It was so clear in his eyes how beautiful he thought Hinata was, with or without the tattoo, but he couldn’t deny the tattoo had added something. Hinata went a little warm against Semi at Ushijima’s gaze, his cock trembling quietly where it hung, stiff still, between his legs. 

“Come here,” said Ushijima softly. He carefully grabbed under Hinata’s thigh and pulled his knee up onto the seat of his chair. He quietly wrapped the tattoo. Semi sat down on the table beside them. Hinata rested his hands on Ushijima’s shoulders. When the other looked up, he smiled. 

“Do you like it?”

“Of course,” breathed Hinata. “Your work is breathtaking.”

“Well, I had a gorgeous canvas,” Ushijima said easily, smiling softly. Hinata carefully bent down and kissed Ushijima’s lips. Then he stood and cupped Semi’s cheek, kissed him too. 

There was no need for words. Ushijima quietly cleaned up and packed up his space, and Hinata carefully pulled on his high waisted cotton pants and shoes. Semi took his hand as Ushijima picked up his small messenger bag. They walked quietly home together. 

And then they crawled into bed and properly showed their love for each other in the privacy of their home. 

Semi would never get tired of this; it was more than he’d ever hoped for himself, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. This was all he needed, all he could ever want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is, folks, the final chapter. Thank you so much to everyone who went on this crazy journey with me stuffed chock full of angst lmao :P I really hope you enjoyed it as much as I did <3 I really had a lot of fun writing this. I’ve got a few shorts planned/written, so let me know if there’s anything you want to see from these three in this universe :D


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